Resisting the Yetser Ra

 

We are in the Hebrew month of Elul, and looking back at our actions over the past year in order to identify what needs teshuvah (restitution, if possible, and apologies) and healing. We want to repair our world and take better care of it, and ourselves.

L & I decided last week that we need to stop buying chocolate at the supermarket. The supermarket decided last week to import probably my all-time favourite UK chocolate confection:  Maltesers!

I am glad to say that, after picking up a packet, showing it to my friends and explaining how delicious they are, I was able to put it back and walk away. However, I may now need to change supermarkets.

Wishing everyone the strength to overcome their temptations, and when they slip up, to forgive themselves and then have another go!

Yom HaBlintz!

It's Pancake Day today! In the Xian religion it is known as Shrove Tuesday, and here in Italy it is Fat Tuesday (or Carnevale). Shrove Tuesday is the last day before Lent begins, a period of self-examination for the purpose of spiritual growth that leads up to Easter. This period is often marked by fasting, and "Fat Tuesday" is thus the last day of eating rich food. 

Clearly I am not following a religious tradition (although any chance to become more self-aware and make teshuvah for my mistakes is always welcome), but I am following a cultural tradition and a family one too.

Growing up in the UK, Pancake Day was such a part of the general culture that they made TV commercials about it (the traditional flavouring was lemon juice, so the JIF lemon juice company had a slogan - don't forget the pancakes on JIF Lemon Day!). And it was a tradition that my late mother loved to follow. She made the lightest crepes, and for the last decade of her life the two of us always celebrated together. Last year was the first Pancake Day without her, and so I learned to make them myself. One year later, I think I will have another go, and remember the sweetness of her pancakes, and of our times together at the kitchen table.

Baseless Hatred

Sinat Chinam, or baseless hatred, is the reason that the rabbis in the Talmud give us for the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 CE (Yoma 9b). That is, people within our community hated each other for no good reason and behaved badly towards each other. Earlier this week, many Jews observed the fast day of Tisha B'Av. This is the historical date of the destruction of the Second Temple, the First Temple and many other calamities throughout Jewish history. They mourn for what has been lost. Other Jews who may not feel the need to mourn the Temple life still take this time as an opportunity to consider the way we treat each other, and the other in our lives. We note with regret the mistakes we have made, and resolve to improve ourselves in the days to come.  It is thus all the more distressing to look back on the events of the most recent Rosh Chodesh celebrations at the Kotel in Jerusalem. The Haredi community flexed its muscles to try and prevent the monthly service led by Women of the Wall. Noa Kligfield, an 11-year-old girl from Los Angeles who was present that day, describes her experience eloquently:

"Charedi leaders bussed in more than 7,000 yeshiva girls my age and filled up the Kotel plaza to ensure that there was no room for us to pray. Jeering and yelling, blowing whistles and making faces, calling us Nazis and throwing eggs, with their eyes full of such hatred, it terrified me. These girls didn't even know me, yet they despised me. They had been brought up to loathe all of the women I was praying with, and it was somehow deemed a positive learning experience for them to protest against us."

You may read the rest of her report here.

It seems so clear to me that working out how to share time and space with those who do things differently to us is hopefully a path away from all this hatred. At the same time I know that it takes energy and focus that I am not always willing to share. My excuses seem valid - I'm too tired, I have other priorities, it's a hopeless task. So I talk about how depressing it all is, but still do nothing. Then today I read a drash by  Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld. He writes:

"... dislike of others - whether acute or subtle - is an enormously self-satisfying way to live. Nothing forces me to grow, to change, to come out of my own little shell - and that is just the way I want it"
(You can find the rest of it here.)

I thought - ok,  if I give up trying, then at least I should acknowledge that it is because of my own wishes and feelings and ego. Change is so bloody hard as well as scary. It's much easier to cope with current issues than to muddy the waters and have to deal with unknown challenges. As R. Rosenfeld says, if I blame others for the wrongs of the world, it's about my comfort level and nothing else. I'm saying it's their fault and their responsibility. That's an easy way out, free from guilt!

In fact, it's not so easy, because if I continue to be honest with myself, I am quite miserable. It's not just the constant stream of terrible news from the world out there - the travesty of justice for Trayvon Martin, Indian children dying from tainted free school dinners, the famous and infamous struck down by disease and addiction. There are currently too many people that I'm mad at, too many people I think have hurt me, too many people I know I have not treated well. There's no hatred yet, but if I don't sort things out, I can see how our anger could head in such a direction.

So what can I do? It's pretty simple, really. I need to get offline and start talking to these people. Maybe we can fix things, maybe not. Time to have a go. L'hitraot.