Words of the Day

 

Today I had to translate many words. A lot of words. And sentences. And idioms and metaphors. Mostly it was quite fun (except when I got a bit stuck). Luckily my beloved L has the Italian literary and linguistic background that I lack, God bless her.

My favourite English word of the day that I learned is "acephalous" ("acefale").

My favourite Italian word of the day is "tarlo" ("woodworm").

O, and I came across this delightful phrase:  "il/la tal dei tali" which is apparently equivalent to "whatsisname" or "whatshername". I shall be looking out for an appropriate occasion to use it!

A History of Inclusivity

It is Pride month, and I've just seen the new incarnation of the Pride flag. It now includes, on the left-hand side, a part of the Intersex flag. Hurrah for that!

If you don't quite know what it means to be intersex, please take a moment to learn. The need for me to understand more fully was just highlighted by reading a factoid that there are at least as many intersex people as there are people with red hair. Often I just don't realise how binary my way of thinking can be. Or what unconscious prejudices I may have. But I can do something about that!

Do please let me know where you find the most helpful information, and then I can add it to this post. 

Thank you, & Happy Pride!

Beans Beans They're Good for Your ...

... soul. This week our Drawing Together workshop was led by Zara Slattery from a room somewhere near Brighton. She had a bit of trouble getting into the meeting so while we waited, J suggested we should think about what we would like to be, to do well, in our next life, and then create a quick self-portrait. 

Cue my usual panic. Sometimes it's a bit boring. Anyway, I decided I'd like to be someone good at drawing, and spent much of my 3 minutes trying to reduce the size of the hand to less that that of the head. Our leader arrived, and asked us to draw beans. She drew a kidney bean. But it could be any kind of bean. We worked on a more 3-D representation. Then we had to smoosh our beans into 2-D and then 3-D shapes. I got stuck. Zara tried to help, but my mind was too resistant. Very frustrating.

Next we had to find words for emotions during a journey. In that instant of decision I could travel no further than the journey of that hour. And then we were asked to draw a 4-panel story of the beans going on that chosen journey expressing the words we had written down:

Next we had a couple of minutes to create symbols for each of the emotions. Zara talked about drawing bunnies and seagulls and I got tangled up in not knowing how to find a suitable creature let alone draw it but she gave us the out that we could also scribble so I scribbled away.

Finally we were to draw a map with a path around the outside into which our symbols would be placed to mark the passage of the journey. Then we were asked to draw our human beans in the middle of the map, going on that journey. Zara spoke beautifully about medieval manuscripts illuminated around the edges, and that led me to the memory of my favourite teacher ever, Mr Denham in the 4th year at Bousfield, who would only mark pages of homework if the margins were illustrated. I drew my path, and then it was time to add the beans:

I wanted to end on a positive note so I got my bean out of there. And then I got to see some of the drawings of others. It was another great hour in a safe and supportive place. And I'm getting better at not giving up, and having a go, although still with a bit of a hissy fit. But I like my beans! Thank you Zara & the Drawing Together team. See you in a month!

Piglet Retrospective XV

The day that Elvis met Piglet at Graceland. Clearly a bucket-list moment for them both. We took this for a birthday card for my father, who spent his first years in Mississippi in the town of Baldwyn MS with the wonderful Gorden family (whose son Phillip was born in Tupelo in the same hospital & 2 weeks apart from Elvis). As you can see, Elvis was thrilled to hear of this connection.

It was quite wonderful to see Graceland. And you may remember from my February post that this was also when I was chased by the security guard, who thought that I had stolen Piglet from the graveside collection of fuzzy tributes. 

When We Need a Little Joy

Someone just posted this photograph on the RetroQPR Facebook page. It is from the 89th minute of the Championship Final at Wembley in 2014 between Derby County & QPR. We had played most of the match down to 10 men after Gary O'Neil had been sent off for a professional foul. Our defence was valiant, but we really didn't look like scoring. Then, from a throw-in on the right, Junior Hoilett made it to the by-line and sent a cross over. Derby's Keogh misplayed it and Bobby Zamoooooooooooooooooora blasted the ball into the top left-hand corner of the net. In the 89th minute. Of a 90-minute match.

At first look, you might notice that the ball, the goalie indeed all the players are out of focus at this important moment. And then you realise, the ball is about to cross the line, but it hasn't yet. And what is in focus? The crowd. Look at the faces. Everyone in a moment of anticipation. In about three seconds, they will all explode with joy. I remember that I did. It is one of my great football memories. Seven years ago. Wishing everyone can find some joy today. Good luck to Swansea and their fans this weekend. COYRS!

When AHF met Eleanor R

Reading some old documents yesterday, I came across an exchange between my late father and his Aunt J (whence came my own J). They wrote mostly in German, 20 years after 11-year-old Albert had escaped from Germany. The following snippet was news to me:

"Nothing new here. Eleanor Roosevelt gave a speech here last night; and I had the honour of sitting next to her for half an hour and talking to her. As a 17-year-old student in Chicago, I had the same honour! Funny, isn't it? But the woman herself is really wonderful and fabulous. She gave a long speech about Israel, praised it very much, and urged the Jews of the city to buy Israel Bonds. The newspaper had a picture of the head table, with about 12 people (including me) and Mrs Roosevelt. I sent it to Mutti. I was only there to give the closing prayer after the meeting, but I took the opportunity to talk to Mrs Roosevelt."

According to the Wilkes-Barre Times Leader archive, Mrs Roosevelt was speaking at an Israel Bonds Chanukah dinner at the JCC (4th December 1958). I couldn't find the picture though. And according to her printed journal (the blog of her era), that visit was most memorable for the inconvenience of the weather:

I know she travelled extensively and met loads of people. I still think it's cool that one of them was my father.

World Bee Day!

I can't beelieve I missed World Bee Day. At least now I understand why there was a guy dressed as a bee yesterday on Antonella's cooking show on RAI1!

My apologies to the bee community, and here is one of the last bee pics I took in Finchley before leaving London. I was on my way to pick up some empty wine boxes (great for packing books) from Waitrose and spotted this chap on Ballards Lane.

Don't forget to put a little water on the windowsill for your local bees this summer. Some pebbles in a bowl (or marbles for a more colourful look) will give the bees a landing spot while they drink. Grazie!

 

Auguri (ppp)

9 years ago at 2 am during the WLS Tikkun Leyl Shavuot programme, I decided I needed a neck and shoulder rub to help me get through the night and down to Bournemouth the next morning to lead services there. I had always hated massages. But that night something called me.

Here we are today, blessed by having made a life together. We celebrate our journey, and wish peace and security to all.

My Name is Potato

I think I have found my song. And Rita Pavone is my new favourite singer. Had a tough 24 hours and was so glad for the arrival of Shabbat. After dinner, we turned on the TV and watched a quiz show where the contestants had to rank the top ten theme tunes of Italian children's tv shows of the 1970's. And they showed 5 seconds of this song:  My name is Potato. My beloved L agrees, it's totally me (except perhaps for the moment of dated cultural insensitivity of 1977). 

As my regular visitors may know, I have a great interest in potatoes. And now I have a song.  Shabbat shalom a tutti.

translation here.

Piglet Retrospective XIV

 Name that ceiling!

The news from the UK is that hugging some people sometimes will soon be permitted once more, and that indoor gatherings and eatings are also to return to social lives there. Where I live, we are a little less further along - and people are still falling prey to the virus - but L & I have both had our first in-person work meetings for over a year (masked, outdoors, but not through the internet).

We remain cautious and careful. Meanwhile, Piglet looks forward to celebrating with you all, as soon as it is safe and possible!

and Many Happy Returns of the Day to the Twins

94 years ago today my Uncle Charles & my father were born. It was a bit of a surprise to my grandparents, who had no idea that there were two babies on their way. Dearly loved, and greatly missed, I look today for happy memories of them, such as when Uncle Charles took us to the Astrodome to see a baseball game and we all shouted "Jose Cruuuuuuuuuuuz!" and, in the month when I celebrate 25 years since ordination, playing "Owl" together on the bima after my father's blessing:

It's Mother's Day Today

There are those who are mothers and those who have living mothers. I am neither. As regular readers will know, over the last decade+ our tradition was Chinese food together. Rather than post another photo from past meals in London, which today feels a bit morbid to me, here's a photo of me with an unusually delighted-looking mother. To those of us with difficult parental relationships, I hear ya. May we find the healing we need. To those with positive experiences, rejoice! 

NB I originally labelled this post for Mothering Sunday, and then my friend Ron taught me that the 4th Sunday in Lent is Mothering Sunday and that, of course, was a couple of months ago. He explained that this May day was the day that female domestic servants were given to visit their mothers, and it is also the day that people visit their "mother" church. Not to mention the US version, which was basically invented by Hallmark. Thank you, Ron!

Happy Birthday Golda!

 

Today is the 123rd anniversary of the birth of Golda Meir, described by Wikipedia as an "Israeli stateswoman, politician, teacher and kibbutznik who served as the fourth Prime Minister of Israel."

Meir was one of my sheroes growing up, and I was thrilled to walk past this lithograph in our flat every day. It was made by Marty Wiener, a friend of my parents. Like we used to do when we were little, he drew around the hands of his subjects. He then created a design around the drawings. Every now and then I liked to put my hands on the glass and measure them against Golda's. These days the picture hangs once again in my home. My hands still don't quite fit.

Mazeltov Classmates for our 25th!

Here we were, way back in the last century.

And five years later, the ordinands of 1996 at Emanu-El.

Mazal tov to us all, 25 years later. Doctor of Divinity, honoris causa. So many different journeys. Stay safe and well everyone, and hopefully one day we may have our reunion in person!

 

Say it Ain't So, Nigella!

O Nigella, tell me you were joking ... maybe you just binge-watched several series of 'Allo 'Allo ...

I have arrived very late to this meme, and now must feed my procrastination by googling Nigella's response to the mockery I'm sure this clip engendered.

[a few moments later]

Here is a video that covers the general response. And the kitchen goddess herself tweeted:

As for me, I mock not. After all, she was making mashed potatoes!

The Retirement of Fara Williams

 

2016 Williams corner for Arsenal at Meadow Lane

The footballer Fara Williams announced her retirement today. She has one of the great sporting stories. You can get the stats here, but suffice it to know that she was homeless for six years during the early part of her career, and ended up with the most caps ever (172) for England, having played in 3 World Cups and Team GB at the 2012 Olympics.

2015 corner for Liverpool vs Arsenal at Meadow Lane

I was glad when she played for a team I supported, and thank her for the hard work she always put in, as well as the football joy I got from watching the matches. I understand she is now studying for coaching qualifications and doing media work. Wishing her well for this next chapter!

Piglet Retrospective XIII

This post is part of the Piglet Retrospective, but it is also representing comfort food. My grandmother's grandmother came from Minsk, the potato capital of all the Russias. I love potatoes in all shapes and recipes. I believe that potato is probably part of my DNA. And so, when driving through Wyoming, I felt compelled to visit Devils Tower. I did not pay the $10 entry fee to the park, because what I really wanted was this view. And what does it have to do with potatoes? 

Ha-mayvin ya-vin.

Nu, the tower plays a prominent part in Steven Spielberg's movie "Close Encounters of the Third Kind", an old favourite of mine. So I went to have a look, and Piglet posed.

Remembering Rita Levi Montalcini

Outside Italy, and the scientific world, you may not have heard of Rita Levi Montalcini. I certainly had not until I came here. She was born today, 112 years ago. She was awarded the 1986 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine (jointly with her colleague Stanley Cohen) for discovering the nerve growth factor (NGF), the importance of which may be explained here. She was the first Nobel laureate to live to be 100 years old and actually lived to the age of 103. The main details of her life are recorded here.

In an interview in 2010, Viviana Kasam asked Dr Levi Montalcini what was the greatest satisfaction in her life. She replied, "The relationship with young people ... Being able to pass on what I know, to learn from them, to discover something new. This is what keeps me alive, the daily miracle of my existence."

Auguri Rita!

RIP Walter Mondale

Today we heard the news that Walter Mondale has died in Minneapolis at the age of 93. 

I have posted an image of this poster to recall that my first ever vote as an adult was in 1984, and I voted Mondale/Ferraro. I took that election very seriously, listening to the views of all the candidates on all the issues that were important to me. I chose these candidates, and they suffered one of the greatest losses in the history of Presidential elections. I remember seeing my father's tears after McGovern lost in 1972, but McGovern got 17 electoral votes and Mondale got 13. I think Alf Landon got 8 versus FDR in 1936, but can't find anything worse than that. 

The poster stayed on my bedroom wall at university for the rest of the year. Hey, I am a QPR fan - losing doesn't mean I stop loving you!

My thanks for your service, Vice-President Mondale, and my condolences to all who loved you. May you rest in peace.

 

Piglet Retrospective XII

 

It has been rather a while since we went on a trip to see friends and did anything touristy. It may yet be another while before we can do it again. Meanwhile, as the new James Bond movie prepares to open, the trailers show that they filmed some scenes in the town of Matera. Let's just say that Piglet got there first.

Do You Believe in God?

I've been in a bit of a fog for the past few weeks. No need to discuss why - I'm sure each of us has had much to deal with in our own situations as this time of Covid continues its journey into the unknown. We all seek support and comfort in our own way. One of my go-to responses is reading what my peers are posting on social media. Earlier this week I saw this tweet from my colleague Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg:

Clearly my title and profession suggest that I am likely to be one of those who believe in God (although that question was never asked at any point in the interview process for rabbinical school. Nor was it part of any required course that I took over 5 years of classes. It did come up in one elective class - homiletics - and 40% of the students did not return for the rest of the course, having been challenged on what God was for them). 

I am also aware that many of my friends consider religious beliefs to be at the core of so many problems in the world today. 

TheRaDR captures it in a nutshell - the traditional Western perspective of an "Angry Sky Daddy". Succinctly put. I might add also some kind of Superhero that one expects to swoop down in his cape and save the day when things get out of hand. It is a religious icon that's embedded in our secular culture, and we rarely think about it or question it. We either accept it or reject it.

For me, those are perspectives of a child. We may be the Children of Israel (or possibly the Teenagers of Israel by now), but we need to grow up. One of the big decisions facing us as the fog lifts is:  what are WE going to DO NOW? It is clear in so many ways what has gone wrong, and  if we want post-pandemic life to be any better than the path that led us to this moment, the responsibility is on us to make some changes.

So I will come right out and say it. If God does not exist, then the onus is on us, only on us, for who or what else is there? And if God does exist, and placed us in this world to care for it and each other, then the responsibility is just as clear:  the problems that we have are the consequences of our actions, and we have to fix things. This is the freedom that we received at Pesach, and continue to hold so dear.

My job has never been about persuading anyone regarding the existence of a Deity. I am trying to learn about how relationships work, how to develop strong and healthy ones, and sharing what I've learned with others so that we can DO something positive in our lives. Do you believe in God? None of my business. All I care about is that you find the support and strength, in whichever way works for you, so you can join in the work of tikkun olam. 

Shabbat shalom!

 

A Cagney & Lacey Passover

My love for the tv cop show "Cagney & Lacey" is boundless, so I was rather happy to come across this tweet today of the two actresses celebrating Pesach with a Seder last week.

And then I remembered the time I encountered Al Waxman, who played their boss at the 14th Precinct. I was living and working in Toronto. I'd had a night of insomnia, and had kept going by watching back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of the show. I was leading the Torah service in the morning, for a Bar/t Mitzvah. Mr Waxman had an aliyah, and when he was done I congratulated him, "Mazeltov Lieutenant!" I wasn't making a joke about the show, I was so sleep-deprived that I thought I was in it. Such fun.

It's After Noon So Now I'm Serious

According to the QI Elves "No Such Thing as a Fish" podcast, episode 72, there is a museum in North Korea that has a scaled-down replica of the world's largest table.

I have tried to follow the links given and also asked R. Google, but to no avail. Can anyone confirm this to be a fact? 

Grazie.

That Easter Monday

I don't seem to have many photos from this match. Which match would that be? Easter Monday, 31st March 1986. 35 years ago today. QPR 6, Chelsea 0. That day the fan within could not be controlled, and many more pics than usual were a bit out-of-focus. By the 6th goal, I couldn't even take them I was so excited. A great memory. A great day to be an R. Still get a bit hyperbolic about it:

And gentle folk in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their persons cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon that Easter day.*

* with apologies to W Shakespeare

Piglet Retrospective XI

 

This is one of my all-time favourite Piglet pics. Very An Affair to Remember (or Sleepless in Seattle for the slightly less ancient). This view from the top of the Empire State Building includes the World Trade Center towers, Liberty Island (with a teeny tiny statue) and my beloved Flatiron building amongst others. It evokes a lot of memories.

Keep on Drawing!

 

Drawing is difficult. Well, it feels difficult. To me. Possibly I focus on that too much. Anyway, it's a struggle. One of the great things about our #DrawingTogether group is the support that is given to anyone who dares to share how they feel. I have not yet stopped feeling intimidated by the quality of work so many seem able to produce so quickly. Yet these same artists always find something positive to mention about what I (and everyone else) share onscreen. This is a blessing.

Today's warm-up was 5 minutes to draw the Coronavirus. Quite a few people in the USA seemed hopeful and positive, looking towards the light. I still feel it looms over us, certainly here, so that's what I drew. 

The main exercise was to draw four panels, with 5 minutes for each one. The first was of three new objects with which we have become familiar during the pandemic:

I drew my drawing pencil (gosh it is getting short), with which I entered this group, a mask, and the white hair on my head revealed by the lack of access to a hairdresser (combined with my unwillingness to try and dye it myself which goes back to an incident with some cochineal when I was a teenager).

Then our moderator, the Spanish doctor and cartoonist Monica Lalanda, asked us to bring these three objects to life and name them:

The directions for the next 2 panels were tough for me:  we were to draw our creations interacting with each other. My mind went blank. All I could think was, I cannot do this. I wrote this thought in the chat, I said I couldn't see them interacting. Monica and others encouraged me not to give up. Someone suggested that I should draw them meeting, and I thought ok I will have a go. 

I don't know how Mascherina became the bad one, but that's how she turned out. Wispo appears to have gone to Egypt*. And then Tip found a way:

Not great drawings technically, but important for me because I didn't give up. & Monica made a point of saying to me that when the pandemic is over, I must keep drawing. 

That moment when it seems too hard, and you just want to stop. Or, you can whine for a moment, and then have another go. Thank you for the blessing that is Drawing Together.

* not a Pesach theme but a bad pun (they are in denial. I'll get my coat).

George Segal z"l

Sad to hear that the actor George Segal has died. From A Touch of Class to The Goldbergs, I greatly enjoyed his work in film and on tv. I met him once, when he came to visit my father to arrange his wedding to his second wife, Linda z"l. He sat in the big guest armchair in the front room and was charming and witty and discussed Torah with my dad. May he rest in peace. May all those who mourn him be consoled with the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Piglet Retrospective X

 

Feeling the need to escape from everything at the moment - too many plates spinning and don't want any of them to smash. The most random thing that came to mind was the Atomium. My mind is now in Belgium. Here is Piglet's view from a birthday bus tour of Brussels. 

Let's Talk About Chametz

This coming week is all about chametz. Technically, this is food with leavening agents that are forbidden during the festival of Pesach. Yeast, and many items that puff up when in contact with water (unless you are Sefardi, or Italian - it's not as complicated as it feels) are removed from your home down to the last crumb you can find. And then, throughout the festival, you eat only permitted foods. No challah for Shabbat, but matzah. No pancakes for breakfast but matzah brei. Sheets of matzah replace lasagne. Balls of matzah cook in broth. And we eat too much of Nigella's flourless chocolate cake. Or Ottolenghi's. Or your grandmother's.

So this is a time for spring-cleaning. But we don't just clean the kitchen, there is also the idea of a spiritual cleansing. How puffed up are our egos? What emotional chametz do we need to discard? 

This week I received a gift. Someone who had been a friend many years ago, but I felt had let me down badly maybe ten years back, they wrote me a brief note. For all these years I held onto my anger. Every time I saw something from them on social media, the feelings would blow up and I'd be mad all over again. What a lot of energy I invested in those feelings. And I couldn't, or wouldn't let them go.

Nu, we met up by chance at a Zoom gathering the other day. The next day they sent me a brief note:  "glad to see you so happy". And on seeing a message from them my anger did not blow up. No, my anger melted away. It's gone, really gone. What a blessing! I feel like some chametz has been removed from my heart. A perfect start to the preparation for Pesach. Thank you.

Wishing good luck to all who will be searching for chametz this week.

How Can it be 25 Years Already?!

 

The beginning of May will mark 25 years since my rabbinic ordination at HUC-JIR. Sadly this year we will not be able to gather in person to celebrate the milestone, but earlier in the week during the CCAR convention c. 20 of us met in a Zoom room to catch up and congratulate each other. It was important to me to hear about the oys and joys of these classmates over the years. I can't wait to be able to celebrate in person, but meanwhile a hearty mazeltov to all my co-DD-ers!

Piglet Retrospective IX

Oscars have been announced. Nominations apparently more diverse than ever before. To be honest, with all cinemas closed here, and without a Disney+ subscription, we have no idea who anyone is or what they were in. O, wait, we did watch "Mank". A very long movie that for some reason reminded us of "Citizen Kane". Except that was shorter. Although, surprisingly, only by 12 minutes. 

Anyway, good luck to everyone. Piglet dreams of a time when once again we may leave town and take tourist pics of famous sights.

Drawing Inspirations

There are some dreams that are just that, a wish for something that will probably never be, but now and then one may procrastinate for a moment and think what if ...? And then there are those that one may actually try to reach, which involve drive and stamina, and practice. 

I've always been a bit lazy, and definitely afraid of doing things badly. When I was little, I wanted to be a cartoonist like Charles Schulz. I decorated my exercise books with wobbly Snoopys and Charlie Browns. I doodled. I doodled on my schoolwork so much that the History teacher suggested I should transfer to the Art department. Or away from the History department. I made cute cards for my friends. I created a character. But although he wandered in and out of my notebooks and diaries, I never explored his world. There are so many excuses. But the fact is, I did not put in the practice. 

A few years ago an ad led me to attend a JW3 Masterclass with Ariel Schrag.  Then a gift from my beloved L of the ticket to an evening with Alison Bechdel (who did not flee from my fangirl affection and had a serious chat with me) led me to Laydeez Do Comics and the wonderful Sarah Lightman. Sarah, who forbade me to buy her book until I could show her six months of drawings done every day, sent me to Graphic Medicine and their weekly Drawing Together online meetings which included, a couple of weeks ago, a class with Lynda Barry. 

The encouragement of these individual people, as well as the kind and enthusiastic members of the Drawing Together group, have given me wings. After Lynda's workshop I wanted to draw. In fact, while I was waiting to be let into the Zoom room, I looked at the holding page and sort of sketched her face (that's the first pic above). And after it was all over, I thought I'd have another go (2nd pic), and then another:

Ok, they probably all look like different people, but it was good practice to draw what I saw and see how that comes out (proportions need a LOT of work). And this next one I was quite pleased about:

There are a couple more, and I guess I will keep drawing Lyndas for a while. I'm using some screenshots from the video as a model. Meanwhile, I want to thank everyone for being so positive. It really helps me to be less afraid and draw more.

PS  Here's a link to Lynda's #DrawingTogetherGM class.

UK Mothers Day 2021

Mothers Day can be tough for many reasons. A friend of mine lost her mother this week, and even before the shiva service she has to face the first of these days as an orphan. One may have, or have had a troubled relationship with one's mother. It's clearly not all breakfast in bed and flowers and chocolates.

This is the second of these days that I have not been able to celebrate my mother. As you may know, she loved Chinese food, and Mothering Sunday was a day when I would take her to lunch in a restaurant of her choice. We are currently under full lockdown again, so I can't even get some rubbish Chinese food here (we haven't yet discovered the best place in town, but we have been trying!) to eat on her behalf. So I am remembering past meals, under the watchful eye of the Dragon Lady of Old Brompton Road, after parking illegally somewhere off Baker Street, at the Red Sun near WLS, takeout from the Stick and Bowl on Ken High Street ... many good memories of quality time spent together.

As for the photo I've posted of a purple Kent House, if you look closely there is a light on in the flat on the second floor. That was where my mother spent so many evenings, watching her favourite tv shows, having a snack or a meal. I can be sad that today I'm not making her eat all the prawn crackers so I won't be tempted, or that light can remind me of the positive memories I have, and thus she will continue to shine on my life. 

Hoping that this day can bring us all something positive.

Piglet Retrospective VIII

Jumping Jehoshaphat it's March already! Piglet is jumping for joy (and not being blown off the sign by a gust of wind after I put him so carefully in place and stepped back to take a picture). Looking forward to Spring, and feeling some energy & hope!