My Heart Belongs to Daddy

Rabbi Albert H Friedlander z"l

85 isn't so old these days. If my father were alive, he would be 85 today. So would his brother Charles. Sadly neither of them are with us any more. There is some comfort in knowing that he was loved and is remembered by many people across the world. Would rather be able to give him a birthday kiss.

So I looked online to see who else shares this day as a birthday and found the following:

Rabbis Kaufmann Kohler and Joachim Prinz

Athletes Dennis Bergkamp (interviewed by the lovely David Winner), Jonathan Edwards and Merlene Ottey.

Bad guys John Wilkes Booth and Mark David Chapman (Rick Santorum is not as bad as them but does share the birthday)

Music heroes Sid Vicious, Donovan, Max Steiner and Bono

not to forget Thomas Lipton, Karl Barth, Fred Astaire, Milton Babbitt and Maureen Lipman.

There are loads more, but I'm supposed to be working ;-)

Maurice Sendak R.I.P.

Many people will no doubt express their sadness at the news just in that the writer and illustrator Maurice Sendak has died. It is always sad when a creative talent leaves our world. Read, however, his point of view as reported in the Times last year:

"On the sun-dappled road, Sendak’s mood is far from bucolic. “I think the whole world stinks: everything is decaying, the lack of culture depresses me most. I’m happy that my career is over and I can do what I like. I don’t want to be part of anything. I like where I live, what I read; I’m still doing my books, people are still purchasing them.” Is he happy? “Who’s happy? What does that mean? Of course I’m not, I’ve nothing to be happy about. I can’t complain about my life, I’m just a little bit nervous about how it’s going to end.” Does he think about dying? “Constantly, constantly. It’s time to go, it’s time to get the f*** out — it really is — but look how pretty it is here.”

His family and friends have died (only his sister Natalie lived beyond 83). “I’m old enough to die. I despise religion in all forms, so I have no hope of an afterlife. If I saw my mother and father again, I think I’d kill myself.” We both laugh at the idea of killing yourself when you’re dead. “I will be nothing and nowhere, and that will be such a relief. To be something and somewhere is very tiring: the good times are so few.” However, Sendak has found depression “an awful waste of time” and alleviated it by reading, walking and listening to music (Mozart, Haydn and Gluck are favourites)."

If you have a subscription to the Times, you may read the whole article here. We will miss him. I hope he's surprised by what happens next!

Cisse scores for QPR vs Stoke City

A French Perspective on the Election

Under the headline of "Présidentielles : surprise ! c'est (encore) un homme !", mes amies at Le Blog d'une Chienne de Garde demonstrate their excitement at the news that Carla Bruni is rumoured to be on a flight to Los Angeles since her husband just lost the French Presidential election.

What? A translation? Hmmmmm ... the quote is something like "I'm not born a feminist, I am becoming one". As for what the testicles are saying, the Babylon translator online suggests "with the hair to the tabs and all" but I suspect that is not quite what the artist wishes to suggest. The headline, with my A for O-level French, I can reliably tell you it says, "Presidentially:  Surprise! It's (once more) a man!"

O well. Let's reserve judgment on the new Socialist President-elect of France:  Francois Hollande!

A Novel Plot

I had never heard of Christine Brooke-Rose, but upon reading her obit I was amused by this description of the plot of her novel Xorandor:

" Xorandor, for example, concerns a sort of sentient silicon pebble which overdoses on Caesium, becomes convinced it is Lady Macbeth and threatens to destroy the world. The work is narrated in the form of an invented technological slang dialogue between a pair of twins and their computer."

The full obituary may be read here.

Rain Rain Go Away

After much of the country having been put on drought warning, we appear to have had a month's rain in a few days. That may explain why I opened my front door the other day to see the above view.

Reminded me of Make Way for Ducklings, a book from my childhood over which my sister and I fought for ownership as adults.

There's a hole in my sock

Memories. They keep coming back to you like ... memories. (For those of you who may remember her, thanks to the Chicken Lady from the Kids in the Hall for that quote)

This morning I put my heel through a sock while dressing. It's a simple sock - a white ankle sock with a small navy Nike flash around the top. I should just bin it. The problem is, this pair of socks is the only tangible souvenir I have of a brief encounter when I turned forty and went mad for a few months.

After 5 years as a rabbi in the Shenandoah Valley I was lonely. I'd been offered a new contract, but turned it down. Put my stuff in storage, and got a mobile phone. With no plans in mind, I accepted a High Holyday gig in Seattle, and decided to drive there from Virginia. I earned $1800, and kept on driving until it ran out.

It was in San Jose that I met her. Mutual friends invited us out to dinner. She was a cantor, and we bonded through the music of Kurt Weill. We went home together, and I didn't leave the flat for 3 days. Then it was time to go, and I got back in my car and headed East.

That's what I remember. Except for the bits I couldn't possibly write down. The memory may be inaccurate, fraying at the edges during the past nine years; tidied up a bit for brevity or clarity. All that is certain is that she gave me this pair of socks. They were still in a plastic wrapper, and she did not want them washed and returned. I don't remember why I needed them. I just know that each time I put them on I think of her for a moment, and smile.

There's a hole in the heel of one of my socks. I don't want to throw it away although I should. I'm wearing it right now, and I'm smiling.

An Orange on the Seder Plate

Taking part in this year's campaign by Nashot HaKotel aka Women of the Wall. It must be at least 25 years since the first feminists added an orange to the symbols on the Seder plate. WoW asked us to photograph ourselves with an orange upon which was written one's name and current location. So here I am (wearing the QPR Dennis the Menace shirt just after returning from the Arsenal game).

So why an orange? The story is circulating that Susannah Heschel (daughter of the great rabbi Abraham Joshua H) once asked an orthodox rabbi when he thought women would be allowed to stand on the bima and lead the community in worship. His supposed reply was that it had as much chance of happening as there was of bread being placed on a Seder plate. Turns out that this is not what actually happened. According to Heschel herself, the issue was solidarity with Jewish lesbians, and since one should not put bread on the Seder plate, she decided that an orange should be used instead. The full details may be found here.

Today, in solidarity with LGBTQ people, women, and anyone marginalised and suffering from prejudice, we maintain this custom.

Passover Greetings

Our Seder is almost ready to go. Just waiting for one more guest (apart from Elijah). As we read and discuss our ancestors' journey from slavery to freedom, I hope to work hard in the coming year for those in our world who are still enslaved.

Wishing peace and joy to all. Chag sameach!

Happy Happy Happy

Adel Taarabt's impromptu Tommy Cooper impersonation last Saturday vs Arsenal

And to think that my fear of utter humiliation by an Arsenal team on a 7-win streak almost led me to call Chris and ask him to find another buyer for his ticket! Luckily I did not, and was present for a stunning 2-1 victory.

It's impossible to describe the utter exhilaration of the nanosecond after your team has scored a goal. All I can say is that I was so energised that I was able to run up all the stairs at the Metropolitan line station to catch the train and not even feel out of breath!

And so the dance of hope continues. One week salvation seems quite possible , and the next relegation is imminent. Baseball season has started, but it's just not quite the same.

Sad Sad Sad

That's QPR for you. They pull off an incredible comeback from 0-2 vs Liverpool to win in injury time and rekindle hope that it is still possible to avoid the drop. And then ... and then they crumble at the Stadium of Light and crush our hearts once more. And bloody Cisse gets sent off again. I think he has now been banned from more games than he has actually played for us. We are so relegated. Yet I still have shelled out for a ticket to see the Arsenal next week. What is my problem?!

Hi Lo Armani Lining

WARNING - OLDIE RANT ALERT

I have been spoiled in the past by having a ten yard commute from my bedroom to the office. Karma is coming back to me though, as these days I must take the Northern Line tube trains to get to work. Until now, I had thought that the Manhattan underground during rush-hour was the ultimate in sardine subway experiences. No longer is that so. In the past few weeks I have been in more intimate contact with utter strangers than with people I have dated. Since I am armpit height, I have conducted an involuntary survey on the efficacy of the use of underarm deodorants. And I have developed a strong dislike of the current fashion for women to have long hair that flows freely around their shoulders, particularly if they have a tic that means they flick their hair every few seconds. Someone's going to lose an eye one of these days!

Today, however, for some strange reason (and those who know me will know how strange this is), the issue that enraged me was younger men and their pants. There are those who currently enjoy going without whilst wearing trackie bottoms. Please don't! There's nothing more unsavoury than being crushed against unrestrained dangly bits from Finchley Central to Warren Street. As for those who are kind enough to don a pair, I am most grateful. However, I have no need for visual proof of this fact. I'm happy to trust you to get dressed properly before you leave your home. And I'm really not impressed by the label on the waistband.

Actually, I was thinking about why this bothers me so much. It's a toss-up between the anxiety engendered by worrying if your trousers will fall down at any moment, and envy that you seem to be able to keep your trousers up despite having absolutely no hips whatsoever.

In the end, if the research in the picture below is accurate, I don't understand why you'd want to do it in the first place.

Way to go, Lionel!

In the recent Sunday Telegraph, Cardinal Keith O'Brien stated his case against same-sex marriage. Amongst other things, he said:

"Same-sex marriage would eliminate entirely in law the basic idea of a mother and a father for every child. It would create a society which deliberately chooses to deprive a child of either a mother or a father."

If you must read the rest of his article, it may be found here. 

Meanwhile, Lionel was invited onto the Today show this morning on Radio 4, along with the Cardinal. As reported by The Week:

"The cardinal described the plans as 'grotesque' and said they would 'shame the United Kingdom'. Likening gay marriage to slavery, he told John Humphrys the move would be 'violating human rights' and lead to society 'degenerating even further ... into immorality'.

Moments later Rabbi Lionel Blue read out his Thought for the Day, in which he told a humorous tale about 'loving couples' walking in London in the springtime.

""A gay couple arm-in-arm walk behind a young man and his girl", he said. "Suddenly the boy and girl have a flaming row and one of the gay couple remarks sadly to his partner: 'That is what comes of mixed marriage.'""

The rest of that article may be found here. We love you, Lionel.

Keshet UK "It Gets Better" Video Now Online

The full length Keshet UK vid is now up on YouTube. Please share it anywhere you think it may be helpful! Pink News wrote it up very nicely here!

More Coverage from the UK Jewish Press

This week's links from Jewish newspapers in the UK and Pink News:

Joe Wolfson, an Orthodox rabbinical student currently studying in Jerusalem, writes about "the gay dilemma that confronts Orthodoxy". in the JC

Jessica Elgot responds to Doreen Wachmann's article in the JT here.

The JC reports on the KeshetUK 'It Gets Better' vids, concentrating on those made by former JFS students here

Ms. Elgot also highlights Benjamin Cohen's video here

Comment by Benjamin Cohen in the JC re "Why am I broadcasting this positive message?"

In New York, R. Yehuda Levin says "cure gays with chemicals" Stephen Gray of Pink News writes a response (and it may contain a quote from the ravaj).

Meanwhile, just found this older article in the JC from last October by the Masorti rabbi Jeremy Gordon discussing "why gay sex is not immoral"

Take care, and as Dave Allen used to say at the end of his show, may your god go with you!

The Story Continues

In the interests of the community, and to gather together for myself for reference, here are more links in the continuing story of being LGBT and Jewish in the UK:

The JC reported on the refusal of JFS to meet with ex-pupils to discuss their concerns about homophobia at the school.

The newspaper also noted the intent of KeshetUK to present education packs to JFS as part of LGBT History month.

in the JC Gemma Hersh writes "I'm gay, but I want a Jewish life"

via Pink News Chaim Levin writes about his terrible experience of "reparative" therapy.

also in Pink News, Orthodox rabbi Yitzchak Schochet tells us that everyone is welcome

Meanwhile, an added wrinkle just appeared, with a column in the Jewish Telegraph by Doreen Wachmann, suggesting that homosexuality is a disease that can be cured.

Pink News published a response by, among others, my colleague Rabbi Mark Solomon.

Finally, if my previous blog post did not persuade you, you might still use this link to look at some KeshetUK vids supporting LGBT Youth!

It Gets Better!

My friends and I at KeshetUK spent most of yesterday filming and editing some vids to add to the collection under the banner of 'It Gets Better'. We were talking specifically to LGBT Jews, but I do hope the message speaks to many more. Here is my contribution:

Have a look at the others too ... and more will be uploaded as we receive them. It really does get better!

One Week Later - JFS Update

There were rumours yesterday that the Jewish Free School was going to make a statement with regard to the story in the Jewish Chronicle last week discussing the way homosexuality is referred to in Jewish Studies lessons at the school. Nothing has yet been released.

Meanwhile, here are the latest links to the JC's follow-up stories:

In this leader, the newspaper suggests that the school is bandying semantics. A couple of hours later, the JC online posted a story that refers to the letters written to the school by Alma Smith and Dalia Fleming. You may find it here. Keshet UK is mentioned!

And so we wait to see what happens next.

O Akos, My Akos

Buzsaky is back. Here he is celebrating a stunning goal scored against Wigan at the weekend. He looks rather happy. Not as delighted as we were. Much singing of his special song - 'The White Pele'.

The Jewish Free School

Since early last week, there has been a lot of attention paid to a particular Jewish Studies lesson taught at the Jewish Free School (JFS) with regard to a reference allegedly made to an American organisation called JONAH aka Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality (possibly now changed to 'Healing' rather than 'Homosexuality').

The furore began with a front page article in the Jewish Chronicle, that suggested the school might be teaching that homosexuality can be 'cured'.
Read it here

Keshet UK - the LGBT Jewish Forum put out a press release
Read it here

Pink News, an online lgbt website followed the JC, including a response from the headmaster of the school.
Read it here

The London Evening Standard picked up on these stories and printed their version.
Read it here

Meanwhile, the Progressive Jewish movement spokespeople began to express their positions:

Rabbi Laura Janner-Klausner spoke on behalf of the Movement for Reform Judaism.
Read it here

Rabbi Aaron Goldstein spoke on behalf of the Rabbinic Conference of Liberal Judaism.
Read it here

Other initial responses included:
Adam Wagner on Cartoon Kippah (here)
Dalia Fleming, a former JFS student, responded here. She also writes about her experience here.
The LJY-Netzer weekly Chinuch article
A letter from former head girl Alma Smith

Not having been in the lesson myself, I cannot comment on the details of what happened. However, if just one student came out of that lesson feeling confused and unsafe, then I must do all I can to support him/her in working with the school to change that atmosphere.

JFS does not deny making a reference to JONAH. If only they had been prepared to say ooooops we should have researched this organisation properly before including it in the curriculum, then there probably would not have been a story at all. In any case, rather than focussing on one particular occurrence,the question now is how to go forward, to make sure that the entire culture of the school may be developed to create a safe space for our LGBT students.

UPDATE Here is a link to a current Orthodox Jewish perspective from North America on homosexuality.