Sneaky Sister!

The sister of ravaj, who screams razorblades if one tries to photograph her, nicked this little pic last Boxing Day down at Mecca. Although we won, the football we played was incredibly bad, as reflected by the look on my face.

being sad

so i talked to my rav the other day. the rav of ravaj put it to me straight. people you love die, and it hurts like hell, and you keep going. why? because that's what you do. it is all you can do. and you do it again the next time. and again. and again and again.

in the middle of all this, i watch a doctor who episode about agatha christie and an alien lifeform and rather enjoy it; i buy some packs of baseball cards and pick out the red sox ones to trade with the 3rd graders for their yankees rejects; i eat mango someone else (or a machine) has peeled and sliced; i play scramble on facebook and i listen to a novelty record by david bowie ('the laughing gnome'). and now and then i cry.

some belated birthday wishes?

you didn't know that carlos tevez and i are like *that*? well now you do. some may say that this celebration after scoring against roma in big cup last night was a message to a family member, a family member that happens to share my name. some may say. but they forget that it is only just over seven months since my birthday. it is thus obvious to whom the message is directed.

pardon her, for she knoweth not what she doth

the owl of learning - bad news, good news

today ravaj took the first examination of the three that are necessary to be licenced in the state of massachusetts as an elementary school educator. the fogginess of sleep-deprivation brought on by a desperate blitz on overdue work meant that she was not exactly sure which exam she was going to take. however, she prepared as her classmates did, and spent hours making flashcards for all the technical terms about reading that she needed to know. she should have realised something was up when, instead of calling out the correct positions in italian for her swordfighting teacher, she kept saying, "phonemic awareness!" and "graphic organiser!". thanks to some coaching by a kind housemate, ravaj thought it possible to make a passing stab at the 'foundations of reading' test today. imagine her surprise when the test papers were handed out and she found she was taking the literacy exam instead! luckily, she is semi-literate, and thinks she found enough spelling and punctuation mistakes in the multiple-choice section to make the passing grade. luckily indeed. imagine how she would have felt if things had been the other way round!!

the owl of learning bites back

so there i was so happy that i was attending services as a grad student and taking part as a grad student. it was the first time in my life i was not either with my family or working. but could i keep my mouth shut? is that a rhetorical question? the rabbinic intern serving brandeis this year goes to the huc ny campus and i had to start asking questions and so i had to come out. o well - she wanted to honour me and i didn't want to dishonour her by not letting her honour me since she still believes being a rabbi is an honourable thing to be (ok ok and so it can be) so she called me up to read from the torah as ravaj.

the flip side of this is that after services were over a student came up to me and said hello rabbi do you remember who i am? of course at first i did not but when she gave me context i did. she told me that she was sitting with her friends in the congregation when i was called up to read the torah and said to them gosh that looks like my rabbi o my gosh that IS my rabbi! i batmitzvahed her in staunton five years ago. we caught up a bit and it was nice. the thing that had an impact on me, however, was that she said to her friends that is 'my' rabbi. made me feel durned good it did, and it has been a long time since anything connected to the congregational world has done that!

a rasp from the owl of learning

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

this is the way i am trying to present the fact that breathing is making my throat hurt this morning. heck, it is making my ears hurt!

however, i am not sick. in north america, feeling the way i do this morning is a good reason to go to the doctor. but i am not ill - i just have a cold. some generous student of mine shared a few germs, and now i have to get my act together and go to the chemist to collect a bag of goodies such as sudafed and sugar-free robitussin and soft soft tissues for my poor red nose.

there is no point going to sit in a corner of the classroom today while the other teachers wave garlic and magen davids at me to protect themselves from the lurgey that i carry. i shall, however, consider going to my class this afternoon, albeit under the influence of benedryl.

the best part is over, and by that i mean the gorgeous cabaret voice that had me doing bad marlene dietrich impersonations for friend and foe alike. *sigh* all that remains is wondering how many calories there are in post-nasal drip.

but i am not sick!

the owl of learning goes on holiday for a bit

the summer programme has ended. the mother of ravaj is pleased that despite the summer, ravaj still spells 'programme' correctly. everyone else wants to know - did you enjoy it?

'enjoy' is not the word to use. when you change everything - leave a profession, a home, a relationship - and start afresh, it is difficult and lonely. that doesn't mean it was a mistake. that means that it takes time to regroup and rebuild. i am glad to be learning again. i am glad to be studying towards a goal. i am glad i have stopped crying in school (well, mostly!).

i am also very tired. i have worked hard. i am very impatient, especially with the younger members of my class. this is totally unfair to them as i have an extra 20 years of experience upon which to draw. i need a vacation. and, next week, by jove, i am going on a little trip. hurrah! then, when everyone is back from their hols, we begin again!

the owl of learning (vi)

sowing in tears and reaping in joy comes to mind today. after much wailing and gnashing of teeth by ravaj on monday, conversations with teachers before the maths class led to an extremely unexpectedly enjoyable 3 hour lesson about bases. it's too boring to write about and i am too tired to try. suffice it to say that our teacher ended the session with a joke, and i got it. here it is for you:

there are 10 kinds of people in the world. those who understand binary systems, and those who do not.

owl of learning (v)

the agony continues. tried to do my maths homework this evening. several fuses in my brain blew. let's put it this way. i decided i would rather walk in the drenching heat through unlit unknown boston streets in a new york yankees t-shirt than face the pages on my desk.

i guess i need to thank the yankee pitcher for walking home baltimore's winning run in the bottom of the ninth at camden yards. any red sock who saw me this evening would most likely either gloat or pity me, rather than bash me.

*sigh*

growing pain

my gorgeous adorable niece has started nursery school. she is only 15 months old, but the place was available and there she is. my mother tells me that the other kids are mostly bigger than she is, and recently one of them smacked her. she had never had that experience before in all of her 15 months, and was so startled, she did not know how to react. my first response upon hearing this was that i am going to get on a plane to berlin and find the child who did it and, well, you know ... of course my friends all pointed out that this is a first experience for her of how life is and can be. yes yes yes i know. but already? and how dare anyone touch my darling niece! and ... and ... and ... *sigh*

owl of learning (iv)

today was my first day of school. by the time i got home around 6:30 pm, i didn't know whether to cry, to go to bed for the night or to have a couple of margaritas. o dear! not that i am complaining - it was an experience - i just did not realise how difficult it was going to be :-)

ok - we began with a 3-hour mathematics lesson. since we will have to teach elementary maths, we have to learn it also. i was good at maths when i was at school. on the other hand, the last time i did maths in school was 27 years ago, before two-thirds of the class was born.

shouldn't be a problem. i am intelligent. i can be taught this. i can learn it. and then 15 minutes into the class i am looking at the teacher and she is speaking and i am sure she is speaking swahili and i do not speak swahili. i am ready to cry. i tell her that i think she is speaking swahili. she tries to explain again, and i am not brave enough to tell her i still do not understand. my brain shuts down, and i start building towers out of the little plastik blocks she has given us to help work out problems about eric the sheep.

ok so i am humbled because i can honestly say that i do not recall ever feeling so incompetent and incapable and frustrated and stupid and hopeless. also, i can now empathise with anyone who ever feels like that in a class i may be teaching. i told her i had never felt like this before, and she said then either i must be really brilliant or ... i hastened to make the case against being very brilliant and explained how i had always avoided anything i didn't like in school. i did not say that these were things like biology, swimming and italian. it did not seem relevant.

now i feel like i was hit by a brick. i do sudoku every night, and get quite a lot of the fiendish ones from the times she said plaintively. ah well, 'twas only the first day. i have tear stains on my shirt, but tomorrow i shall wear another shirt. and the introduction to reading torah in the afternoon was enjoyable and more in my comfort zone, so i had time to recover. a bit.

i may return to this subject. probably tomorrow evening in the middle of trying to do the maths homework!