the scariest thing

noam's evil rat
Originally uploaded by ravaj.

this is a photo noam took with her phone of the first rat. without the tail, it was the length from the tip of her middle finger to halfway up to her elbow. AAAAAAAAARGH! and hallowe'en greetings. (i have been hiding in the back of the house, since i did not have the nerve to put up the sign on the front door telling them that a crazy woman from england who is diabetic and on the first week of the south beach diet would probably not be opening the door and handing them treats).

obesity causes global warming?

an op-ed in today's ny times. apparently, a billion extra gallons of gasoline a year are being used to transport fatter americans around the country. not only that, but how about this:

"The idea of using economic incentives to help people shed pounds comes up in the periodic calls for taxes on junk food. Martin B. Schmidt, an economist at the College of William and Mary, suggests a tax on food bought at drive-through windows. Describing his theory in a recent Op-Ed article in The New York Times, Dr. Schmidt said people would expend more calories if they had to get out of their cars to pick up their food.

“We tax cigarettes in part because of their health cost,” he wrote. “Similarly, the individual’s decision to lead a sedentary lifestyle will end up costing taxpayers.”"

the last universally acceptable prejudice - stoutism! (a tip of the typing key to an ancient episode of 'not the nine o'clock news')

maybe i'd better go out and buy some scales to make sure my south beach diet is working?

south beach part deux

o yes d & i started the south beach diet again yesterday. o the desire! o the pain! o the struggle! am currently fighting my cravings by watching old ofra haza videos on youtube.

i am drooling a lot also, although i suspect that is from the fits-all-sizes tray with which i am trying to whiten my teeth.

it is, however, hard not to drool, even if only metaphorically. walking through the supermarket yesterday, buying only permitted foods, items on the shelf called out to me ... 'pick me! eat me! you know you want to!!' honestly, i had to go and stare at the meat counter for a few minutes to calm down. today is the second day of the beginning and brutal two-week phase. am trying to lust after ofra rather than bananas but not doing too well. send 'celery is cool' thoughts (and dental floss)

bits 'n' bobs

was having so much fun checking out the bobs, i forgot what the bits were ... hang on a sec ... er ... o yes indeed, here are a couple:

was really sad to hear about the death of kirby puckett - just a couple of years older than i am and died of a stroke. he was a hall of fame baseball player, and the kind of player i really admire: he didn't have the most athletic build, but he made the most of what he had. he stayed with one team for his whole career. most of all, he always looked like he loved what he did. especially after the current round of european champions cup footie (you go barca! three cheers for ronaldinho!!!), and seeing all the talented mercenaries who are brilliant at what they do, but seem to lack the connection to the joy they might feel and the privilege of having fans to support them ... well i feel the loss of a sporting hero like kirby particularly deeply.

went back for a week on phase one of the south beach diet. yet again, the first day i returned to phase two i had unbelievably intense indigestion. must remember that however much i love bananas, they are not the best way for me to start phase twos :-( good news is that i think i have now lost over 30 lbs aka 2 stone & a bit

hurrah family is coming for seder ... aaaaargh my first ever seder in my own home and i shall have to cook. wonder if the valentine's day menu can be revisited?! my mother did say she would take care of the matza balls though. as with everyone, MY MOTHER MAKES THE BEST MATZA BALLS EVER! they are so good that when my sister and i became vegetarians, we would not give up these delicacies, even though they were cooked in chicken soup! instead, n. said that the soup was like bathwater - the chicken sat in it for a while, and then got out/was helped out. thus she felt able to eat them. i, on the other hand, said that was rubbish. my great rationalisation was to take the matza balls out of the soup and rinse the bathwater off them under the tap before i could eat them!

now for the bobs ... i put bob into google and here are the random entries of interest i found on the first page:

bob dylan ... say no more

the 'bob the builder' website would not load (can you fix it? :-) )

a very weird cartoon called bob the angry flower

cannot choose between the bob geldof and the bob marley sites to link to so please look them up yourself

finally, bob vila's tips on chain saws

it aint what you do, it's the way that you do it?

gosh but learning how the real world works and accepting what you have to do to survive is an enervating experience. every job has special people to whom special attention must be paid, and despite my pretensions of socialism i am not special enough to avoid such tasks. it would be nice to be able to afford integrity, but like brecht said - erst muss man essen, dann kommt die morale (hoping i spelled that correctly). first, you gotta eat! unless you are on the south beach diet of course :-) am a bit looser about the interpretation of the diet, but seem to have lost a bit and kept my sugars down. will find out more next week after check-up. meanwhile, everyone at work today said - my you do look *pause* well. or - wow you look *pause* healthy. i love that pause - the gosh-you're-not-such-a-fat-blob-anymore pause. go south beach!

the medical miracle of the week, however, is the first cure for hiccups that i have ever tried that actually worked. it is my great pleasure to share it with you now: d told me to hold my breath and swallow three times while i was holding my breath. not as easy as it sounded, but when i did it, away the hiccups went! and then today, a student was hiccupping in my class, and when she tried the cure it worked for her also. i am thrilled and delighted.

yippee - phase two!

14 days gone by and today i am allowed to eat fruit again plus terribly healthy grainy breads and rice and pasta and cereal. the plumbers were here so i never made it to the supermarket to find the banana of my dreams. however, we did have a fascinating conversation about my boxing gloves:

'you box?'
'i have a friend who's going to teach me a bit.'
'know anything about boxing?'
'maybe a bit.'
'my grandfather was a famous boxer.'
'yeah? whatsis name?'
'rocky graziano. on my mother's side'
'yeah. i heard of him.'

like i said - fascinating. but i did have cereal for brunch, and was amazed how clearly i could taste the dried fruit in it.

nu - phase two is to be maintained until target weight is reached. my definition of phase two? learning to be on the diet without talking about it all the time to everyone:

'cannot eat that sorry i am on the south beach diet fish or insulin y'know said my doctor i mean i've been a vegetarian almost all my life but apparently the choice between my health or the health of a fish should be an easy one although i am still working on that issue with my therapist o no of course i don't mind if you eat a cookie right in front of me i am a mature adult i could eat one if i wanted it is just that i choose not to because that is the healthy thing to do no i am not crying at the sight of that cheesecake piece i am on the south beach diet you see so i am not allowed to look at that piece of pie because i am going to be healthy and pick up some celery instead did you know that you lose weight when you eat celery because it takes more calories to digest than are in it to start with so all you have to do is eat only celery of course the problem with that is that it is celery that you have to eat perhaps i could have a sip of that margerita no no i am strong and healthy and diabetic and on the south beach diet' etc ad nauseam

thank goodness qpr are playing again soon ... uuuuu rrrrr's

south beach diet day whatever

did i mention that when i cooked my first fishy food all the smoke alarms in my flat kept going off? a tribute to the miracle perhaps?

i have now lost all desire to eat anything really. however, having paid for a new glucometer and test strips, and having found out that my insurance does not cover them, i am making bloody good use of said instruments. have to keep an eye out for low blood sugar levels, and then not buy peppermint patties for recovery purposes only :-)

not to mention that i forgot to weigh myself at the beginning, mainly because i do not possess a set of scales :-)

meanwhile, all anyone can talk to me about is food. how is the diet going? i have a great recipe for fake mashed potatoes/everything soup/lobster in only 20 minutes! when my friend/cousin/babysitter/ex/fencing team-mate tried the diet s/he lost loads of weight/hated it/grew a second head. have you tried liberian goat beans - i hear they make you less gassy than cauliflower and are much prized by menopausal korean women!

*sigh* and d. wonders why i seem to be watching so many comedy dvds at the moment (little britain 2nd series, not the nine o'clock news & catherine tate) ...

south beach diet day 3

so here's the deal: after 30 odd years of being a vegetarian, although i only gave up fish about 12 years ago, my doctor says to me that my diabetes meds are maxed out and i should try the south beach diet since many of her diabetic patients have reduced their meds through doing it. but one cannot do it as a vegetarian. i just won't eat meat, but wavered a little about fish. then she gives me the choice: fish, or insulin. you'd think that this would be an easy choice. it is not an easy choice. apart from the fact that after passing for all these years, i might actually have to decide whether or not to be kosher (yes for now); there is also the guilt, the taboo, the principle, the loss of integrity. on the other hand, as my mother said - quatsch! (german for 'bollox!') fish aren't cuddly! in september, when i went home for the stone-setting, she made plaice for me my first night there, and insisted i try it. it tasted very fishy, and full of guilt & taboo. last month, when she came to visit me, i ordered salmon at every restaurant in which we ate, and a tuna melt at the diner. less guilt, but still some indigestion. gosh i do like salmon. i always have. it was one of the major reasons i decided i could be a rabbi, since in those days it was served in one form or another at every lifecycle occasion. meanwhile, i had not yet begun the diet.

this week i ran out of excuses. the fact that every single thing i love most to eat is now totally banned for 2 weeks - not naughty things, but all fruit, even healthy bread, and potatoes :-( - is utterly depressing. nevertheless, i had told so many people i was going to do it that i really had to have a go. so tuesday evening found me trolling through the supermarket, and filling my trolley with new and different things. an awful lot of green stuff, the kind i often buy a small amount of with the best intentions and then have to throw away when it goes brown and starts to become liquid. an awful lot of stuff that has to have something done to it - slicing, peeling, cooking - before it is palatable. an awful lot of ersatz stuff - i can't believe that i had to buy i can't believe it's not butter spray. i could not bear the sight of cottage cheese, but did buy my first pot of skim milk ricotta cheese. and, possibly for the first time in my life, i bought a fillet of salmon.

the next day was wednesday, and my first big test. in the afternoon, there are always piles of fresh, delicious bagels awaiting the students for snack before classes begin. i decided not to arrive until after the bagels were put away. nevertheless, it appeared that each child walking past me had hands filled with leftover halloween candy and a lollipop in each corner of its mouth. i began to practice with a batmitzvah student, and became convinced that someone was frying latkes in the synagogue kitchen. o dear - an olfactory hallucination. after class i ran home and inhaled the latest of several giant bowls of salad liberally drizzled with carb solutions dressing. i then returned for a committee meeting, and someone brought snacks: leftover halloween candy and cheese puffs and a bottle of wine. i am very grumpy.

today, it just seemed easier not to eat at all (except for a glass of skimmed milk in the morning to persuade my body it was being fed so it didn't lock down into starvation mode). and then ... all ye who know and love me please sit down and do not faint ... for dinner tonight i made myself broiled salmon with sauteed spinach and garlic. and there is salmon left for shabbat dinner tomorrow!

the only problem is the amount of washing-up i have to do. later ...