Gentleman Gigi Loses It

Juventus goalie Buffon explains to referee Oliver that he does not agree with the last-minute penalty kick awarded to Real Madrid that might end his team's fantastic fight-back (Photo:  Getty Images)

My beloved L impressed me the other night when she mentioned that she had heard about a great football match that Roma had recently won. I asked her if she had also heard about the dramatic end to the Juventus - Real Madrid tie and she had not. Of course, I had to tell her all about it!

Whether or not you are a tifoso, the sheer drama of that evening was utterly intense. For a full match report, here is something from the Guardian. Suffice it to say that Juve were 0-3 down from the first leg in Italy. They came to the Bernabeu, surrounded by Madridniks, and against all odds fought back to level the aggregate score at 3-3. In the 3rd minute of added time, with the game seconds away from the extension of 30 minutes extra-time, the referee gave a penalty kick to Real. Of course, if they were to score, the game would end immediately, and Juve's fightback would be for nothing. 

L tells me that Gianluigi Buffon, one of the greatest goalkeepers ever to play the game, and coming to the end of an illustrious and successful career, also has the reputation of being a gentleman. She was shocked to hear how he responded in this moment of disaster.

In that moment, Gigi Buffon lost it. I don't think we know exactly what he said. Afterwards he apparently said that he meant every word. Huffpo published quotes including:

"Cosa ho detto all'arbitro? Avrei potuto dirgli qualsiasi cosa ma lui doveva avere la sensibilità per capire il disastro che stava facendo. Se non hai quella sensibilità devi stare in tribuna a mangiare le patatine e mandi qualcun altro perché significa che non riesci ad arbitrare queste gare. Uno che si comporta così, al posto del cuore, lo ripeto, ha un bidone dell'immondizia, perché è troppo eclatante."

With my limited Italian I understand this as not sharing the actual words he used at the time. Buffon basically says that if the ref doesn't have the sensitivity to get what a terrible thing he is doing, he shouldn't be a ref, and should go sit in the stand and eat some chips! Then comes the quote that has already become a meme throughout Italy - the referee has a dustbin instead of a heart!

So, Buffon was sent off, and thus denied his team their best chance of responding to the penalty. Juve had to bring on poor old Wojciech Szczesny to face Cristiano Ronaldo, the scorer of 40 goals in 37 appearances this season so far. Ronaldo buries the penalty. Real Madrid win. 

This is already so last week. Except today L, armed with her new calcio knowledge, greatly enjoyed the latest Snoopy cartoon:

Why would anyone leave the crusts on pizza? Surely they have a dustbin instead of a heart?!

If you find any other examples of this meme, do let me know, and I will link to them. I may also need to send them to the idiots who sent vile & angry texts to the referee's wife. For crying out loud!

Update - here are some Twitter examples of the meme (#BuffonDiceCose):

When Harry Met Sally
Oliver gets some chips
(my favourite so far) Buffonic version of Jane Austen
& finally:

a sweet cartoon of Gigi's mama taking him home after the game

John Ehle R.I.P.

John at his table in the Gloriette Cafe in the early 1980's
(Photo:  ajf)

John Ehle was an American author who was one of North Carolina's greatest writers, and considered to be a key figure in the emergence of Southern Appalachian literature as a presence in modern literature. For a couple of years in the 1980's, he and his family lived down our street. Through my youngest sister's friendship with his daughter, I did a little babysitting. John also gave me my second ever non-synagogue-related job (the first was doing the Xmas post), i.e., in those pre-computer days, typing up his handwritten draft pages for the novel on which he was working at the time. Looking at his bibliography, it seems likely that it was The Winter People, but I honestly don't remember. What I do remember was finding him regularly upstairs at the corner table in the Gloriette Cafe where he would happily spot you a hot chocolate and a good conversation. To this day I appreciate the attention and respect he gave to a teenager with literary pretensions.

I was sad to hear this week of John's death at the end of last month. Although we had not been in touch for many years, my sister is still fast friends with his daughter, so I had heard news of him now and then. His beloved wife, Rosemary, sat with my family and friends at my Ordination service, and we were also very occasionally in touch. The thing is, with both of them, no matter how long it was since last you met, they made it so easy to pick up again and once more feel connected. My thoughts and prayers are with Rosemary, Jennifer and the rest of their family at this time. May his memory be for a blessing.

Citizen Times obituary

Winston-Salem Journal obituary

The Journal shares a letter recently made public, in which Harper Lee comments on John's work, saying:

"John Ehle's meld of historical fact with ineluctable plot-weaving makes "The Land Breakers" an exciting example of masterful storytelling ... he is our foremost writer of historical fiction."

NCSSM obituary

Appreciation of John for his 70th birthday from the Greensboro News & Record in 1996

The Gloriette is no more, but the arrow points to where John was sitting in the photo above.

PS  When packing up my stuff, I found a plaster cast from a broken wrist when I was c. 23 - my only cast up to this point (poo poo poo). The first person to sign it was Rosemary, John's wife (but that's a different story). The rest of it is covered with friends and half the QPR squad. I just noticed today that John also signed it:

Bulge in the Old Onion Bag

Sometimes there's a day where, even though the sun is shining, it feels like everything's gone pear-shaped.

A Moment of Joy

On a day when there has been such very sad news (thinking of the family & friends of Lt-Col Arnaud Beltrame), and when so many friends are making their voices heard in the USA in a struggle to change policies and save lives (#marchforourlives), forgive me if I take a moment to appreciate the absolute joy expressed by a young man beginning his career (who happens to have been discovered by my favourite football team!) Congratulations to Paul Smyth, making your debut for your country today, and then scoring the winning goal!

Cat Stops Play

Adding insult to injury, the Turkish club Besiktas has not only been knocked out of the Champions League football tournament by Bayern Munich, but they've also been charged by UEFA for allowing a cat on the pitch. According to the BBC, the exact charge is "insufficient organisation". As if anyone has ever been able to herd a cat!

Meanwhile, on Twitter, the cat was voted MoTM:

That reminds me of a previous MoTM winner at Loftus Road vs Leicester City a couple of years ago:

3rd February 2019 UPDATE

Yesterday a black cat on the pitch during the Everton loss to Wolves held up play for 7 minutes. Particularly amusing was the commentator's description of the cat's movements. You may find it on this BBC page (which also remembers other similar events, including the one that originally engendered this post).

Obstreperous with E-on

Long Google search for pic expressing my current feelings. Found this. Feeling itself well expressed. Just wishing the model wasn't so blonde, so Caucasian, so young.

E-on is my current electricity company. My use of the word current is not meant as a pun (though it did raise a smirk), but rather to suggest that it may well not be my company of choice in the future. The other day there was a power cut. My meter went blank, and I couldn't tell if I had enough electricity to last through the snow. I could not get through on the phone, so I followed the advice on the website, and sent an e-mail.

Today E-on called me back. I've already lost an hour of my life dealing with their rigid protocols, ear-wormingly repetitive music on hold (for over 30 of those 60 minutes), and inefficient complaints procedure, so why should you also suffer? Suffice it to say that it might not have been so bad if, when the representative concluded with the question, "has your complaint been resolved?", I'd just said, "Yes. Thank you. Goodbye." However, being me, I had to be literal. "No," I said. Del was a bit surprised.  Apparently, if the customer says no, the protocol is to refer her/him to the Complaints Department. All I meant was that the meter hadn't been fixed yet. And, being me, I couldn't let it go. Sigh. One hour later I'm no wiser, but perhaps less inclined to be obstreperous in the future.

What has me steaming, though, is that once again I do not understand why customer service training does not seem to include this simple tool:  when you receive a call from a dissatisfied customer, the very first thing to do is to state kindly and compassionately some version of:  I'm sorry that you are unhappy. The customer hears "sorry" immediately, and in most cases this completely diffuses the situation. By saying sorry you are not laying yourself or the company open to litigation. You are not taking personal responsibility for what has happened. You ARE acknowledging that this customer has arrived at your desk because they are upset, and you ARE showing them that you would like to help them. Why is this so difficult? (Especially if you are a man in your early 20's)

Meanwhile, maybe I need to work on being a little less difficult myself. I don't know what got into me!

UPDATE: today was the day that they came to fix the meter. I was given a slot from 8 am to noon. At a quarter past noon, the chap showed up. He couldn't find the fuse, and the building manager had to come over. The fuses weren't marked, so an E-on guy with a machine had to come over. He was in Bedford. He had to go somewhere else to get the machine. When he arrived, he needed batteries for his machine as "guys keep nicking mine".  He changed the meter and the job was completed just before 5 pm.

Sir Roger Bannister R.I.P.

Rabbi Dr Albert H Friedlander & Sir Roger Bannister

This afternoon we heard the news that Sir Roger Bannister has died at the age of 88. Although he is best known for being the first runner to break the barrier of 4 minutes for running the mile, as I read through the obituaries and testimonials, it is clear that running was more his avocation, and medicine his vocation. Perhaps, therefore, it was all the more so thrilling for Albert to meet him and have a good conversation together.

bottom left: "Friedlander, miler"

It is a gene that lies most dormant in me, but my father both loved running and had some ability. I understand that he turned down an athletic scholarship to LSU in order to attend the University of Chicago. He could run the mile in about 4 & 1/2 minutes in the early 1940's, and his coach thought he might have a chance in the 1948 Olympics. However, his mother would have none of that (he needed to concentrate on his studies) and over the summer managed to fatten him up enough to thwart this plan!

But today is about Sir Roger, so I will conclude by stating how much Albert admired him as an athlete, and as a mensch. With condolences to his loved ones, may he rest in peace.

running with his children in the park

Appreciation from the BBC website including video of the record-breaking run, and an archival interview.

NY Times obit (behind a paywall but a few free articles available)

Daily Mirror (including several tributes & tweets)

Financial Times obit

The Guardian obit

Runners World obit (annoying pop-up ads)

Bath Chronicle (former Bath schoolboy)

Huffington Post

A Sheldon Moment

"The Reform Rabbi", R B Kitaj

Listening to the Robert Elms show this morning, there was a discussion of an upcoming exhibition at the Tate Britain:  All Too Human:  Bacon, Freud and a century of painting life. They mentioned R B Kitaj, and Robert spoke about Jewish painters and how he lives near Frank Auerbach. I felt compelled to shoot off an e-mail about Kitaj also being Jewish and how he painted my dad, and Robert read it (https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05wjttl   starting at 52:18 - can be listened to until the end of March). 

It was kind of cool to hear Robert Elms say I am a friend of his, although I did immediately remember in TBBT when Sheldon meets Professor Proton (c. 1:15 in):

"a friend would've told me about the elevator!"

If At First You Don't Succeed ...

My old AWFC favourite Jordan Nobbs sends in a header near the end of the recent FA Cup game vs Millwall Lionesses. The first photo shows the looks of anticipation on the faces of the attacking team, and the looks of trepidation on the defenders' faces. The second photo shows Jordan's disappointment as the ball misses the goal, and the release of tension for the defence.

This past weekend my beloved QPR had a terrible time vs Nottingham Forest. I was all the more dismayed as it was the first match ever attended by my beloved LL. We lost 2-5 in possibly the worst performance of the season. After the game, as LL consoled me, I reminded myself that this was only one game, and there would be another, and thus another chance. It's one of the best things about a sporting competition - that there will be another encounter, another opportunity.

Sometimes it doesn't work out. That's no reason to quit. The old adage is, "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again." Once Jordan is back from her current injury, there will be many more headers and shots on goal. QPR play again away to Aston Villa on Saturday. And I need to pull up my socks and tackle some tasks that currently feel impossible!

Rainbow Pilgrims Online Exhibition

It is LGBTQI+ History month & I've just returned from the launch of the Rainbow Pilgrims online exhibition at the Wiener Library. Am proud to have taken part in the Roundhouse Radio workshop and to have been photographed by the talented Susanne Hakuba for the project.

Please check out the links to learn more (the workshop link takes you to my bit :-)  ) and, if you are in London next week, come to the pop-up exhibition launch!

More details may be found here.

Carter Cool

It was a lovely afternoon - a crisp chill in the air, intermittent sunshine, and a charming attempt at some hail that melted as soon as it landed on our puffa jackets. It's been a while since I've had a chance to take some football photos, and Arsenal Women, once they'd overcome the initial resistance of Yeovil Town Ladies FC, attacked in numbers that gave me a gentle refresher course in timing and focus. Danielle Carter kindly scored the first goal at a great angle for my little camera (see above). However, although her team-mates were rather pleased about this, she made nary a gesture of celebration (see below).

I have previous photographic evidence that Dan Carter will at least point to the sky with one finger in the traditional celebratory pose, but today she did not. It was disappointing from a camera point of view. Nevertheless, I set off home at the end of a 4-0 victory for AWFC in excellent spirits and looking forward to seeing what I'd got in my camera.

On the way back, I was checking social media, and read the sad news that an inspirational colleague has entered hospice care. Some years ago, she had survived a terrible car crash, and defied all prognoses, fighting her way back to life and work. She is someone who has changed the world in which she lives, and we celebrate her leadership and achievements. It is hard to accept that this time she probably will not defy her doctors' predictions. Now when I look again at Dan Carter after scoring her goal, I'm not quite sure why, but I'm glad she's not jumping for joy. 

UK Shopping Advice Needed: Underwear for Men

UK shopping advice needed for mens underwear:

Someone I know who is helping homeless men in Central London has suggested that I may provide some underwear. (Not a subject about which I know much.) Am looking to find the best balance between expense and ethical sourcing. Happy to support local, independent and artisanal suppliers. All suggestions received with gratitude!

Rabbi Streep

The rabbi from the Bronx Home for the Aged gives a eulogy in Angels in America (I used to do Shabbat services for the Jewish Home for the Aged in the Bronx, and they were my first High Holiday pulpit during rabbi school!). This is taken from a 2003 TV performance of Tony Kushner's work - I have the DVD but somehow never watched it. Thus I was pleasantly surprised by an online article I read today once again demonstrating the magnificent versatility of Meryl Streep.

Ursula K Le Guin R.I.P.

Ursula K Le Guin has died. One of my all-time favourite writers, and shaper of my teenage political conscience through her novel "The Dispossessed", I also loved her novels about a young man who discovers he is a wizard and goes to wizard school!

My condolences to her family and friends.

NY Times obituary
BBC obituary
The Guardian obit
Remembering UKLG at Wired
David Mitchell on Earthsea in the Guardian in 2015
Her website

& finally, what Neil Gaiman tweeted:

Neil Gaiman
(@neilhimself)

I just learned that Ursula K. Le Guin has died. Her words are always with us. Some of them are written on my soul. I miss her as a glorious funny prickly person, & I miss her as the deepest and smartest of the writers, too. Still honoured I got to do this:  vimeo.com/112654091

A Deed of Lovingkindness

Monday is Mitzvah Night. I didn't realise it, but that is what it is. Just now in Fitzrovia, I met two young men, handing out food, socks, hats and pants to homeless men on the pavement this cold Monday night. 

I asked if I could help, and they invited me to join them for the next couple of hours. I couldn't tonight, but they said they'd be back next Monday, starting by the Tesco around 8:30 pm. They are not from an organisation, just two lads from Chesham quietly doing good deeds. They wouldn't take any money from me to help buy stuff. They said they would be happy to accept socks, hats and pants. 

O yes, if I had to, I think I might guess that they are Muslims. I mention that because the headlines on an evening paper I saw earlier were about the trial of the Finsbury Park Mosque attacker and his evil and irrational hatred. I hope I can find the guys again next Monday so I may give them some socks and hats and pants.

Fantastic News from Sydney, Australia

In 2000, the GLBTIQ Jews of Australia decided to come out as Jews. They planned to march at Mardi Gras in a group for the first time as Dayenu. It wasn't possible in those days for local rabbis to give public support to the group, and somehow I ended up being flown in from Virginia to pray and teach and march with this group. It was one of the great moments of my life so far. Eighteen years later, in the year Twenty-Chai, I'm thrilled to see that Emanuel Synagogue in Sydney has made history when two women stood under a chuppah in the shule to celebrate a legal, Jewish same-sex wedding, the first in Australia. Mazeltov to you all!

Here is the AJN article with more details.

Update:  the ceremony referred to here was a renewal of vows following a legal marriage in the United States twenty years previously. The first official marriage is scheduled to take place at Emanuel on 2nd May. More details here.

From Selma to Montgomery with Dr M L King

Tonight I had a thrilling surprise. A friend texted me a copy of this photo:

I consulted the Google and discovered that this photograph had been used to illustrate an article about why Dr King wore a Hawaiian lei at Selma. Here's the article if you're interested.

The thing is, well, look on the right-hand side of the photo. There is a man in a pale hat wearing dark glasses and a lei. Just above the hat is a face, well two-thirds of a face. The glasses and the shape of the head are quite familiar to me. Literally. This is the face of Rabbi Albert H Friedlander z"l. It is the face of my father.

WOW.

I immediately forwarded the picture to my mother, who had also never seen it before. Having expressed her excitement, she and I had the same thought at the same moment: do you remember the photo in the US Holocaust museum?

A Jewish Sports Day in Berlin in 1937. Part of a face in the bottom-right corner, wearing glasses. It's Albert! It all seemed a bit Zelig to me, except that Albert was really there.

Anyway, a bit late for MLK Day in the USA, but I wanted to share this with you all.

19.1.18 Update

I did not see the movie "Selma", mostly because I was put off by advance notice via clips and photographs that Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel had been edited out of the story. I grew up with the notion that R. Heschel and Dr King were friends and the photo of them marching together at Selma symbolised that the black and Jewish communities worked together for civil rights. Here is a HuffPost article by Peter Dreier that examines this situation: "Selma's Missing Rabbi"

Breathe in, Breathe out

Shabbat shalom!

Inspired by my friend, Rabbi David Mitchell (see his Thought for the Week here), I thought I would have a go at saying something instead of just writing it. It is under 4 minutes, but still too large a file to upload directly to Blogger, so here it is via YouTube:

Parshat Vayechi

Here's my latest Thought for the Week for the Liberal Judaism website. Shabbat shalom!

What does darkness mean to you? Is it the cloak for unknown danger? Does its cover give an advantage to your enemies? We feel vulnerable in the dark, and for those of us in the Northern hemisphere, there is little natural light at this time of year. Tradition teaches that we invite the sun to return to the physical world by lighting the lights of Chanukah. We begin gently, shyly, with a single light for the first night. Each night we add a light, building on what was there in order to push the darkness further and further away, ending with a glorious fiery statement of rededication.  And then that great star, without which our earth would perish, turns her face towards us once again.  As my late father used to say to me, “it works!”

Yet Chanukah is past, the miracle of the oil has been exposed as a myth, and the darkness is still with us. Ritual and science may bring us physical light, but we cannot forget that our souls also need a beacon to show the path. We need energy to turn ourselves to the world, and the world to healing. We need hope to move ourselves forward. For those of us for whom the miraculous cruse no longer shines, where may we find the first candle to light our way?

In this week’s Torah portion of Vayechi, Jacob is on his deathbed. He wishes to put his affairs in order, and calls for his favourite child, Joseph. Jacob asks Joseph to treat him with chesed ve’emet. He wants Joseph to swear that he will not be buried in Egypt, but that his bones will be returned to rest with his ancestors in the Cave of Machpelah. Joseph makes this promise, and fulfills it as soon as the days of mourning for Jacob are completed. The medieval commentator Rashi highlights the phrase chesed ve’emet. He translates it as true kindness[1], teaching us that since it can have no reward, a kindness done for the dead is the ultimate kindness. Such a deed is considered to be the highest form of a mitzvah, and Joseph does not hesitate to perform it, thus becoming an exemplar from generation to generation.

In our search for inspiration, could chesed be the first step on our spiritual journey? At its basic level, kindness is simply the desire to help others - how might this heal the world? What about Faith, or Love, or Justice? Look, we are just at the beginning. Let us start with something doable.

Our world is utterly hectic as we rush from commitment to responsibility with eyes firmly focused on our next appointment. However, there is always time for a small act of kindness. And if you compliment a person in the lift on their cool snow-boots, if you wave at a child in a pushchair as they pass you on the street, if you ask a checkout person how their day is going while they are ringing up your groceries – to what do such acts lead? You have seen this person. They have been seen. Kindness shines a light upon the other. To know that you are seen is a sign that you are no longer in the dark. And the energy that this experience gives you will, in turn, have a positive effect on the next living being you encounter. Such reciprocity sets up a chain of chesed[2], building on what was received, and pushing the darkness further and further away.

2017 has shown us once again that when terror and disaster strike, our first impulse is always altruistic. From the bravery of those who run towards danger, to the generosity of those who offer shelter and supplies, our instinct is to help each other. We just need to learn how to do it better on a daily basis, and without the drama! As the Twelfth Time Lord said, “Laugh hard. Run fast. Be kind.”

May we be inspired by Joseph’s chesed ve’emet, and add our kindness to the light. May this rededication of our souls invite Shechinah to turn her face towards us once again.  Chazak, chazak, v’nitchazek!

---

[1] A hendiadys, i.e., the expression of a single idea by two words connected with ‘and’, when one could be used to modify the other.

[2]  A thought developed after listening to Rav Leo Dee’s podcast on this portion at webyeshiva.org

Snow Defloration

You'd think it had never snowed before in North London. The WSL football match was cancelled, the Tube was suspended and the pavements are covered in soggy blobs of slush that will freeze in the night and make walking a nightmare in the morning. I'd forgotten where I was. Looking out of the window in the afternoon, I wondered why nobody had shovelled the sidewalk. Then I remembered that sidewalks get shovelled, but pavements do not. I'm not in Kansas any more. Or Brooklyn. Actually, it's been a couple of years since we had anything more than a flurry in Finchley. I guess we have to remember what one is supposed to do in such cases. Meanwhile, from the comfort of my faux Barcalounger, I shall check out a game of football played in New York today:

The Marvellous Mrs Maisel

It's the middle of the night so I am a little fuzzy and cannot remember who it was that suggested I watch The Marvelous Mrs Maisel. I have just watched the pilot ep, and am hooked. Maybe it's because my first ever primary school teacher was called Mrs Maisel? Probably not. Maybe it's because the show was created by the mind behind the Gilmore Girls? Possibly. Maybe it's because I clocked that the comic was ripping off Bob Newhart before it became a big plot point? Quite probably - a shared comedy palate is very attractive (aka it feels good to feel smart like that). Anyway, it is beautiful to look at, it made me laugh aloud, and it's great to see a Jew decide to not be a victim. I look forward to the next one. Now I lay me down to sleep.

Identity Crisis

Which was first, me or the emoji?!

On my way to Loftus Road at the beginning of the week, I thought I should warn my neighbour at the stadium that I looked a bit different from the last time I had graced my seat in the SA Road stand. Was a little freaked to see that after a long and difficult search* I'd managed to pick the same specs as the text emoji! 

On the plus side, if the response of friends and family is anything to go by, me & the 'ji have excellent taste :-)

* to be fair I must acknowledge the guidance and fashion sense of my beloved LL in this matter!