Monday, January 14, 2008

roger stone z"l

being 3000 miles away when people die, especially people who have been part of your family's life since before you were born, is an odd place to be. in a way they are no less present in your current life, since there they already exist in memory alone. at the same time, the fact is that they have gone. but if you don't go to the funeral, if you don't see them put in the ground and you don't throw some earth on top of the coffin, then in some way it isn't quite over. this is one of the few situations when i understand what it means when someone says they have 'lost' someone. i hate euphemisms, and think we should say 'dead' when we mean 'dead' and not 'passed away' or 'passed on' or other phrases of their ilk. in this case, however, they really feel lost. the fact is that i may have seen roger once in the past couple of years briefly at services. nevertheless, he existed, if ever i cared to look him up or call him. now he has gone, and where i do not know. he was my mother's b/f at the time she met my father. my grandmother always thought my mother made the wrong choice, since my father was a rabbi and roger's parents had an indoor swimming pool at their house. my mother and he stayed fond of each other ever since. roger died in hospice care on saturday night. may he rest beneath the wings of shechinah.

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