labels

of course this is a massive subject, and also a bit complicated ... the last few days i've had a running conversation with various people about labels in general and lesbian identities in particular.

i've noticed that it is extremely important for my latina friends to know if someone is butch or femme. m. keeps telling me i am confusing because i will wear a femmy blouse and butch shoes and i really have to make up my mind. why do i have to make up my mind?

i spoke with d's g/f who is a therapist. she pointed out a need to define what it is one is describing. is it how a person looks physically, e.g. clothing, makeup, etc ... or is it to do with female conditioning, i.e., how women are traditionally expected to behave ... or is it to do with roles played during sex ...?

i really do not like having to be fixed within the boundaries of one particular label, and certainly not within those of any of the above descriptions. first of all i think fluidity and flexibility are mentally, emotionally and physically healthy attributes. secondly, i think such boundaries can stifle a relationship. where is the space to explore and to grow?

as usual, i am being idealistic and probably rather naive. it is so hard to be true to oneself in the face of those who are scared by someone who doesn't want to fit into the box. who wants to be dodging the slings and arrows of the outraged?

meanwhile, my eyebrows are unplucked and my toenails are painted (a lovely reddish purply colour chosen for me a while ago by avi and the queen of jerusalem drag queens) and what is in-between has a mind of its own. :-)