UK Shopping Advice Needed: Underwear for Men

UK shopping advice needed for mens underwear:

Someone I know who is helping homeless men in Central London has suggested that I may provide some underwear. (Not a subject about which I know much.) Am looking to find the best balance between expense and ethical sourcing. Happy to support local, independent and artisanal suppliers. All suggestions received with gratitude!

Rabbi Streep

The rabbi from the Bronx Home for the Aged gives a eulogy in Angels in America (I used to do Shabbat services for the Jewish Home for the Aged in the Bronx, and they were my first High Holiday pulpit during rabbi school!). This is taken from a 2003 TV performance of Tony Kushner's work - I have the DVD but somehow never watched it. Thus I was pleasantly surprised by an online article I read today once again demonstrating the magnificent versatility of Meryl Streep.

Ursula K Le Guin R.I.P.

Ursula K Le Guin has died. One of my all-time favourite writers, and shaper of my teenage political conscience through her novel "The Dispossessed", I also loved her novels about a young man who discovers he is a wizard and goes to wizard school!

My condolences to her family and friends.

NY Times obituary
BBC obituary
The Guardian obit
Remembering UKLG at Wired
David Mitchell on Earthsea in the Guardian in 2015
Her website

& finally, what Neil Gaiman tweeted:

Neil Gaiman
(@neilhimself)

I just learned that Ursula K. Le Guin has died. Her words are always with us. Some of them are written on my soul. I miss her as a glorious funny prickly person, & I miss her as the deepest and smartest of the writers, too. Still honoured I got to do this:  vimeo.com/112654091

A Deed of Lovingkindness

Monday is Mitzvah Night. I didn't realise it, but that is what it is. Just now in Fitzrovia, I met two young men, handing out food, socks, hats and pants to homeless men on the pavement this cold Monday night. 

I asked if I could help, and they invited me to join them for the next couple of hours. I couldn't tonight, but they said they'd be back next Monday, starting by the Tesco around 8:30 pm. They are not from an organisation, just two lads from Chesham quietly doing good deeds. They wouldn't take any money from me to help buy stuff. They said they would be happy to accept socks, hats and pants. 

O yes, if I had to, I think I might guess that they are Muslims. I mention that because the headlines on an evening paper I saw earlier were about the trial of the Finsbury Park Mosque attacker and his evil and irrational hatred. I hope I can find the guys again next Monday so I may give them some socks and hats and pants.

Fantastic News from Sydney, Australia

In 2000, the GLBTIQ Jews of Australia decided to come out as Jews. They planned to march at Mardi Gras in a group for the first time as Dayenu. It wasn't possible in those days for local rabbis to give public support to the group, and somehow I ended up being flown in from Virginia to pray and teach and march with this group. It was one of the great moments of my life so far. Eighteen years later, in the year Twenty-Chai, I'm thrilled to see that Emanuel Synagogue in Sydney has made history when two women stood under a chuppah in the shule to celebrate a legal, Jewish same-sex wedding, the first in Australia. Mazeltov to you all!

Here is the AJN article with more details.

Update:  the ceremony referred to here was a renewal of vows following a legal marriage in the United States twenty years previously. The first official marriage is scheduled to take place at Emanuel on 2nd May. More details here.

From Selma to Montgomery with Dr M L King

Tonight I had a thrilling surprise. A friend texted me a copy of this photo:

I consulted the Google and discovered that this photograph had been used to illustrate an article about why Dr King wore a Hawaiian lei at Selma. Here's the article if you're interested.

The thing is, well, look on the right-hand side of the photo. There is a man in a pale hat wearing dark glasses and a lei. Just above the hat is a face, well two-thirds of a face. The glasses and the shape of the head are quite familiar to me. Literally. This is the face of Rabbi Albert H Friedlander z"l. It is the face of my father.

WOW.

I immediately forwarded the picture to my mother, who had also never seen it before. Having expressed her excitement, she and I had the same thought at the same moment: do you remember the photo in the US Holocaust museum?

A Jewish Sports Day in Berlin in 1937. Part of a face in the bottom-right corner, wearing glasses. It's Albert! It all seemed a bit Zelig to me, except that Albert was really there.

Anyway, a bit late for MLK Day in the USA, but I wanted to share this with you all.

19.1.18 Update

I did not see the movie "Selma", mostly because I was put off by advance notice via clips and photographs that Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel had been edited out of the story. I grew up with the notion that R. Heschel and Dr King were friends and the photo of them marching together at Selma symbolised that the black and Jewish communities worked together for civil rights. Here is a HuffPost article by Peter Dreier that examines this situation: "Selma's Missing Rabbi"

Breathe in, Breathe out

Shabbat shalom!

Inspired by my friend, Rabbi David Mitchell (see his Thought for the Week here), I thought I would have a go at saying something instead of just writing it. It is under 4 minutes, but still too large a file to upload directly to Blogger, so here it is via YouTube:

Parshat Vayechi

Here's my latest Thought for the Week for the Liberal Judaism website. Shabbat shalom!

What does darkness mean to you? Is it the cloak for unknown danger? Does its cover give an advantage to your enemies? We feel vulnerable in the dark, and for those of us in the Northern hemisphere, there is little natural light at this time of year. Tradition teaches that we invite the sun to return to the physical world by lighting the lights of Chanukah. We begin gently, shyly, with a single light for the first night. Each night we add a light, building on what was there in order to push the darkness further and further away, ending with a glorious fiery statement of rededication.  And then that great star, without which our earth would perish, turns her face towards us once again.  As my late father used to say to me, “it works!”

Yet Chanukah is past, the miracle of the oil has been exposed as a myth, and the darkness is still with us. Ritual and science may bring us physical light, but we cannot forget that our souls also need a beacon to show the path. We need energy to turn ourselves to the world, and the world to healing. We need hope to move ourselves forward. For those of us for whom the miraculous cruse no longer shines, where may we find the first candle to light our way?

In this week’s Torah portion of Vayechi, Jacob is on his deathbed. He wishes to put his affairs in order, and calls for his favourite child, Joseph. Jacob asks Joseph to treat him with chesed ve’emet. He wants Joseph to swear that he will not be buried in Egypt, but that his bones will be returned to rest with his ancestors in the Cave of Machpelah. Joseph makes this promise, and fulfills it as soon as the days of mourning for Jacob are completed. The medieval commentator Rashi highlights the phrase chesed ve’emet. He translates it as true kindness[1], teaching us that since it can have no reward, a kindness done for the dead is the ultimate kindness. Such a deed is considered to be the highest form of a mitzvah, and Joseph does not hesitate to perform it, thus becoming an exemplar from generation to generation.

In our search for inspiration, could chesed be the first step on our spiritual journey? At its basic level, kindness is simply the desire to help others - how might this heal the world? What about Faith, or Love, or Justice? Look, we are just at the beginning. Let us start with something doable.

Our world is utterly hectic as we rush from commitment to responsibility with eyes firmly focused on our next appointment. However, there is always time for a small act of kindness. And if you compliment a person in the lift on their cool snow-boots, if you wave at a child in a pushchair as they pass you on the street, if you ask a checkout person how their day is going while they are ringing up your groceries – to what do such acts lead? You have seen this person. They have been seen. Kindness shines a light upon the other. To know that you are seen is a sign that you are no longer in the dark. And the energy that this experience gives you will, in turn, have a positive effect on the next living being you encounter. Such reciprocity sets up a chain of chesed[2], building on what was received, and pushing the darkness further and further away.

2017 has shown us once again that when terror and disaster strike, our first impulse is always altruistic. From the bravery of those who run towards danger, to the generosity of those who offer shelter and supplies, our instinct is to help each other. We just need to learn how to do it better on a daily basis, and without the drama! As the Twelfth Time Lord said, “Laugh hard. Run fast. Be kind.”

May we be inspired by Joseph’s chesed ve’emet, and add our kindness to the light. May this rededication of our souls invite Shechinah to turn her face towards us once again.  Chazak, chazak, v’nitchazek!

---

[1] A hendiadys, i.e., the expression of a single idea by two words connected with ‘and’, when one could be used to modify the other.

[2]  A thought developed after listening to Rav Leo Dee’s podcast on this portion at webyeshiva.org

Snow Defloration

You'd think it had never snowed before in North London. The WSL football match was cancelled, the Tube was suspended and the pavements are covered in soggy blobs of slush that will freeze in the night and make walking a nightmare in the morning. I'd forgotten where I was. Looking out of the window in the afternoon, I wondered why nobody had shovelled the sidewalk. Then I remembered that sidewalks get shovelled, but pavements do not. I'm not in Kansas any more. Or Brooklyn. Actually, it's been a couple of years since we had anything more than a flurry in Finchley. I guess we have to remember what one is supposed to do in such cases. Meanwhile, from the comfort of my faux Barcalounger, I shall check out a game of football played in New York today:

The Marvellous Mrs Maisel

It's the middle of the night so I am a little fuzzy and cannot remember who it was that suggested I watch The Marvelous Mrs Maisel. I have just watched the pilot ep, and am hooked. Maybe it's because my first ever primary school teacher was called Mrs Maisel? Probably not. Maybe it's because the show was created by the mind behind the Gilmore Girls? Possibly. Maybe it's because I clocked that the comic was ripping off Bob Newhart before it became a big plot point? Quite probably - a shared comedy palate is very attractive (aka it feels good to feel smart like that). Anyway, it is beautiful to look at, it made me laugh aloud, and it's great to see a Jew decide to not be a victim. I look forward to the next one. Now I lay me down to sleep.

Identity Crisis

Which was first, me or the emoji?!

On my way to Loftus Road at the beginning of the week, I thought I should warn my neighbour at the stadium that I looked a bit different from the last time I had graced my seat in the SA Road stand. Was a little freaked to see that after a long and difficult search* I'd managed to pick the same specs as the text emoji! 

On the plus side, if the response of friends and family is anything to go by, me & the 'ji have excellent taste :-)

* to be fair I must acknowledge the guidance and fashion sense of my beloved LL in this matter!

It's All About the Passion

 

A fan's-eye view of the equaliser

(warning:  amid the joyous screams there may be one fruity word (not from me - I think I am the one who screamed WOO HOO! Quite surprised to learn that this is my go-to exclamation of joy) - nu, please make sure not to play this in front of children)


Yes, more football, I know ... but, you see, it really is one of my passions, and don't you think that it is our passions that fuel our lives?

So last Monday, QPR were at home to Brentford. This was a local derby, and therefore Sky TV decided to televise it. QPR have a terrible record of embarrassing themselves on live national television, so we were not looking forward to the game. I always say that anything is possible, and try to remember that before every match. By the 90th minute, however, the pattern seemed familiar as we were 0-2 down, and the seats began to empty. The Brentford fans in the School End taunted us mercilessly, telling our manager that he would be sacked in the morning.

A couple of minutes into injury-time, the substitute Matt Smith scored a consolation goal, and trotted calmly back to the centre circle. That was nice, I thought. As we waited for the final whistle to end our misery, we got a free-kick just inside the Brentford half. Everyone bar the goalie went up for it. In came the ball, players scrambled in the penalty area, and suddenly that ball was in the back of the Brentford net and we all went mental. I couldn't stop laughing. Everyone around me was jumping up and down, punching the air, and waving at the Brentford fans. The chant went up, "Two nil, and you f***ed it up!" and then the whistle went. It was only a draw, but it felt like a victory. The feeling of elation was immense, and it carried me all the way back to Finchley on a cold, damp night.

On the way out of the stadium I heard some poor girl crying, "I went to the toilet and I missed 2 goals!" Did she not know that you do not leave during the game? (and maybe also that you do not have that last drink before the game) I guess you have to learn the hard way. Once we were losing 1-3 with less than 10 minutes to go and my father said we should leave so we would beat the rush at the Tube station. When we got home, we found out that we'd made a bit of a comeback and had won 4-3. NEVER AGAIN, I swore, and so far that has been the case. 

My point, though, is that (cliche alert) it's never over 'til it's over. A lot of people gave up and went home. Our manager had a go at them in the post-match interview on tv, and the media decided to attack him for it. Under this kind of pressure, he has now posted a video to apologise if people were offended. I wasn't offended, but then I didn't leave! As he said, he is a passionate man, and he wants his team to be passionate, and wants our support. It's all about the passion.

Shabbat Shalom

Sometimes a cheeky smile from a friendly face can make your day. Thanks to the bus driver yesterday whose grin helped me let go of the rude things the angry old woman was shouting at me! #smileplease #thankyou #gazza #letitgo #shabbatshalom

Happy Hodu

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get to Wisconsin this time for the first time in several years. My heart will always be there on Thanksgiving, with Auntie D & the Rileys & many wonderful memories. What will I do instead? I've put a couple of Happy Hodus up on Facebook, but that's really more of a reflex. When I was young, my father would go to a hotel somewhere around Russell Square that did Thanksgiving dinner for lonely Americans (my British mother did not feel it appropriate to celebrate an occasion that marked running away from the nasty British people). I checked out that hotel the other day. They had no idea of such a dinner, but did try to get me interested in their Halloween party. So nu, no dinner for me. That's fine - I'm a perpetual turkey-pardoner. 

I was ready to pretend that Thanksgiving didn't exist this year, and then a dear friend posted that she was listening to Arlo Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant whilst preparing her feast. And so, with thanks to Leslie, I'm now listening to 18 minutes of Thanksgiving joy! I used to be able to recite the entire piece. Luckily for you all, in my dotage I remember only random sentences. If you would like to listen to the original, here is a link.

Meanwhile, from my visit to Stockbridge MA in 2008, please enjoy Piglet & the red VW microbus letterbox outside the church, as well as Piglet on the steps of Alice's church.

Happy Thanksgiving (hooray hooray hooray)!

Great Away Games to Remember

One of the greatest things about being a football fan is the last 30 minutes before kick-off. In that moment, anything is possible. Optimism is high. You have hope. There is no greater feeling than hope! My QPR team kicks off away to Derby County in just under 30 minutes. This photo reminds me of another night when the odds seemed against us, but we were delightfully surprised. COYRS!

Weekly Football Fix

I wasn't able to get to Loftus Road yesterday, but at least nobody will call me a Jonah for the sad loss to Aston Villa. Sad to miss the chance to take more photos, so here's one from last week. Jordan Nobbs - Arsenal captain and England stalwart - and star for AWFC last weekend in the 3-0 victory against Sunderland. Here, however, goalie Rachel Laws thwarts the midfielder with a great save from a point-blank shot.

Dorrit F Friedlander z"l

Today marks four years since my beloved Auntie Dorrit died.

It is a night I shall never forget - sitting with some of her dearest friends around her bed, telling stories about her adventures. She left the world to the sound of love & laughter, on a cushion of joyous memories.

Of course I miss her dreadfully, but she is still able to let me know her opinion on a variety of subjects!

Someone recently asked me what it meant when we say that someone's memory should be for a blessing. I replied that knowing what our loved one valued in life may inspire us to express and share those same values. Thus our memory of that person is a source for the good deeds that we continue to do.

My aunt was one of the kindest people I have known. All three siblings - Dorrit, Charles and Albert - had kindness in their DNA. This is the blessing I want to share as I remember Professor Dorrit F Friedlander, aleha hashalom.

[NB this was posted on 14th of November London time, not quite the same day yet out west]

Remembrance Sunday/Veteran's Day 2017

Ideally I am a pacifist. And I acknowledge that I am able to hold such a view because of people who fought and died for my right to have freedom of thought.

There are not many veterans in my family, as they were mostly too old or too young for World War I (I'm still trying to figure out from a couple of letters we have exactly what happened to my grandfather Alex - he may have been a POW in Russia just before the Revolution), & during World War II if they had not been imprisoned or murdered then they were fleeing and living a refugee life. Albert's eyes were too bad for him to be allowed to serve as a chaplain in Korea, although he did try to enlist. However, his twin, my Uncle Charles, went to Berlin with the US Army in 1945, and remained as a reservist for the rest of his working life.

Charles was a physiotherapist, working with children in a Houston hospital. Every Xmas, he would don a Santa suit and bring gifts to the kids (we have some interesting photos with Albert and with me in that Santa suit!). One year, his army buddies helped him arrive in style via helicopter.

Today remembering all veterans and those who fell. Let us not waste the chance we still have to make tikkun olam in this world. Shavuatov.

AWFC 1-2 Fake Hoops

This is Jordan Nobbs, the captain of the Arsenal Women's football team. Here she is taking a corner during the first half of the Continental Cup match against Reading (known as the Fake Hoops to all QPR supporters). Ultimately, Arsenal lost 1-2, but they will probably still make it to the quarter-finals alongside today's opponents. I love this picture. I think it must be the mother and child in the background that makes it stand out vs other shots I've taken of Nobbs' corner-kicks. 

Singing 1984

Never realised I was such a Top 40 girl, but then 1984 was the year that I tried so hard (and failed) to fit in with my university classmates. It did lessen the bullying somewhat. These days all I really remember are songs that when I hear them I must sing. These thoughts have been triggered by an episode of Top of the Pops from 1984 I just watched. The Weather Girls performed "It's Raining Men" and from the first chord I sang along and realised that I knew all the words. Am having a bit of trouble falling asleep, so here are 10 other songs from 1984 that insist I must sing along:

*  All Cried Out (Alison Moyet)
*  Dancing in the Dark (Bruce Springsteen)
*  Here Comes the Rain Again (Eurythmics)
*  Jump (The Pointer Sisters)
*  Robert DeNiro's Waiting (Bananarama)
*  Shout to the Top (The Style Council)
*  Time after Time (Cyndi Lauper)
*  Your Love is King (Sade)
*  What's Love Got to Do With It? (Tina Turner)
*  99 Luftballons (Nena)

(Songs that didn't quite make it included:  Against All Odds (Phil Collins), Careless Whisper (GM), Hold Me Now (Thompson Twins), Karma Chameleon (Culture Club), Owner of a Lonely Heart (Yes), The Power of Love (Frankie Goes to Hollywood), Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Cyndi), When Doves Cry (Prince))