Rest in Peace El Tel

 

News today that the footballer/manager/author Terry Venables has died. He was the captain and star of the first QPR team I ever followed, then the manager of my beloved team before he was poached by Spanish giants Barcelona. Known for his wit as well as his sporting intelligence, he led the R's to heights they'd not previously reached (an FA Cup Final!). Thank you for all the great memories.

Learn more about his life here.

Venables features, kind of, in a story about my sister's first time at Loftus Road. One of the visiting players on the field had been hit by the ball in a delicate part of his anatomy. The crowd started to chant, "In the balls, in the balls, in the balls!" The young and innocent child looked up at her father with her big blue eyes and asked, "Daddy, what are they saying?" He replied promptly, "they are singing the name of the manager!"

Rabbi Albert H Friedlander z"l

 

Albert doing his best Victor Mature impersonation at Stonehenge in the days when people were allowed to climb all over the stones and touch everything. People often remember his wisdom and his kindness. Also his sense of humour. It had a goofy side, however that maybe was less obvious outside his family life. Today, on the 19th anniversary of his death, I am missing that.

Meanwhile, a previously-unseen shot of us together I recently received from N (including my original panda friend). Focusing on happy memories. 

It's Albert HaGadol's Birthday Today!

My darling father was born 96 years ago today, as was his beloved brother Charles (also in the pic is their big sister Dorrit and the Friedl hair). My mother used to call him Albertus Magnus, although all he knew of the whereabouts of the Philosopher's Stone was what was written in the Harry Potter books. Since his newborn grandson now shares the name Albert, I thought it fitting to distinguish him thus. Greatly missed and always loved.

18 Years to the Day

Eighteen years seems like a long time, almost a generation. That's how long ago and far away my lovely father died. And yet he is often present in my life. His essence may be evoked in myriad ways, e.g., memories, Piglet, old friends, particular places, QPR, certain movies, music, and photographs.

Here's the thing, and it's happened a couple of times now. Sometimes he pops up in photos unexpectedly. For example the shot above we saw first in the Shoah museum in Washington DC. It is a Jewish Schools Sports Day c. 1937, in Berlin. We looked at it briefly as we walked by, and then my mother exclaimed, IT'S ALBERT! Bottom right-hand corner with the glasses. That's him.

Today I was once again looking at images from the 3rd march from Selma to Montgomery in 1965. I've shared previously some shots that vindicated my father's claim that he was close enough to MLK to have a chat and share a snack. This time I had a look at some video footage I found online.

Would you believe it, there he was again! Blink and you will miss him, but near the end (just below the YouTube arrow in the screen grab above), pale and bespectacled, his face appears briefly right behind Dr King.

I'm not ascribing any great meaning to this. But I do find it comforting to see him giving me a little wave now and then.

The loss is not so acute after 18 years, but he is still profoundly missed. On a quotidian level, just being able ask questions or to share things I've done, or to get a hug; and in terms of life, the universe, etc., to hear his thoughts on all that's going on in the world these days.

Meanwhile, I was able to visit the graves of both my parents last week. L & I said kaddish, and spent some peaceful time there amid the stones and the roses.

HaRav Uri ben Alexander Ziskind v'Sara Dina, zichrono livracha.

[If you cannot click the video, you can copy & paste this link:  https://youtu.be/fgywPx6Cv-g ]

18 Years Ago ...

Eighteen years ago was the final Father's Day with my father still alive. Of course we didn't know that then. Although he may have.

Eighteen years is quite a long time, but it still pinches each time the algorithms try to sell me on this day.

Meanwhile, the pic above shows AHF in the city he said he loved the most. And the pic below shares an unsung achievement of his, becoming a Knight of Mark Twain. 

Always deeply loved and missed.

95 Years Ago Today

95 years ago today, my father and his brother were born. Apparently my grandmother had no idea she was having twins, so after the first boy was born, she got out of bed for coffee and a cigarette. The midwife was almost out the door when Mutti called for her once more!

They lived good lives, and were greatly loved. They are missed by so many people. My only regret is that Lior & Albert never got to meet in person. But I know how happy he is that I got to meet her!

May their memories continue to be for a blessing.

We Love Lily!

Amici, one of my colleagues just shared with us a quote by Lily Montagu regarding the wearing of a kippah/yarmulke that I just had to pass on to you all:

"The custom of wearing a hat or not wearing a hat must be left to the choice of the individual. He must be impressed with the belief that the thoughts which prevail under the hat can lead him to God, not the hat itself."

[p 47, In Memory of Lily Montagu by E Conrad, Amsterdam 1967]

Dr King's Message Still Speaks to Us Today

Found this cool photo last night. The chap with the blue X on the left is my father. And I think the one on the far right with a blue Y on his pocket may be Rev. Andrew Young. It was taken on 21st March 1965 during the Civil Rights demonstration that marched from Selma to Montgomery in Alabama.

In the USA tomorrow it will be Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I grew up with stories of the Civil Rights movement and the importance of working together for justice and peace. However, the events of the last few years had greatly dented my hope that such things are still achievable.

Yesterday was not a great day. Just before going to bed here in Europe, news started coming in of a hostage situation in a Reform synagogue near Dallas. A rabbi and 3 congregants were being held by an unknown person who had walked into a Shabbat morning service. I am glad to say that, after several hours of negotiation, and then the intervention of a FBI Rescue team, all hostages were released without physical harm. The gunman was shot down, and we will certainly discover more of the story in days to come.

What strikes me tonight is how people responded, at least in the world that I inhabit. With the assistance of the internet, connections for support and information were quickly made, helping those of us anxiously waiting for news. The moment that had the greatest impact for me, however, was the swift organisation of an online place of meeting, where we could be together, make havdalah together, and share space and emotions during a time of such tension. What struck me most was the outpouring of love and support from those of other faith traditions and none. This dreadful event brought us together, and we were able to give each other strength and hope.

It is still possible, for this is not an old dream of the 1960's. I saw something of it yesterday. Dr King told us:

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."*

Today is Tu BiShvat, the New Year of the Trees, when from the depths of winter here in Europe, we look towards Spring and the return of leaves and flowers and plants and fruit. Today we planted parsley seeds, hoping to eat their leaves at our Passover Seder. Last night, at the vigil I attended, and in many others across the land, seeds were also planted, seeds of hope. In order to grow and bear fruit, all these seeds need to be cared for, fed and watered, protected from the cold and given a place in the sun. This is our task for the new year.

Baruch Atah, Adonai, Matir asurim.

Blessed are You, Adonai, who frees the captive.

* from a sermon at the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery AL (25.12.1957)

Drawing Together Ends 2021 Brightly

The Graphic Medicine's monthly Drawing Together group met again today. After losing the plot a couple of meetings ago, when I got stuck once again on my lack of technical drawing skills (and yet I still don't try hard enough to improve them!), I was encouraged to return by the artist leading this month's session.

The Zoom invitation included a few words from Judith:

"Learning to draw, or more accurately, realising how to look at things, for me marked the beginning of being an artist.

For this Drawing Together session, I have prepared a sequence of prompts with which you will explore when you learned how to draw and how you formed a unique sense of yourself as an artist.

As the New Year begins and the days grow longer, let's draw closer to the light, together."

Asked to recall our first memory of ourselves, what came to mind was sitting on the floor in our flat on W 116th Street, watching Bugs Bunny on TV whilst eating a piece of cheese. We had just under 2 minutes to draw this one.

The second prompt (4 mins) was a bit more difficult at first - I had absolutely no memory of the first time I knew that I liked to draw. I started to get anxious again but, thank goodness, other options were then offered, including "whatever it is that makes you you". And I looked back and saw my first camera, a Kodak Instamatic, and remembered how much from as far back as I go that I love taking pictures.

[the earliest QPR pic of mine I've found was taken with an Instamatic!

]

Judith concluded with a story about a woman she'd visited in a nursing home who had told her a story. The story made the woman very happy. She told it again. And again. In the end, it was the only story she told, but it always made her happy. Judith spoke about keeping ourselves in the light, and asked us to draw a favourite memory, perhaps the one story that we would tell when we were in the home.

Dithering about which memory would steal drawing time, and we only had 10 minutes, so I took the first that came to mind.

It was the day a congregant invited my dad to view the local derby with neighbours QPR in an executive hospitality box at Stamford Bridge. I happened to be a QPR photographer on the pitch that afternoon. In those days there were few, if any, women shooting football matches, so I usually got a lot of abuse from the crowd. However, the R's fans began to recognise me after a while. At half-time I walked towards the away end, and some fans began chanting my name. My father was so proud and excited - his favourite team, his first-born on the pitch, her name being sung by several hundred fellow fans. I sometimes wonder if this was just a bit better than the day he blessed me in front of the ark when I was ordained. So, this is the drawing. And even though it probably wasn't on that day, I drew the floodlight, shining down on the away end.

In between each prompt we got the chance to look at each other's drawings, and hear the stories behind them. I love this group - people are kind and supportive and encouraging. I hope it continues in 2022!

PS Sorry about the faintness of the pencil. You might see the drawings better if you click on them. They get bigger too!

A Magical Moment

I've already mentioned that the first home game of the new football season featuring QPR vs Millwall is the 50th anniversary of my first ever live football match. That day we also played Millwall, and I just found a press photo from that game, showing Rodney Marsh scoring the opening goal.

If the stand in the background is the South Africa Road stand, then I think somewhere around Entrance J, row V, seats 140-something you would have found my father, his friends and me. I have highlighted the blurry blob in the top right-hand corner of the photograph. One of those grey bits is me!

50 years of fandom. And 50 years of friendship and adventures. I'm thinking particularly of Geoffrey Davis, Albert H Friedlander, & Sallie Levy Lunn, may they rest in peace (and use whatever influence they may have to help us this season!).

Bless You Red Baron

Freiherr Hermann von Richthofen, former ambassador to the UK from the Federal Republic of Germany, has died at the age of 87 after a short illness.

As the great nephew of the WW1 flying ace Manfred von Richthofen, known as "the Red Baron", it was difficult for him to escape constant references to his famous relative, as well as the usual "We won the War" tropes.

Although I certainly grew up watching The Dam Busters and The Great Escape every 5 minutes on television, I also had a parent who loved Peanuts, and therefore knew all about Snoopy's exploits in the early days of aerial warfare.

Thus, when Ambassador von Richthofen arrived in London in 1989, my father found it very difficult to resist raising a fist and uttering the traditional cry, "Curse you Red Baron!" Von Richthofen graciously overlooked this, they became friends and, at the end of his posting, the ambassador bestowed the honour of Grosses Verdienstkreuz on the rabbi.

They remained in touch until my father's death in 2004 - I remember that he gave a speech at an intimate party in Potsdam in 2001 celebrating my parents 40th wedding anniversary.

If you can get past the paywall, there is a good analysis of von Richthofen's work in the UK in the Times here. My condolences to his family, may he rest in peace.

Koff Koff Years of Supporting QPR

Ok it isn't EXACTLY fifty years to the day, but the opening day of the 1971-72 season saw Millwall visit Loftus Road and since this match was 4 days before my birthday, my father was finally persuaded to take me with him to the stadium.

I'm ashamed to say that the only memory I have of that day is of being very small, and the pitch seeming very large and extremely green from high up in the back of the SAR stand where we were sitting. O, and my dad, Uncle Geoffrey & Henry Pincus passing a little silver flask back and forth over my head.

The team that I saw was:  Parkes, Clement, Gillard, Venables, Hunt, Hazell, Busby, Francis, McCulloch, Marsh, Leach.  The final score was 1-1 with Dunphy scoring for them, and Marsh for us. However, as I said, I have no pictures in my head of football. But thanks to the magic of the internet: 

This has a goal by Rodney Marsh. The first goal I ever saw live!

This has Millwall's equaliser. The records say it was Dunphy, but it looks more like an own goal to me.

ANYWAY, the purpose of all this is to point out that this coming Saturday, QPR begin the new season at home to ... Millwall. What a coincidence. Were it not for all the travel difficulties caused by the current Covid situation, I would be next to my friend Chris in the SAR stadium, celebrating this anniversary. 50 years of fandom. Thank you to Uncle Geoffrey for converting my father, newly-arrived from the USA, into a follower of the Superhoops. Thank you, Daddy, for the best birthday present of my life. And thank you for all the friends I've made and adventures I've had because of this passion. COYRS!