Thursday, October 21, 2010

Official Funniest Jokes of All Time

So the list of the 50 funniest jokes of all time is in. Caveats include that the list was published in the Daily Mail, that the jokes are English ones, and that only 36k people voted. Bearing that in mind, here are my favourites, and the status they achieved in the poll:

49. A seal walks into a club...
33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. (an old Tommy Cooper gag)
32. 'Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here" '
30. I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
18. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."
16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
11. 'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. '
8. Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
7. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
2. 'I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.'

I hated the number one joke, though. If you must know, have a look here.

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