about 9 months ago, our amazing temple educator got our religious school kids, and the ones at her other temple, involved with an organisation called the i.n.n.
we had learned that there are 40,000 hungry people in nassau/suffolk counties. we wanted to see what 40,000 looked like (we'd seen the movie 'paperclips') and lauren decided we would collect 40,000 quarters, lay them all out on the floor at the synagogue, and then give the $10,000 to the i.n.n.
yesterday we completed this particular project. this picture is of the quarters spead out on the carpet. at first we placed them very carefully edge to edge. as time went on, we ended up pouring the rest on the floor and spreading them out as flatly as we could! as you may notice in this picture!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
crouch playing for qpr!
here he is in the hoops.
come on you rrrrr's!
o yes, and congratulations to england. it wasn't pretty but they've made it to the next round.
come on you rrrrr's!
o yes, and congratulations to england. it wasn't pretty but they've made it to the next round.
a former qpr man has scored in the world cup finals
doesn't he look excited? did i mention he used to play for qpr?
a cross from beckham ...
... and crouch rises at the far post to power the ball past shaka hislop in the t&t goal. did i mention that crouch really started out at qpr? we picked him up on a free from spurs i think, but he started to look good when playing in the hoops. sold him when we were relegated from the premiership
world cup photo day
this is a picture of peter crouch missing an open goal against trinidad & tobago in the group phase this afternoon. i said at the time that he'd better score a goal otherwise he will be slated for misses like this.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
so rude!
today's telegraph has an article about how rude young people are these days.
it begins in an amusing way:
"Young people have always been rude, far ruder than anybody else. It goes back at least as far as Jane Austen. Remember how, in Emma, Frank Churchill left all the doors open, exposing poor fragile Mr Woodhouse to a draught? Even the Queen, aged 19, knocked off a policeman's helmet on VE Day, so she once told the writer Hammond Innes."
ever since i moved to the usa, there have been many times when i felt people were being rude. i usually put it down to cultural differences. i am not talking about those awful moments when i realise i am thinking just like a granny i am thinking in my day one knocked before entering a room and stood up to greet people and offered one's seat on public transport and let older people through first and cetera. i mean i was taught to do that, although i do not remember any kind of lessons - it was just understood that there were certain ways to behave and one should always be polite.
the thing that makes me angriest with regard to rudeness is probably call waiting. i am talking to someone. someone else wants to talk to me. they beep my conversation. the idea is (although i usually ignore call waiting unless it is a critical situation at work like an impending death and then i explain that to the person with whom i am actually speaking) that i now have to choose which person gets priority. even considering leaving the present conversation is rude. weighing up the relative merits of the 2 people is rude. rude rude rude!
o dear, i appear to be slipping into a rant. hopefully back to the point - what does the english newspaper article have to say?
"Many middle-class parents appear to believe that ''manners'' are some kind of appalling spiritual restriction on their darling child's individuality. How dreadful that little Ben or Zoe should have to take a polite interest in Aunt Marge's adored collection of house plants. In many households a separatist regime is operated where the children either eat in another room or appear at the table only intermittently during meals. They don't talk to adults, they don't ask or answer questions, they have no small-talk, they don't learn anything; they are stuck in the narrow perimeters of their own interests and experience."
ah yes, blame the parents!
at this point, the religionist in me does start to wonder ... gosh this is hard to figure out how to say ... i am thinking about how a sense of one's place in the universe affects the way one lives ones life. i may not be able to get my head around how infinitely minuscule i am in the larger picture. i do, however, need to know that i am not the centre of the universe. and i also need to understand the effect my behaviour has on the here and now.
so where am i with this at the moment?
however bourgeois i am, i still find it hard to abandon the motto "from each according to their ability, to each according to their need". for me this is the ideal. how on earth to get there is a whole other problem. that is what comes to my mind at first. next, i hear the great rabbi hillel saying, " what is hateful to you, do not do to others", and he continues, "that is the whole torah - the rest is commentary. now go and study it!"
you don't have to love everyone. how can you love EVERYONE? but you do have to treat them with respect.
as a jew, i may look to the writings of my bible and its commentaries for help in developing my abilities to create healthy relationships during my life. i do not believe there are pat answers in these texts, but rather they encourage me to engage in the process of finding meaning, and thus help me take the first step of being active in my own development. o dear - am i making any sense?
for some reason, it always takes more energy to be pleasant rather than mean.
whether it is torah or other sacred scriptures, or philosophies, or disciplines; i believe that we need some kind of structure or path or whatever you wish to call it.
we need to develop the strength to not be mean.
or rude.
unless you like the world the way it is right now?
it begins in an amusing way:
"Young people have always been rude, far ruder than anybody else. It goes back at least as far as Jane Austen. Remember how, in Emma, Frank Churchill left all the doors open, exposing poor fragile Mr Woodhouse to a draught? Even the Queen, aged 19, knocked off a policeman's helmet on VE Day, so she once told the writer Hammond Innes."
ever since i moved to the usa, there have been many times when i felt people were being rude. i usually put it down to cultural differences. i am not talking about those awful moments when i realise i am thinking just like a granny i am thinking in my day one knocked before entering a room and stood up to greet people and offered one's seat on public transport and let older people through first and cetera. i mean i was taught to do that, although i do not remember any kind of lessons - it was just understood that there were certain ways to behave and one should always be polite.
the thing that makes me angriest with regard to rudeness is probably call waiting. i am talking to someone. someone else wants to talk to me. they beep my conversation. the idea is (although i usually ignore call waiting unless it is a critical situation at work like an impending death and then i explain that to the person with whom i am actually speaking) that i now have to choose which person gets priority. even considering leaving the present conversation is rude. weighing up the relative merits of the 2 people is rude. rude rude rude!
o dear, i appear to be slipping into a rant. hopefully back to the point - what does the english newspaper article have to say?
"Many middle-class parents appear to believe that ''manners'' are some kind of appalling spiritual restriction on their darling child's individuality. How dreadful that little Ben or Zoe should have to take a polite interest in Aunt Marge's adored collection of house plants. In many households a separatist regime is operated where the children either eat in another room or appear at the table only intermittently during meals. They don't talk to adults, they don't ask or answer questions, they have no small-talk, they don't learn anything; they are stuck in the narrow perimeters of their own interests and experience."
ah yes, blame the parents!
at this point, the religionist in me does start to wonder ... gosh this is hard to figure out how to say ... i am thinking about how a sense of one's place in the universe affects the way one lives ones life. i may not be able to get my head around how infinitely minuscule i am in the larger picture. i do, however, need to know that i am not the centre of the universe. and i also need to understand the effect my behaviour has on the here and now.
so where am i with this at the moment?
however bourgeois i am, i still find it hard to abandon the motto "from each according to their ability, to each according to their need". for me this is the ideal. how on earth to get there is a whole other problem. that is what comes to my mind at first. next, i hear the great rabbi hillel saying, " what is hateful to you, do not do to others", and he continues, "that is the whole torah - the rest is commentary. now go and study it!"
you don't have to love everyone. how can you love EVERYONE? but you do have to treat them with respect.
as a jew, i may look to the writings of my bible and its commentaries for help in developing my abilities to create healthy relationships during my life. i do not believe there are pat answers in these texts, but rather they encourage me to engage in the process of finding meaning, and thus help me take the first step of being active in my own development. o dear - am i making any sense?
for some reason, it always takes more energy to be pleasant rather than mean.
whether it is torah or other sacred scriptures, or philosophies, or disciplines; i believe that we need some kind of structure or path or whatever you wish to call it.
we need to develop the strength to not be mean.
or rude.
unless you like the world the way it is right now?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
dam piglet
just realised that there have been no piglet pix posted since january. a schande! this one was an accident, as i had no idea that i was going to go over the hoover dam until i got there, and crossed into another state and another time zone. this is the view looking back, as we sat in a very long and slow line of traffic. plus ca change.
welcome to teaneck
saw this on treppenwitz today and wanted to blog it so here it is. is it real?!
btw - 'parnassa' = hebrew for making a living
btw - 'parnassa' = hebrew for making a living
and you shall love
in the book of deuteronomy, chapter 6, verse 5, the torah says:
"v'ahavta et adonai elohecha
and you shall love adonai your god"
in our liturgy, these words follow the shema, and continue with a description of practical ways to work on one's relationship with adonai. i have been thinking about this verse quite a lot recently, especially the first word.
when i work with bar & batmitzvah students, it is important to me that we discuss the meaning of the prayers as well as perfect the reading of them. of course they don't have to agree with or believe in anything i or the prayerbook say. i do, however, insist that we talk about the whys and why nots. a parrot could read the prayers. i do not want my students to be parrots.
nu - i ask my student: "what does it mean - and you shall love?" they usually answer very properly: "you're supposed to love god." or something like that. "so *do* you love god?" "well, er, yeah, i dunno, i suppose, whatever ..." etc.
here's the thing ... when i think about love in my life - the people i love and who love me - it doesn't just happen overnight. when i was born, all i knew was waaaah hungry waaaaah wet waaaaah poohy waaaaah tired. i had to learn about trust and caring and kindness; and whence they came. as i got older i had to learn how to be trustworthy and kind myself. in any relationship we may have an initial attraction/connection, but what makes it healthy and lasting is working on it and developing it. why should it be any different with god or the divine or whatever your name is for the energy that i choose to refer to as god?
so i talk with the kids about their parents and how their relationship has developed over the last few years. and then i ask - why should it be any different with god? i say that in my experience many people assume that "v'ahavta - you shall love" is a command ordering you to do this. but love can't be commanded. respect may be commanded, but not love. so what might this word mean?
when you look at the hebrew (apologies to my dikdook klassi teacher yossi that i no longer remember the correct grammatical phrases) the verb 'to love' is the second person singular past tense, but the vav in front of it turns it into a future tense. what's the big deal? you *shall* love, i.e, in the future, i.e., as the relationship develops. it is the beginning of a process, and the rest of the passage lists a number of practical actions one may do to that end.
when the students realise that, rather than being a demand to do something that currently makes no sense to them, this is actually a suggestion that may guide them to find some meaning in their religious tradition, they think it's pretty cool. i do too.
"v'ahavta et adonai elohecha
and you shall love adonai your god"
in our liturgy, these words follow the shema, and continue with a description of practical ways to work on one's relationship with adonai. i have been thinking about this verse quite a lot recently, especially the first word.
when i work with bar & batmitzvah students, it is important to me that we discuss the meaning of the prayers as well as perfect the reading of them. of course they don't have to agree with or believe in anything i or the prayerbook say. i do, however, insist that we talk about the whys and why nots. a parrot could read the prayers. i do not want my students to be parrots.
nu - i ask my student: "what does it mean - and you shall love?" they usually answer very properly: "you're supposed to love god." or something like that. "so *do* you love god?" "well, er, yeah, i dunno, i suppose, whatever ..." etc.
here's the thing ... when i think about love in my life - the people i love and who love me - it doesn't just happen overnight. when i was born, all i knew was waaaah hungry waaaaah wet waaaaah poohy waaaaah tired. i had to learn about trust and caring and kindness; and whence they came. as i got older i had to learn how to be trustworthy and kind myself. in any relationship we may have an initial attraction/connection, but what makes it healthy and lasting is working on it and developing it. why should it be any different with god or the divine or whatever your name is for the energy that i choose to refer to as god?
so i talk with the kids about their parents and how their relationship has developed over the last few years. and then i ask - why should it be any different with god? i say that in my experience many people assume that "v'ahavta - you shall love" is a command ordering you to do this. but love can't be commanded. respect may be commanded, but not love. so what might this word mean?
when you look at the hebrew (apologies to my dikdook klassi teacher yossi that i no longer remember the correct grammatical phrases) the verb 'to love' is the second person singular past tense, but the vav in front of it turns it into a future tense. what's the big deal? you *shall* love, i.e, in the future, i.e., as the relationship develops. it is the beginning of a process, and the rest of the passage lists a number of practical actions one may do to that end.
when the students realise that, rather than being a demand to do something that currently makes no sense to them, this is actually a suggestion that may guide them to find some meaning in their religious tradition, they think it's pretty cool. i do too.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
random memory
this photo was an accident ... was working for syndication international yet paying for my own film so - wanting to save - i would take out a half-finished film if i needed to change films and mark how many frames were used, and then put it back in at another time. messed up this one, and ended up with arlo guthrie with faint joan baez over his heart!
unfortunately, since that time joan baez is no longer anywhere near my own heart. she had a hissy fit that evening. i was so excited to be able to shoot her concert, having grown up with her as an icon set before me. so i went out to the centre aisle for my 2 song allowance. i knelt down so i was not in anyone's line of vision. i had no flash attachment. all of a sudden she stops playing in the middle of a song. she points at me and says, in front of several hundred people, "you! put that f***ing camera away!!" i looked behind me, because i assumed it was someone without permission. she continued to yell at me: "i won't play anymore if you don't get rid of that ******* camera!" then the punters in the seats started yelling at me ... "yeah, put it away! we paid for these seats!" etc. so away i went.
this was at what used to be the hammersmith odeon, and i had given up going to qpr for this gig. luckily, i made the second half, so the evening was not a total waste.
anyway, this is why i am no longer fond of ms. baez.
unfortunately, since that time joan baez is no longer anywhere near my own heart. she had a hissy fit that evening. i was so excited to be able to shoot her concert, having grown up with her as an icon set before me. so i went out to the centre aisle for my 2 song allowance. i knelt down so i was not in anyone's line of vision. i had no flash attachment. all of a sudden she stops playing in the middle of a song. she points at me and says, in front of several hundred people, "you! put that f***ing camera away!!" i looked behind me, because i assumed it was someone without permission. she continued to yell at me: "i won't play anymore if you don't get rid of that ******* camera!" then the punters in the seats started yelling at me ... "yeah, put it away! we paid for these seats!" etc. so away i went.
this was at what used to be the hammersmith odeon, and i had given up going to qpr for this gig. luckily, i made the second half, so the evening was not a total waste.
anyway, this is why i am no longer fond of ms. baez.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
the telephone game
don't i just love it when a fundamentalist xian starts quoting the bible to me in english. if i can get away with it in a gentle way, i will ask the person if s/he speaks hebrew. if so - great! usually, though, it is not so. thus the question becomes - the most original version that exists is in hebrew, which was translated into greek, and the greek into latin, and the latin into english. how can you take all the english words literally? imagine the game of telephone (broken telephone?). in england it is called 'chinese whispers'. sit in a circle and whisper something to your neighbour. each passes the message on to the next neighbour. the final person in the circle repeats the message out loud - it is rarely the same as the original.
a new york daily yesterday had a front page with the photo of the dead zarqawi and a speech bubble coming out of his dead mouth saying 'warm up the virgins". via the dry bones blog, i came across the following: here please read about the rewards the quran says that martyrs will receive. a quote:
"The Koran is beautifully written, but often obscure. One reason is that the Arabic language was born as a written language with the Koran, and there's growing evidence that many of the words were Syriac or Aramaic.
For example, the Koran says martyrs going to heaven will get hur, and the word was taken by early commentators to mean "virgins," hence those 72 consorts. But in Aramaic, hur meant "white" and was commonly used to mean "white grapes."
Some martyrs arriving in paradise may regard a bunch of grapes as a letdown. But the scholar who pioneered this pathbreaking research, using the pseudonym Christoph Luxenberg for security reasons, noted in an e-mail interview that grapes made more sense in context because the Koran compares them to crystal and pearls, and because contemporary accounts have paradise abounding with fruit, especially white grapes."
this leads me to vaguely recall a piece in the satirical publication 'the onion' i think it was about a suicide bomber waking up in heaven surrounded by thomas jefferson and james madison and 70 other virginians.
a new york daily yesterday had a front page with the photo of the dead zarqawi and a speech bubble coming out of his dead mouth saying 'warm up the virgins". via the dry bones blog, i came across the following: here please read about the rewards the quran says that martyrs will receive. a quote:
"The Koran is beautifully written, but often obscure. One reason is that the Arabic language was born as a written language with the Koran, and there's growing evidence that many of the words were Syriac or Aramaic.
For example, the Koran says martyrs going to heaven will get hur, and the word was taken by early commentators to mean "virgins," hence those 72 consorts. But in Aramaic, hur meant "white" and was commonly used to mean "white grapes."
Some martyrs arriving in paradise may regard a bunch of grapes as a letdown. But the scholar who pioneered this pathbreaking research, using the pseudonym Christoph Luxenberg for security reasons, noted in an e-mail interview that grapes made more sense in context because the Koran compares them to crystal and pearls, and because contemporary accounts have paradise abounding with fruit, especially white grapes."
this leads me to vaguely recall a piece in the satirical publication 'the onion' i think it was about a suicide bomber waking up in heaven surrounded by thomas jefferson and james madison and 70 other virginians.
mad at the bbc
was so excited during the england vs hungary commentary on five live to hear they would be broadcasting all of the world cup matches.
today though UK ONLY grumble mutter
have you ever followed a sporting event by reading text online?
the only one that i find bearable is cricket - firstly because the game is slow enough that the writer can describe it well and i can follow it well - secondly because, sometimes at least, the style of the writer makes it entertaining to read. i like the guys on cricinfo.
someone asked me the other day for whom i am rooting. i had not thought about it since it seemed obvious that i want england to do well. but i am an american, and the u.s. are actually ranked higher than england in the world rankings. so, i answered my young congregant with a convoluted babbling that i think said that i'd like the usa to do well also and that brazil is probably the best team and that holland have always been my favourite european team and in the end it is only qpr so since peter crouch used to play for us i have to follow england and the last first team game theo walcott played before making the england team was against qpr and the #3 for jamaica in the warm-up game against england has just signed for qpr and you see how this is going ... ?
half-time. england lead paraguay 1-0. time to get some breakfast.
today though UK ONLY grumble mutter
have you ever followed a sporting event by reading text online?
the only one that i find bearable is cricket - firstly because the game is slow enough that the writer can describe it well and i can follow it well - secondly because, sometimes at least, the style of the writer makes it entertaining to read. i like the guys on cricinfo.
someone asked me the other day for whom i am rooting. i had not thought about it since it seemed obvious that i want england to do well. but i am an american, and the u.s. are actually ranked higher than england in the world rankings. so, i answered my young congregant with a convoluted babbling that i think said that i'd like the usa to do well also and that brazil is probably the best team and that holland have always been my favourite european team and in the end it is only qpr so since peter crouch used to play for us i have to follow england and the last first team game theo walcott played before making the england team was against qpr and the #3 for jamaica in the warm-up game against england has just signed for qpr and you see how this is going ... ?
half-time. england lead paraguay 1-0. time to get some breakfast.
the war on terror
do go read riverbend (click on the baghdad burning link to the right). she does not post that often, but it's a good opp to hear from an ordinary person living in the middle of it all. here is a snippet responding to the recent u.s. "success":
"So now that Zarqawi is dead, and because according to Bush and our Iraqi puppets he was behind so much of Iraq's misery- things should get better, right? The car bombs should lessen, the ethnic cleansing will come to a halt, military strikes and sieges will die down… That's what we were promised, wasn't it? That sounds good to me. Now- who do they have to kill to stop the Ministry of Interior death squads, and trigger-happy foreign troops?"
"So now that Zarqawi is dead, and because according to Bush and our Iraqi puppets he was behind so much of Iraq's misery- things should get better, right? The car bombs should lessen, the ethnic cleansing will come to a halt, military strikes and sieges will die down… That's what we were promised, wasn't it? That sounds good to me. Now- who do they have to kill to stop the Ministry of Interior death squads, and trigger-happy foreign troops?"
Sunday, May 28, 2006
minorities in iran update
do click on the melanie phillips blog or here for an update regarding the story that jews in iran are going to have to wear yellow signs on their clothing. the current perception is that this was an inaccurate report.
nu - what would YOU do?
did you see the story this week about the death of the everest climber?
a british mountaineer named david sharp collapsed along a well-travelled route to the summit. they think that about 40 people walked right past him. a couple stopped to check on him, and said that he was about to die and there was nothing that they could have done. one group gave him some oxygen.
so there you are, climbing the mountain. conditions are very difficult for you, with the lack of oxygen up there, and all the dangers inherent in such an expedition. you see someone by the side of the road. they are clearly in trouble.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
the article i read on yahoo noted the following:
a. sir edmund hillary (who with sherpa tensing was officially to first to make it to the top of this mountain in 1953) said it was "horrifying" that a climber would leave a dying man.
b. lydia bradley, who in 1988 became the first woman to reach the top of this mountain without extra oxygen, said that "if you're going to go to everest ... i think you have to accept responsibility that you may end up doing something that's not very ethically nice ... you have to realise that you're in a different world"
c. apparently, trips up the mountain have become so commercialised, and climbers pay tens of thousands of dollars for their trip of a lifetime, so that the guides are under extreme pressure to get their clients to the top.
finally, a guy from the team that stopped to share some of their oxygen said "the trouble is that at 8500 metres it is extremely difficult to keep yourself alive, let alone keep anyone else alive".
so, nu, what would you do?
my instinct is to say my god of course i would stop. at the same time, i have not been in that position, so it would probably be more accurate for me to say that i hope that i would stop.
next i turn to the texts of my tradition. two stand out immediately:
there is the concept of pikuach nefesh - that saving of life is an obligation that over-rules commandments connected to the sabbath and other festivals. and thus, all the more so when it is an ordinary day!
however, the talmud does state that if it is a choice between one's self and another, it is permissible to choose yourself.
secondly, there is the teaching from the talmud that to save one life is as if you have saved the world, and to destroy one life is as if you have destroyed the world. i believe the wording is almost exactly the same when you read this teaching from the qur'an.
falling asleep ... will continue later ...
a british mountaineer named david sharp collapsed along a well-travelled route to the summit. they think that about 40 people walked right past him. a couple stopped to check on him, and said that he was about to die and there was nothing that they could have done. one group gave him some oxygen.
so there you are, climbing the mountain. conditions are very difficult for you, with the lack of oxygen up there, and all the dangers inherent in such an expedition. you see someone by the side of the road. they are clearly in trouble.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
the article i read on yahoo noted the following:
a. sir edmund hillary (who with sherpa tensing was officially to first to make it to the top of this mountain in 1953) said it was "horrifying" that a climber would leave a dying man.
b. lydia bradley, who in 1988 became the first woman to reach the top of this mountain without extra oxygen, said that "if you're going to go to everest ... i think you have to accept responsibility that you may end up doing something that's not very ethically nice ... you have to realise that you're in a different world"
c. apparently, trips up the mountain have become so commercialised, and climbers pay tens of thousands of dollars for their trip of a lifetime, so that the guides are under extreme pressure to get their clients to the top.
finally, a guy from the team that stopped to share some of their oxygen said "the trouble is that at 8500 metres it is extremely difficult to keep yourself alive, let alone keep anyone else alive".
so, nu, what would you do?
my instinct is to say my god of course i would stop. at the same time, i have not been in that position, so it would probably be more accurate for me to say that i hope that i would stop.
next i turn to the texts of my tradition. two stand out immediately:
there is the concept of pikuach nefesh - that saving of life is an obligation that over-rules commandments connected to the sabbath and other festivals. and thus, all the more so when it is an ordinary day!
however, the talmud does state that if it is a choice between one's self and another, it is permissible to choose yourself.
secondly, there is the teaching from the talmud that to save one life is as if you have saved the world, and to destroy one life is as if you have destroyed the world. i believe the wording is almost exactly the same when you read this teaching from the qur'an.
falling asleep ... will continue later ...
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
a day off
there is so much to consider, so many plates to keep spinning ... some to let go and new ones to start up.
85 years ago or thereabouts my grandmother and her sister got all dressed up and had photos taken. mutti is the one in the cutaway coat. what fun!
need more fun. what do you do for fun?
85 years ago or thereabouts my grandmother and her sister got all dressed up and had photos taken. mutti is the one in the cutaway coat. what fun!
need more fun. what do you do for fun?
Saturday, May 20, 2006
last will & testament
yesterday, my mother e-mailed me a text she had just found, a text from 42 years ago. it was a will my father had written, when we lived in nyc, and i was a few months old. my mother thought it might give me strength to read it. perhaps it will for you as well ...
"In the event of my death, I name my wife to be sole heir to my estate. I know that I can rely on her judgement in regard to my family. She, and all my family, will also know that my prayers and my love abide with them. If the inheritance is small in worldly goods. I yet hope that the testimony of my life affirms the greatness of human existence created in the image of God. I have found each day rewarding, and have not met anyone in whom I could not discern the touch of God. This affirmation of the goodness of man and God is part of the heritage I leave my loved ones."
"In the event of my death, I name my wife to be sole heir to my estate. I know that I can rely on her judgement in regard to my family. She, and all my family, will also know that my prayers and my love abide with them. If the inheritance is small in worldly goods. I yet hope that the testimony of my life affirms the greatness of human existence created in the image of God. I have found each day rewarding, and have not met anyone in whom I could not discern the touch of God. This affirmation of the goodness of man and God is part of the heritage I leave my loved ones."
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
impossible question
a friend taking a melton class told me they just did the unit on why do people suffer. since it was a judaism class, it centred mostly on the torah interpretation, i.e., punishment for non-compliance with commandments, human minds not able to encompass the bigger picture.
knee-jerk response ... i think it splits into 2 areas - the suffering humans cause directly and indirectly, e.g., lack of care and concern for each other in our daily relationships, plus a similar lack for the consequences of our actions. and then there is that suffering that we cannot explain, e.g., natural disasters, and incurable diseases.
i see religion as a system developed and organised by humans to help engender ethical behaviour and to give explanations and meanings to our lives. i believe that it needs a contemporary context - to connect with the teachings in our scripture (for me - using the torah as my example) it helps to make them relevant to the current community. my liberal jewish way of doing this is to try and extract the essence of the text, and apply it to today.
NEVERTHELESS this is all human beings working with their human minds and hearts in their human experience. i hope i do the best i can. i also believe and feel that i must accept there are things beyond my ken that make no sense to me and do not feel fair.
so what do i do with that?
i can blame god. i can say that a god who lets these things happen is not a very good god. i can damn religion and refuse to take part in it.
i can be angry. i can be angry with god. and the world. and myself. and people. i can be sad. i can be miserable. i can be depressed. i can be cynical.
interestingly enough, however, all these things are all about me. ME. that does not mean that i am not stricken on behalf of someone i love who is going through chemo, or sick at the news from darfur. i am not a bad person.
the thing is - maybe i need to switch the focus. instead of feeling powerless - is there something i may do to make a difference?
the first choice is to try and fix the situation at hand. that may not be possible. i cannot cure my friend's cancer. i cannot stop wars and corruption on the other side of the world.
what then can i do? NUMBER ONE IS TO HAVE HOPE. it ain't over 'til it's over
number two is to do something. there is no quick fix for the ills of the world. it took a long time for us to mess it up like this, and it will take a long time to make it better. perhaps, if we were not so attached to the need to see the results of our actions, we would find it easier to act. yet we harvest and eat fruit planted by those who never enjoyed that fruit themselves. so why do we balk at following their example?
that's all very well and noble, you may say, but what about my sick friend? what about the evil and corruption in the world far and near?
my answer is that we do the best we can. we love and comfort and care for our dear ones. we live the values to which we aspire. we work to improve the world by speaking up for those values, by being active within the forces for change.
if you believe in a god or divine presence, then perhaps you may draw some of the strength you need from this faith. if you do not, then it is up to you. the point is, the power is in our own hands to do something. it is a cop-out to blame anything or anyone else. if you don't like it - do something about it! it may take baby steps at first, but if you don't start, you'll not get anywhere.
ps yanks 9 runs down tonight after one and a half innings and the radio guy saying this is embarrassing. guess what - they just won in the bottom of the 9th with 2 out. they didn't give up :-)
knee-jerk response ... i think it splits into 2 areas - the suffering humans cause directly and indirectly, e.g., lack of care and concern for each other in our daily relationships, plus a similar lack for the consequences of our actions. and then there is that suffering that we cannot explain, e.g., natural disasters, and incurable diseases.
i see religion as a system developed and organised by humans to help engender ethical behaviour and to give explanations and meanings to our lives. i believe that it needs a contemporary context - to connect with the teachings in our scripture (for me - using the torah as my example) it helps to make them relevant to the current community. my liberal jewish way of doing this is to try and extract the essence of the text, and apply it to today.
NEVERTHELESS this is all human beings working with their human minds and hearts in their human experience. i hope i do the best i can. i also believe and feel that i must accept there are things beyond my ken that make no sense to me and do not feel fair.
so what do i do with that?
i can blame god. i can say that a god who lets these things happen is not a very good god. i can damn religion and refuse to take part in it.
i can be angry. i can be angry with god. and the world. and myself. and people. i can be sad. i can be miserable. i can be depressed. i can be cynical.
interestingly enough, however, all these things are all about me. ME. that does not mean that i am not stricken on behalf of someone i love who is going through chemo, or sick at the news from darfur. i am not a bad person.
the thing is - maybe i need to switch the focus. instead of feeling powerless - is there something i may do to make a difference?
the first choice is to try and fix the situation at hand. that may not be possible. i cannot cure my friend's cancer. i cannot stop wars and corruption on the other side of the world.
what then can i do? NUMBER ONE IS TO HAVE HOPE. it ain't over 'til it's over
number two is to do something. there is no quick fix for the ills of the world. it took a long time for us to mess it up like this, and it will take a long time to make it better. perhaps, if we were not so attached to the need to see the results of our actions, we would find it easier to act. yet we harvest and eat fruit planted by those who never enjoyed that fruit themselves. so why do we balk at following their example?
that's all very well and noble, you may say, but what about my sick friend? what about the evil and corruption in the world far and near?
my answer is that we do the best we can. we love and comfort and care for our dear ones. we live the values to which we aspire. we work to improve the world by speaking up for those values, by being active within the forces for change.
if you believe in a god or divine presence, then perhaps you may draw some of the strength you need from this faith. if you do not, then it is up to you. the point is, the power is in our own hands to do something. it is a cop-out to blame anything or anyone else. if you don't like it - do something about it! it may take baby steps at first, but if you don't start, you'll not get anywhere.
ps yanks 9 runs down tonight after one and a half innings and the radio guy saying this is embarrassing. guess what - they just won in the bottom of the 9th with 2 out. they didn't give up :-)
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
home sick
small person across the table from me during barmitzvah lesson coughing and spluttering. later i ask his mother how he is and she tells me he's missed 2 days of school. 2 days later i start coughing and spluttering. i cancel my barmitzvah lessons because the parents don't want me coughing and spluttering across the table the week before the barmitzvah.
i'm at the part of being sick when i am no longer yoyoing between sleep and mildly dazed, but not yet strong enough to shower or screw the last difficult screws into the last ikea chair.
here is another lovely picture of albert. the painting is by r. b. kitaj. this photo is taken at the gallery where a number of kitajs were being exhibited. the painting was sold for 80,000 dollars or pounds (sorry, i have a sudafed memory today) and my father went over to the desk to ask who bought it. they would not tell him, and asked why he wanted to know. he said to them that if this person was willing to pay that much for a painting of him, he'd be happy to go over and stand in their house himself!
time for another boots sugar-free blackcurrant cough pastille ...
i'm at the part of being sick when i am no longer yoyoing between sleep and mildly dazed, but not yet strong enough to shower or screw the last difficult screws into the last ikea chair.
here is another lovely picture of albert. the painting is by r. b. kitaj. this photo is taken at the gallery where a number of kitajs were being exhibited. the painting was sold for 80,000 dollars or pounds (sorry, i have a sudafed memory today) and my father went over to the desk to ask who bought it. they would not tell him, and asked why he wanted to know. he said to them that if this person was willing to pay that much for a painting of him, he'd be happy to go over and stand in their house himself!
time for another boots sugar-free blackcurrant cough pastille ...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
more thoughts of ahf
another picture i love. i remember when my father returned from this conference, i asked him how he and the dalai lama addressed each other. i suggested that "dal" & "al" would be cute. ahf smiled gently and said that they never did use names, they just spoke together.
marcus aurelius
don't ask me why, but last time i was inside la guardia airport i decided that i would buy a paperback copy of the meditations of marcus aurelius. this is the quote that stands out so far:
"begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness - all of them due to the offenders' ignorance of what is good or evil. But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil and its meanness, and also the nature of the culprit himself, who is my brother (not in the physical sense, but as a fellow-creature similarly endowed with reason and a share of the divine); therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading. Neither can I be angry with my brother or fall foul of him; for he and I were born to work together, like a man's two hands, feet, or eyelids, or like the upper and lower rows of his teeth. To obstruct each other is against Nature's law - and what is irritation or aversion but a form of obstruction?"
from book two in the new penguin books great ideas series
"begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness - all of them due to the offenders' ignorance of what is good or evil. But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil and its meanness, and also the nature of the culprit himself, who is my brother (not in the physical sense, but as a fellow-creature similarly endowed with reason and a share of the divine); therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading. Neither can I be angry with my brother or fall foul of him; for he and I were born to work together, like a man's two hands, feet, or eyelids, or like the upper and lower rows of his teeth. To obstruct each other is against Nature's law - and what is irritation or aversion but a form of obstruction?"
from book two in the new penguin books great ideas series
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
keeping the plates spinning
when i was little, i used to watch a tv show called 'blue peter'. it had everything on it from collecting milk bottle tops in order to get a guide dog for the blind, to visiting ceylon with hrh princess anne on behalf of save the children fund. it showed you how to make a gift out of egg-cartons, paint and some tissue paper; and lit an advent crown each week before xmas. nice and english all that. i mention it because i remember seeing them present the world record attempt for the greatest number of plates that could be kept spinning simultaneously on a stick. the guy had to keep running around and touching up the ones that were slowing down, otherwise they would fall off and smash.
nu - in which order do you decide which plates to attend to?
work, and different issues within it?
personal health & fitness?
relationships near and far?
this week it has become clear to me (for this week at least) that the most important thing upon which i should concentrate is how to let nasty behaviour to me by others affect me like water off a duck's back (thank you labensons).
the problem is that, while my brain knows this, the reality gap between it and my feelings is wide.
w i d e
end of musing - have to get back to work
nu - in which order do you decide which plates to attend to?
work, and different issues within it?
personal health & fitness?
relationships near and far?
this week it has become clear to me (for this week at least) that the most important thing upon which i should concentrate is how to let nasty behaviour to me by others affect me like water off a duck's back (thank you labensons).
the problem is that, while my brain knows this, the reality gap between it and my feelings is wide.
w i d e
end of musing - have to get back to work
Sunday, May 07, 2006
a walk in the park
sorry lis, no pix of piglet in the e.r., but a moment of happiness upon which to float off to bed.
ahf & siblings in weimar berlin. life is good. and you know that when he reaches you, you will swing him up into the air, and there will be laughing and hugs.
i really do have to stop this now and go to bed!
ahf & siblings in weimar berlin. life is good. and you know that when he reaches you, you will swing him up into the air, and there will be laughing and hugs.
i really do have to stop this now and go to bed!
happiness is a warm puppy?
just got back from the temple dinner dance. all mothers who have been to countless bnei mitzvah parties are experts at the electric slide. rabbis don't usually get invited to those parts of the celebration so i am not much good at that dance. in my day, as we fogeys say, you either did this skip and kick thing like clare out of altered images who was in gregory's girl, or you pogoed. i can pogo. just not in heels. and not in a dress. and not at the temple dinner dance. and not to "tears of a clown".
so i am reading through tomorrow's english papers (i do like the idea that i am reading the news before it is the news, plus i get to do the polygon puzzle before my mother!), and find this article about happiness. the writer - frank furedi - does seem to have a political perspective, especially since he suggests that as a current "buzz word" of the time, the government is pushing the vague idea of happiness as a way of covering up its lack of ideas. he does not hold back:
"Back in the 1940s and '50s, the big idea was the Welfare State. Today it is the Happy State. Stalin, who called himself the "constructor of happiness" would approve. So would the Controller in Huxley's Brave New World, who believed that making people happy was the precondition for stable government"
stalin and orwell in consecutive comments?! although he doesn't seem to think the tories can do any better. so, ok, he is slamming the politicians. but there are a couple of paragraphs that got me thinking ...
"People have always pursued happiness. Policy makers have always hoped their initiatives would make people happy. But happiness was not seen as an end in itself. Teachers hoped that their students would be happy with their experience but did not set out to teach their pupils how to be happy. Those charged with moral education were devoted to explaining the difference between good and bad but not to instructing children how to feel."
happiness was not an end in itself. that's the thing. i have to think about that a lot, and now am just writing as it comes to mind ... there are ideas like the messianic age and nirvana and heaven ... the ultimate reward is absolute peace and wholeness ... but not absolute in this life. a difference between slavery and freedom is that a slave is told to do or do not; while a free person is told this is what is going on, and then left to decide what to do.
maybe furedi is just poking us with a stick. he says that:
"Today's turn towards the management of people's internal life is motivated by moral disorientation and political exhaustion. Unimaginative politicians who are unable to decide what needs to be done - or implement the appropriate policies - feel more comfortable with instructing the public how it should feel."
and that
"Discontent and ambition have driven humanity to confront and overcome the challenges they faced. That is why people like the Controller in Brave New World want us live on a diet of "feelies" and "scent organs". That is also why we should be suspicious of experts who seek to colonise our internal life"
the british senses of freedom and justice are bound to feel piqued by analogies with totalitarian states real and imagined.
i, however, want to hear more about this "moral disorientation" to which he refers. and who does he believe should be charged with moral education today?
i also need to think about how i would define happiness. i just punched the word into google and got 106,000,000 results. some of the titles on the first page:
finding happiness and self-actualisation
you are amazing - don't let anyone or anything take that away from you! @ committoyourself.com
70 day life makeover
a guide to having it all
be happy - create your ideal life
20 minute breakthrough - uncover miracle that melts mental roadblocks and live your dreams now
authentic happiness - using the new positive psychology
the rational basis of happiness
the happiness project
and from the definition given at answers.com:
2. An agreeable feeling or condition of the soul arising from good fortune or propitious happening of any kind; the possession of those circumstances or that state of being which is attended with enjoyment; the state of being happy; contentment; joyful satisfaction; felicity; blessedness.
o dear, i am getting tired just as i am getting interested.
this kind of happiness seems to centre on the self, and have little connection to anyone or anything else except in how they affect this happiness.
is it healthy to have this feeling all the time?
is it an escape from the unpleasant things in the world?
today i was listening to the cd of the tertiary phase of hitch-hiker's guide to the galaxy. near the end, ford prefect tries to explain to arthur that the reason nobody can see slartibartfast's spaceship parked behind the sight-screen at lords cricket ground is due to a phenomenon called a "somebody else's problem". it works through the fact that people don't want to see things that force them out of the status quo, and so they actually do not see them. much easier than making a spaceship invisible.
anyway, thoughts of drugs and drink and nicotine and sugar and carbs all being used to numb ourselves to the painful things in life ... the good things are an antidote, i.e., to relieve or counteract; a remedy against - but they do not obliterate all traces.
a warm puppy would be lovely right now, though :-)
good night.
so i am reading through tomorrow's english papers (i do like the idea that i am reading the news before it is the news, plus i get to do the polygon puzzle before my mother!), and find this article about happiness. the writer - frank furedi - does seem to have a political perspective, especially since he suggests that as a current "buzz word" of the time, the government is pushing the vague idea of happiness as a way of covering up its lack of ideas. he does not hold back:
"Back in the 1940s and '50s, the big idea was the Welfare State. Today it is the Happy State. Stalin, who called himself the "constructor of happiness" would approve. So would the Controller in Huxley's Brave New World, who believed that making people happy was the precondition for stable government"
stalin and orwell in consecutive comments?! although he doesn't seem to think the tories can do any better. so, ok, he is slamming the politicians. but there are a couple of paragraphs that got me thinking ...
"People have always pursued happiness. Policy makers have always hoped their initiatives would make people happy. But happiness was not seen as an end in itself. Teachers hoped that their students would be happy with their experience but did not set out to teach their pupils how to be happy. Those charged with moral education were devoted to explaining the difference between good and bad but not to instructing children how to feel."
happiness was not an end in itself. that's the thing. i have to think about that a lot, and now am just writing as it comes to mind ... there are ideas like the messianic age and nirvana and heaven ... the ultimate reward is absolute peace and wholeness ... but not absolute in this life. a difference between slavery and freedom is that a slave is told to do or do not; while a free person is told this is what is going on, and then left to decide what to do.
maybe furedi is just poking us with a stick. he says that:
"Today's turn towards the management of people's internal life is motivated by moral disorientation and political exhaustion. Unimaginative politicians who are unable to decide what needs to be done - or implement the appropriate policies - feel more comfortable with instructing the public how it should feel."
and that
"Discontent and ambition have driven humanity to confront and overcome the challenges they faced. That is why people like the Controller in Brave New World want us live on a diet of "feelies" and "scent organs". That is also why we should be suspicious of experts who seek to colonise our internal life"
the british senses of freedom and justice are bound to feel piqued by analogies with totalitarian states real and imagined.
i, however, want to hear more about this "moral disorientation" to which he refers. and who does he believe should be charged with moral education today?
i also need to think about how i would define happiness. i just punched the word into google and got 106,000,000 results. some of the titles on the first page:
finding happiness and self-actualisation
you are amazing - don't let anyone or anything take that away from you! @ committoyourself.com
70 day life makeover
a guide to having it all
be happy - create your ideal life
20 minute breakthrough - uncover miracle that melts mental roadblocks and live your dreams now
authentic happiness - using the new positive psychology
the rational basis of happiness
the happiness project
and from the definition given at answers.com:
2. An agreeable feeling or condition of the soul arising from good fortune or propitious happening of any kind; the possession of those circumstances or that state of being which is attended with enjoyment; the state of being happy; contentment; joyful satisfaction; felicity; blessedness.
o dear, i am getting tired just as i am getting interested.
this kind of happiness seems to centre on the self, and have little connection to anyone or anything else except in how they affect this happiness.
is it healthy to have this feeling all the time?
is it an escape from the unpleasant things in the world?
today i was listening to the cd of the tertiary phase of hitch-hiker's guide to the galaxy. near the end, ford prefect tries to explain to arthur that the reason nobody can see slartibartfast's spaceship parked behind the sight-screen at lords cricket ground is due to a phenomenon called a "somebody else's problem". it works through the fact that people don't want to see things that force them out of the status quo, and so they actually do not see them. much easier than making a spaceship invisible.
anyway, thoughts of drugs and drink and nicotine and sugar and carbs all being used to numb ourselves to the painful things in life ... the good things are an antidote, i.e., to relieve or counteract; a remedy against - but they do not obliterate all traces.
a warm puppy would be lovely right now, though :-)
good night.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
bunny ears in petosky
the 10th of may would have been ahf's 79th birthday. i tried to send this picture to a number of friends, and many of them could not see it on their computers so i decided to put it up here.
this is my father and his mother. a person always with a book, and always with a sense of humour.
this is my father and his mother. a person always with a book, and always with a sense of humour.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
les miserables
don't think it is an apocryphal story ... heard it from my father z"l. years ago, after the lockerbie bombing (my father had a proselyte who died on that flight), americans stopped travelling to europe. tourism went waaaaay down. some time later, a group of american rabbis considered a trip to london. the organisers wanted to make an extremely attractive package, and asked what elements were necessary. word came to them that theatre tickets for the hottest show in town - a show called "lemmy's rabbi" - could do the trick. sadly, the organisers could find no such show on shaftesbury avenue ...
it's been an interesting week, in the chinese curse sense of the word. all the stress finally got to me, and instead of grouping in my back and immobilising me that way, it decided to try a new tactic, and raised my blood sugar until i got dehydrated and fainted! thus i spent the night on a gurney in a corridor at the e.r. no beds available. still, i got to meet eddie from dublin, and a perky young woman who announced that she was my p.c.a. (whatever that may be); and we (there were about 6 of us by the end of the night) got to hear the nurses trying to get info out of the juiced-up guys (what did you take? was it drink or drugs? did you take drugs? don't take your pants off!).
lesson to learn? how to deal better with stress. any suggestions?
p.s. qpr's season over, and ended badly with no wins in last eleven matches. now for the world cup, and already england have lost their best striker and the next best may not be fit by then. i think it will be another win for brazil. i never make predictions. i do feel, however, that they play the most beautiful football.
it's been an interesting week, in the chinese curse sense of the word. all the stress finally got to me, and instead of grouping in my back and immobilising me that way, it decided to try a new tactic, and raised my blood sugar until i got dehydrated and fainted! thus i spent the night on a gurney in a corridor at the e.r. no beds available. still, i got to meet eddie from dublin, and a perky young woman who announced that she was my p.c.a. (whatever that may be); and we (there were about 6 of us by the end of the night) got to hear the nurses trying to get info out of the juiced-up guys (what did you take? was it drink or drugs? did you take drugs? don't take your pants off!).
lesson to learn? how to deal better with stress. any suggestions?
p.s. qpr's season over, and ended badly with no wins in last eleven matches. now for the world cup, and already england have lost their best striker and the next best may not be fit by then. i think it will be another win for brazil. i never make predictions. i do feel, however, that they play the most beautiful football.
Friday, April 21, 2006
past and present celebrations
er, just found out that the post-prandial pesach puking is actually an official holiday of sorts called Maimouna. tried to type link but my html is a bit poorly and the link is so long it wouldn't fit. what can i tell you about it? hang on a sec - let me do a bit of cut-and-paste ...
"Maimouna: A Post-Passover Celebration
An exuberant Sephardic custom whose origins are the subject of debate
By Lesli Koppelman Ross
(on mylearning.com)
The Moroccan Jews are known for Maimouna, the exuberant festival held on the evening and day after Pesach, and whose origins are unclear. According to one explanation, it is the yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) of Maimon ben Joseph, the father of the great Jewish philosopher Maimonides (Rabbi Moses ben Maimon, also known by his acronym Rambam), a scholar in his own right who lived in Fez (Morocco) and wrote on Jewish-Islamic relations. He died around 1170.
Others say Maimouna is derived from the Arabic word for wealth and good fortune (literally "protected by God," ma'amoun). Since Pesach is the beginning of the new agricultural year, when the world is judged for produce, it is a time to pray for plentiful crops, symbolic of general prosperity.
Still others connect Maimouna with the word emunah ("belief"), claiming it celebrates belief in Israel's redemption. Along the same lines, there is also support (said to be traced to Maimonides' explanation) for the word being an Arabic adaptation of the phrase Ani ma'amin (I believe), the classic expression of faith in the coming of the messiah (ana for ani, placed after the verb ma'amin, as is common in Arabic, yielding ma'amin ana, which becames maimouna in the local Judeo dialect). It may have been a greeting exchanged to bolster one another's disappointment that Passover had come and gone without the long-anticipated return to Jerusalem.
Dining tables were decorated with flowers, wheat stalks, and sometimes live fish in bowls (this time symbolizing birth and fertility). Golden rings were hidden in a bowl containing flour, suggesting hoped for wealth or blessings. A dairy meal of buttermilk, sweets, and special pancakes called muflita served with honey was accompanied by singing, dancing, and visiting with friends.
The Libyans made a challah-likeround loaf with a hard-boiled egg secured in the center with strips of dough. Single men and women received blessings that they would be married in the year ahead. Women wore their fanciest clothes, girls donned white, and children dressed in costumes like the Berbers (native North Africans) and Arabs who shared their celebration and provided flowers, milk, butter, honey, wheat, and other produce for the Jews."
i'm pretty sure we have sefardi roots ... those german ancestors that went east from spain in the fifteenth century. of course we cannot trace anyone back before 1815 ...
ah well - that was today (or yesterday really). now for tomorrow (or today). the queen has her actual 80th birthday. read some lovely tributes in the telegraph and the times. and - don't tell - i sent her a congratulatory e-mail via her web-site. got sent to a page which told me that she had told her web-site people to thank me on her behalf ;-) . hey - i may have been born in the usa, but my mother was born in england, so at least half of me can wish the queen well!
"Maimouna: A Post-Passover Celebration
An exuberant Sephardic custom whose origins are the subject of debate
By Lesli Koppelman Ross
(on mylearning.com)
The Moroccan Jews are known for Maimouna, the exuberant festival held on the evening and day after Pesach, and whose origins are unclear. According to one explanation, it is the yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) of Maimon ben Joseph, the father of the great Jewish philosopher Maimonides (Rabbi Moses ben Maimon, also known by his acronym Rambam), a scholar in his own right who lived in Fez (Morocco) and wrote on Jewish-Islamic relations. He died around 1170.
Others say Maimouna is derived from the Arabic word for wealth and good fortune (literally "protected by God," ma'amoun). Since Pesach is the beginning of the new agricultural year, when the world is judged for produce, it is a time to pray for plentiful crops, symbolic of general prosperity.
Still others connect Maimouna with the word emunah ("belief"), claiming it celebrates belief in Israel's redemption. Along the same lines, there is also support (said to be traced to Maimonides' explanation) for the word being an Arabic adaptation of the phrase Ani ma'amin (I believe), the classic expression of faith in the coming of the messiah (ana for ani, placed after the verb ma'amin, as is common in Arabic, yielding ma'amin ana, which becames maimouna in the local Judeo dialect). It may have been a greeting exchanged to bolster one another's disappointment that Passover had come and gone without the long-anticipated return to Jerusalem.
Dining tables were decorated with flowers, wheat stalks, and sometimes live fish in bowls (this time symbolizing birth and fertility). Golden rings were hidden in a bowl containing flour, suggesting hoped for wealth or blessings. A dairy meal of buttermilk, sweets, and special pancakes called muflita served with honey was accompanied by singing, dancing, and visiting with friends.
The Libyans made a challah-likeround loaf with a hard-boiled egg secured in the center with strips of dough. Single men and women received blessings that they would be married in the year ahead. Women wore their fanciest clothes, girls donned white, and children dressed in costumes like the Berbers (native North Africans) and Arabs who shared their celebration and provided flowers, milk, butter, honey, wheat, and other produce for the Jews."
i'm pretty sure we have sefardi roots ... those german ancestors that went east from spain in the fifteenth century. of course we cannot trace anyone back before 1815 ...
ah well - that was today (or yesterday really). now for tomorrow (or today). the queen has her actual 80th birthday. read some lovely tributes in the telegraph and the times. and - don't tell - i sent her a congratulatory e-mail via her web-site. got sent to a page which told me that she had told her web-site people to thank me on her behalf ;-) . hey - i may have been born in the usa, but my mother was born in england, so at least half of me can wish the queen well!
no woman is an island!
for the first time i am part of (terribly briefly, but nevertheless part of) a dialogue on someone's blog. Sandra Scoppettone's Writing Thoughts: Writing Again i find writing so difficult. to find the words that fit is a painful process. to make the commitment of writing things down, and then let other people see them and judge them, is scary.
one of the reasons i enjoy blogging is that it is stream-of-consciousness thinking and feeling sent out into the abyss. according to the site meter, almost 300 people have passed through the page. there were maybe a couple of comments that were not spam, and even the spam was lean.
yesterday my mother said (yes, she is still here, but returning to england tomorrow :-( ) that she thought blogging was extremely self-indulgent. i jumped to its defence, noting the information i get from political blogs, and the connections i may make with other bloggers, and the democracy of cyberspace, and cetera. i also note the delete button for sad needy desperate people who spew forth their guts. judge not, etc.
anyway
greetings and felicitations to all, especially those who feel sick tonight because they overdosed on pizza and pasta and all things not matza at the final official end of passover. confidential to my greek orthodox friends - i hope the meat will be delicious on sunday after 40 days of herbivorousness, and also that you don't get sick from too much flesh too soon. happy easter!
one of the reasons i enjoy blogging is that it is stream-of-consciousness thinking and feeling sent out into the abyss. according to the site meter, almost 300 people have passed through the page. there were maybe a couple of comments that were not spam, and even the spam was lean.
yesterday my mother said (yes, she is still here, but returning to england tomorrow :-( ) that she thought blogging was extremely self-indulgent. i jumped to its defence, noting the information i get from political blogs, and the connections i may make with other bloggers, and the democracy of cyberspace, and cetera. i also note the delete button for sad needy desperate people who spew forth their guts. judge not, etc.
anyway
greetings and felicitations to all, especially those who feel sick tonight because they overdosed on pizza and pasta and all things not matza at the final official end of passover. confidential to my greek orthodox friends - i hope the meat will be delicious on sunday after 40 days of herbivorousness, and also that you don't get sick from too much flesh too soon. happy easter!
Monday, April 17, 2006
fibonacci fever?
just read an article in the ny times about these little fibonacci poems. said the mathematical sequence is well-known by middle schoolers and bela bartok. sadly, i never went to middle school.
this is the trendy site to see:
http://gottabook.blogspot.com/
the times describes the fibonacci sequence as follows:
"The number of syllables in each line must equal the sum of the syllables in the two previous lines. So, start with 0 and 1, add them together to get your next number, which is also 1, 2 comes next, then add 2 and 1 to get 3, and so on."
ps qpr didn't lose this weekend :-)
this is the trendy site to see:
http://gottabook.blogspot.com/
the times describes the fibonacci sequence as follows:
"The number of syllables in each line must equal the sum of the syllables in the two previous lines. So, start with 0 and 1, add them together to get your next number, which is also 1, 2 comes next, then add 2 and 1 to get 3, and so on."
ps qpr didn't lose this weekend :-)
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
mango mangle
tonight, for the very first time, all by myself, without parent or restaurant or supermarket help, i peeled and ate a mango.
what a mess!
juice dripping down my chin, and mango hair sticking in my teeth like badly-shucked corn as i tried to get the last edible bits off the stone ... i was most disappointed that my family did not have a culinary heritage that had within it a strong mango-peeling instinct. the mango was, however, delicious!
meanwhile, although the above was supposed to be the full sum of my current procrastination, i cannot go back to work just yet. this is my first pesach that i have hosted, and now i am beginning to understand. i am hard-boiling eggs as i type, and soon must return to my broom to sweep before i clean before the tables can be set up. i have my massively rude horseradish root, but still need to find silver dip and wash all the plates ... and wash the mango juice off my face and hands.
to all a zissen pesach and a very happy easter!
what a mess!
juice dripping down my chin, and mango hair sticking in my teeth like badly-shucked corn as i tried to get the last edible bits off the stone ... i was most disappointed that my family did not have a culinary heritage that had within it a strong mango-peeling instinct. the mango was, however, delicious!
meanwhile, although the above was supposed to be the full sum of my current procrastination, i cannot go back to work just yet. this is my first pesach that i have hosted, and now i am beginning to understand. i am hard-boiling eggs as i type, and soon must return to my broom to sweep before i clean before the tables can be set up. i have my massively rude horseradish root, but still need to find silver dip and wash all the plates ... and wash the mango juice off my face and hands.
to all a zissen pesach and a very happy easter!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
waiting for the man to come and fix the door
yes, today is my day off, and i am waiting for the man to come and fix the garage door. i had planned to stay home today to do some vital cleaning in preparation for the visit of several family members for pesach. the problem is - now i am waiting for the man to come, i cannot begin any other projects. what if he rings the bell and i am standing there in my cleaning clothes in the middle of flexing my little broom? i should note that 'cleaning clothes' means something minimal and due for a wash - so i won't mind doing the dirty work. don't worry, though, for in my mind i am figuring out what other projects should be so that the moment the man leaves i can think about which one to do first :-)
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
welcome orlia simcha
for the first time in nearly 33 years our family has a new baby. she was born in berlin on saturday night, and everyone seems to be doing well.
my cousin steve was the one to point out the significance of being born in berlin, the city from which her grandfather z"l escaped just before the start of ww2.
my mother is convinced that one day they will all move to israel, but for now we are back in berlin. and i am an aunt! welcome to the world little baby - i hope i get to meet you someday soon.
my cousin steve was the one to point out the significance of being born in berlin, the city from which her grandfather z"l escaped just before the start of ww2.
my mother is convinced that one day they will all move to israel, but for now we are back in berlin. and i am an aunt! welcome to the world little baby - i hope i get to meet you someday soon.
Friday, March 17, 2006
tai shan debut
this picture is from a couple of months ago. nevertheless i post it now because i feel the need for some peace and serenity, and for some reason i find them when looking at and being with pandas.
breathe in. breathe out. smile.
breathe in. breathe out. smile.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
jonah's pk save
haven't had a pic for ages. i like treppenwitz's 'photo friday' ... maybe i should use the digicam i carry around?!
anyway, something that makes me happy - a superb moment from a queens park rangers player.
paul jones has been making quite a few blinding saves recently for the 'r's. thank you!
anyway, something that makes me happy - a superb moment from a queens park rangers player.
paul jones has been making quite a few blinding saves recently for the 'r's. thank you!
supermarket strategy
north america is full of supermarkets the size of aircraft hangers (although they seem small when compared to a wal-mart). once or twice a month, i am compelled to enter such edifices. this is because when i open the door of my fridge, i see only a couple of jam-jars containing one last cracker-sized smear, some old bottles of salad-dressing, 4 triangles of vache qui rie lite and many cans of the tropicana sugar-free lemonade that causes volcanic eruptions in my guts. o yes, and a kodak waterproof instant camera with the sell-by date of some time in 1996.
i'm not very good at supermarket shopping. i'm not really any good at any kind of shopping. i can, however, with great patience, be trained. i have learned not to enter the aisles that have chocolate in them. i have learned not to enter the supermarket that has maltesers and hob nobs in it. the greatest tool i have been given with regard to success in supermarket shopping is "the list". it is a strange idea - write down what you run out of as you go along, and take the list with you so you can get what you need. sadly, i don't usually do that, which is why last night i unpacked and found i had bought 7 tomatoes, 3 little squirty lemon juice bottles, diet fudgsicles (2 extra for free), party size hummus for garlic lovers, 6 packets of multigrain pita, bananas and a tube of preparation h. o, and a people magazine, strictly for my mother of course :-) . meanwhile, i asked the checkout person why when they ask 'paper or plastic?' and you say 'paper', they put the paper bag in the plastic bag? she said that they have to do it cos the paper bags don't have any handles.
i'm not very good at supermarket shopping. i'm not really any good at any kind of shopping. i can, however, with great patience, be trained. i have learned not to enter the aisles that have chocolate in them. i have learned not to enter the supermarket that has maltesers and hob nobs in it. the greatest tool i have been given with regard to success in supermarket shopping is "the list". it is a strange idea - write down what you run out of as you go along, and take the list with you so you can get what you need. sadly, i don't usually do that, which is why last night i unpacked and found i had bought 7 tomatoes, 3 little squirty lemon juice bottles, diet fudgsicles (2 extra for free), party size hummus for garlic lovers, 6 packets of multigrain pita, bananas and a tube of preparation h. o, and a people magazine, strictly for my mother of course :-) . meanwhile, i asked the checkout person why when they ask 'paper or plastic?' and you say 'paper', they put the paper bag in the plastic bag? she said that they have to do it cos the paper bags don't have any handles.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
bits 'n' bobs
was having so much fun checking out the bobs, i forgot what the bits were ... hang on a sec ... er ... o yes indeed, here are a couple:
was really sad to hear about the death of kirby puckett - just a couple of years older than i am and died of a stroke. he was a hall of fame baseball player, and the kind of player i really admire: he didn't have the most athletic build, but he made the most of what he had. he stayed with one team for his whole career. most of all, he always looked like he loved what he did. especially after the current round of european champions cup footie (you go barca! three cheers for ronaldinho!!!), and seeing all the talented mercenaries who are brilliant at what they do, but seem to lack the connection to the joy they might feel and the privilege of having fans to support them ... well i feel the loss of a sporting hero like kirby particularly deeply.
went back for a week on phase one of the south beach diet. yet again, the first day i returned to phase two i had unbelievably intense indigestion. must remember that however much i love bananas, they are not the best way for me to start phase twos :-( good news is that i think i have now lost over 30 lbs aka 2 stone & a bit
hurrah family is coming for seder ... aaaaargh my first ever seder in my own home and i shall have to cook. wonder if the valentine's day menu can be revisited?! my mother did say she would take care of the matza balls though. as with everyone, MY MOTHER MAKES THE BEST MATZA BALLS EVER! they are so good that when my sister and i became vegetarians, we would not give up these delicacies, even though they were cooked in chicken soup! instead, n. said that the soup was like bathwater - the chicken sat in it for a while, and then got out/was helped out. thus she felt able to eat them. i, on the other hand, said that was rubbish. my great rationalisation was to take the matza balls out of the soup and rinse the bathwater off them under the tap before i could eat them!
now for the bobs ... i put bob into google and here are the random entries of interest i found on the first page:
bob dylan ... say no more
the 'bob the builder' website would not load (can you fix it? :-) )
a very weird cartoon called bob the angry flower
cannot choose between the bob geldof and the bob marley sites to link to so please look them up yourself
finally, bob vila's tips on chain saws
was really sad to hear about the death of kirby puckett - just a couple of years older than i am and died of a stroke. he was a hall of fame baseball player, and the kind of player i really admire: he didn't have the most athletic build, but he made the most of what he had. he stayed with one team for his whole career. most of all, he always looked like he loved what he did. especially after the current round of european champions cup footie (you go barca! three cheers for ronaldinho!!!), and seeing all the talented mercenaries who are brilliant at what they do, but seem to lack the connection to the joy they might feel and the privilege of having fans to support them ... well i feel the loss of a sporting hero like kirby particularly deeply.
went back for a week on phase one of the south beach diet. yet again, the first day i returned to phase two i had unbelievably intense indigestion. must remember that however much i love bananas, they are not the best way for me to start phase twos :-( good news is that i think i have now lost over 30 lbs aka 2 stone & a bit
hurrah family is coming for seder ... aaaaargh my first ever seder in my own home and i shall have to cook. wonder if the valentine's day menu can be revisited?! my mother did say she would take care of the matza balls though. as with everyone, MY MOTHER MAKES THE BEST MATZA BALLS EVER! they are so good that when my sister and i became vegetarians, we would not give up these delicacies, even though they were cooked in chicken soup! instead, n. said that the soup was like bathwater - the chicken sat in it for a while, and then got out/was helped out. thus she felt able to eat them. i, on the other hand, said that was rubbish. my great rationalisation was to take the matza balls out of the soup and rinse the bathwater off them under the tap before i could eat them!
now for the bobs ... i put bob into google and here are the random entries of interest i found on the first page:
bob dylan ... say no more
the 'bob the builder' website would not load (can you fix it? :-) )
a very weird cartoon called bob the angry flower
cannot choose between the bob geldof and the bob marley sites to link to so please look them up yourself
finally, bob vila's tips on chain saws
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
emerson lishma
luckily for my job, the voiceless part of the stinking cold i have was during my day off. tomorrow, i can make use of the ample supply of tissues in my office as the catarrh comes to the fore. meanwhile, in between feeling a bit sorry for myself, mainly because my throat was too sore to enjoy singing marlene dietrich songs deeply and badly, i decided to read a book.
d. has noted that since we met, i have read an awful lot of childrens' books. ok i did reread all the harry potters again but that was because the paperbacks were next to her bed. and i discovered the 'lionboy' books, and 'inkheart'; and reread the philip pullman trilogy. today, however, for some strange reason, probably all the advil, i picked up a collection of emerson's essays and decided to read 'self reliance'. apparently i read some of this at university, but have no recollection of that whatsoever. o well. i couldn't sleep and this is what i read.
"to believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, - that is genius."
&
"trust thyself ... accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events."
at this point, i had to remind myself what transcendentalism was.
ok - so emerson was living in an era and an area where the forging of a truly american literary and philosophical identity was a contemporary cause. o dear i'm starting to sound a bit victorian. i guess what i am trying to say is that i can identify with his call to rebel against the status quo:
"society is a jointstock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. the virtue in most request is conformity. self-reliance is its aversion. it loves not realities and creators, but names and customs ...
...whoso would be a man must be a non-conformist. he who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind."
wouldn't it be luverly to have the time and resources to speak out. enough money to be able to say no without fear, someone to clean and cook and wash for you, and someone to hold you and say 'there, there, m'love, they are all horrid and you are wonderful.'
nevertheless, despite his style coming across to me today as a pompous git, i rather like him so far. more, perhaps, when i have read more. time now to search through the medicine box and see if i still have any english sudafed ...
d. has noted that since we met, i have read an awful lot of childrens' books. ok i did reread all the harry potters again but that was because the paperbacks were next to her bed. and i discovered the 'lionboy' books, and 'inkheart'; and reread the philip pullman trilogy. today, however, for some strange reason, probably all the advil, i picked up a collection of emerson's essays and decided to read 'self reliance'. apparently i read some of this at university, but have no recollection of that whatsoever. o well. i couldn't sleep and this is what i read.
"to believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, - that is genius."
&
"trust thyself ... accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events."
at this point, i had to remind myself what transcendentalism was.
ok - so emerson was living in an era and an area where the forging of a truly american literary and philosophical identity was a contemporary cause. o dear i'm starting to sound a bit victorian. i guess what i am trying to say is that i can identify with his call to rebel against the status quo:
"society is a jointstock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. the virtue in most request is conformity. self-reliance is its aversion. it loves not realities and creators, but names and customs ...
...whoso would be a man must be a non-conformist. he who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind."
wouldn't it be luverly to have the time and resources to speak out. enough money to be able to say no without fear, someone to clean and cook and wash for you, and someone to hold you and say 'there, there, m'love, they are all horrid and you are wonderful.'
nevertheless, despite his style coming across to me today as a pompous git, i rather like him so far. more, perhaps, when i have read more. time now to search through the medicine box and see if i still have any english sudafed ...
Friday, February 17, 2006
wonder of wonders
... or perhaps miracle of miracles ... those of you who actually know me, well, you may need to sit down. last tuesday 14th february, i cooked dinner for d. i made courgette (zucchini) soup, salmon with a dill/cucumber sauce, and a special dessert concoction involving bananas, raspberries & baileys/cocoa sauce (the only part that was actually not ok for south beach diet phase one!). d. admitted to me that she was really surprised. it also tasted really good. yes, i cooked dinner. not the same as making dinner - have done that for years - pasta in boiling water & sauce from jars ... pre-mixed salad from plastic bags with fat-free dressing from squeezy plastic bottles ... opening of tins and peeling off of plastic wrappers. when making dinner, there's nothing that i peeled or sliced or mixed or chopped or tasted as i went along to make sure it was coming along ok. i cooked. and we ate at the dining table, with a cloth and with napkin rings; with nice wine-glasses and candles burning.
enough already. it was a success. the problem is, of course, now that i have proven i can do it if i choose to ... i may have to do it again :-)
enough already. it was a success. the problem is, of course, now that i have proven i can do it if i choose to ... i may have to do it again :-)
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
now he's a yankee!
interesting test of loyalties when one of the best players from your most hated team joins the team you love. perhaps, since he looks so different having lost the captain caveman hair, one could pretend he was really someone else?
is it such a big deal? in the larger scheme of things - not really. and in the larger scheme of things - absolutely! the true fan understands :-)
is it such a big deal? in the larger scheme of things - not really. and in the larger scheme of things - absolutely! the true fan understands :-)
Thursday, January 05, 2006
it aint what you do, it's the way that you do it?
gosh but learning how the real world works and accepting what you have to do to survive is an enervating experience. every job has special people to whom special attention must be paid, and despite my pretensions of socialism i am not special enough to avoid such tasks. it would be nice to be able to afford integrity, but like brecht said - erst muss man essen, dann kommt die morale (hoping i spelled that correctly). first, you gotta eat! unless you are on the south beach diet of course :-) am a bit looser about the interpretation of the diet, but seem to have lost a bit and kept my sugars down. will find out more next week after check-up. meanwhile, everyone at work today said - my you do look *pause* well. or - wow you look *pause* healthy. i love that pause - the gosh-you're-not-such-a-fat-blob-anymore pause. go south beach!
the medical miracle of the week, however, is the first cure for hiccups that i have ever tried that actually worked. it is my great pleasure to share it with you now: d told me to hold my breath and swallow three times while i was holding my breath. not as easy as it sounded, but when i did it, away the hiccups went! and then today, a student was hiccupping in my class, and when she tried the cure it worked for her also. i am thrilled and delighted.
the medical miracle of the week, however, is the first cure for hiccups that i have ever tried that actually worked. it is my great pleasure to share it with you now: d told me to hold my breath and swallow three times while i was holding my breath. not as easy as it sounded, but when i did it, away the hiccups went! and then today, a student was hiccupping in my class, and when she tried the cure it worked for her also. i am thrilled and delighted.
miami piglet
happy new gregorian calendar year! or, as i never cease to remind people, a nice jewish boy born on december 25th - what would be happening to him 8 days later? certainly a reason for a toast.
speaking of toasting, d & i went on holiday together, and we are still speaking to each other :-) my first trip to miami beach. here piglet enjoys the brief respite from the freezing grey port woebegone weather.
speaking of toasting, d & i went on holiday together, and we are still speaking to each other :-) my first trip to miami beach. here piglet enjoys the brief respite from the freezing grey port woebegone weather.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
rabbis may have hickeys
joined a new rabbis' internet forum the other day. it is inter-denominational, as it were. one of the posts opened up a can of worms in my breast ... it presented a number of situations, and asked what one's priorities would be - regarding self/family versus the temple.
a story (of which each rabbi has her/his own version):
the phone goes at 2 am. my mother picks up, and hands it over to my father (pre-cordless era). someone in the hospital is dying, and they need a rabbi - will he come? of course! 'is it a member?' my mother asks. 'no.' says my father. 'you are an idiot.' says my mother and off my father goes. he does not drive, and there is no public transport at that hour, so he takes a taxi. sadly, he is too late, and arrives to find the family in the midst of funeral arrangements. it becomes clear from the discussion that these are orthodox jews, and my father asks if they are members of a synagogue. 'of course!' comes the reply. 'may i ask why you did not call your rabbi?' says my father. 'we wouldn't dream of waking him up in the middle of the night!' he asks how they found his number, and they said it was listed in the yellow pages (there was a time when my father was, indeed, listed in the yellow pages. you could find his name under 'places of worship'. NOT going there ...). he asks if they would be kind enough to call a taxi for him. they tell him to ask the nurse. he arrives home and recounts the tale to my mother, who just looks at him and says, 'you are an idiot'.
and that, in microcosm, is the model so many of us have inherited.
as r. dreyfus always says, we are elected to serve. when, though, did it become servitude? and it is worse when you are single, i think, for you have no children to take to the dentist, or partner's business dinner to attend. since i have little family, and most of them are so far away, the issue has surfaced rarely for me. i still hope to find my own family - i wonder what may happen then?
a story (of which each rabbi has her/his own version):
the phone goes at 2 am. my mother picks up, and hands it over to my father (pre-cordless era). someone in the hospital is dying, and they need a rabbi - will he come? of course! 'is it a member?' my mother asks. 'no.' says my father. 'you are an idiot.' says my mother and off my father goes. he does not drive, and there is no public transport at that hour, so he takes a taxi. sadly, he is too late, and arrives to find the family in the midst of funeral arrangements. it becomes clear from the discussion that these are orthodox jews, and my father asks if they are members of a synagogue. 'of course!' comes the reply. 'may i ask why you did not call your rabbi?' says my father. 'we wouldn't dream of waking him up in the middle of the night!' he asks how they found his number, and they said it was listed in the yellow pages (there was a time when my father was, indeed, listed in the yellow pages. you could find his name under 'places of worship'. NOT going there ...). he asks if they would be kind enough to call a taxi for him. they tell him to ask the nurse. he arrives home and recounts the tale to my mother, who just looks at him and says, 'you are an idiot'.
and that, in microcosm, is the model so many of us have inherited.
as r. dreyfus always says, we are elected to serve. when, though, did it become servitude? and it is worse when you are single, i think, for you have no children to take to the dentist, or partner's business dinner to attend. since i have little family, and most of them are so far away, the issue has surfaced rarely for me. i still hope to find my own family - i wonder what may happen then?
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
stormy weather piglet
the thing is - battersea power station is not near battersea bridge at all. for some reason battersea power station is closer to chels*** bridge. battersea power station is one of my favourite buildings in london. here, piglet and i are pondering, as we look out from battersea bridge.
Monday, November 28, 2005
the family curse
having posted the pic of magic hat celebrating, not only have qpr lost 4 out of 5 games in november, but kevin did his hamstring on saturday and is out for a couple of weeks. i'm not quite sure, but i think noam sponsored part of his kit (boots?) this season in memory of ahf. previous sponsorees have been injured, dropped, sold or they retired. perish the thought but perhaps we should start following our rivals instead :-)
another great talent we used to have was that of breaking droughts. all we had to do was to put on a new pair of espadrilles and go out for a walk - rain would begin to fall as soon as we were far enough from shelter to ensure the total ruin of said shoes. my mother made it rain in palm springs. my favourite memory, though, is of a sultry summer night in manhattan. we were walking along 5th avenue in our little sundresses and lovely rope-soled shoes when the drops began to fall. mummy grabbed the baby and a cab, and left us with our father to walk back to the hotel. it rained so hard that it blasted the streets clean. we got that kind of soaked that it doesn't matter any more, and we took off our ruined footwear and danced along the pavement. we did the snoopy dance - utter joy. then daddy wanted to go into the doubleday bookstore, but we had to stand on the mat by the door because they said we were too wet to come in. it was a horsehair mat, and prickled my feet. cannot believe that must be over 30 years ago. ouch.
another great talent we used to have was that of breaking droughts. all we had to do was to put on a new pair of espadrilles and go out for a walk - rain would begin to fall as soon as we were far enough from shelter to ensure the total ruin of said shoes. my mother made it rain in palm springs. my favourite memory, though, is of a sultry summer night in manhattan. we were walking along 5th avenue in our little sundresses and lovely rope-soled shoes when the drops began to fall. mummy grabbed the baby and a cab, and left us with our father to walk back to the hotel. it rained so hard that it blasted the streets clean. we got that kind of soaked that it doesn't matter any more, and we took off our ruined footwear and danced along the pavement. we did the snoopy dance - utter joy. then daddy wanted to go into the doubleday bookstore, but we had to stand on the mat by the door because they said we were too wet to come in. it was a horsehair mat, and prickled my feet. cannot believe that must be over 30 years ago. ouch.
Friday, November 18, 2005
away at home park
after all the world cup qualifying shenanigans it is finally back to league play and qpr go down to plymouth on saturday. hoping to find similarly joyous pix of magic hat online soon after 5 pm uk time.
uuuuu rrrrr's
ps the thing is - a picture like this really makes me feel happy.
uuuuu rrrrr's
ps the thing is - a picture like this really makes me feel happy.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
magnificent aunts & aunties
in honour of the fact that i have recently discovered i am to become an aunt next spring, i present to you an arbitrary list of noted exemplars:
auntie beeb aka the bbc
auntie em
t.s.eliot's aunt helen
aunt jemima
aunt julia and the scriptwriter
paddington's aunt lucy (did you know that in peru his name, or possibly his uncle's name was pastuso?)
auntie mame
spiderman's aunt may
creating an edible version of a diabetic banana chocolate parfait - aunt runner
and last but not least my darling auntie dorrit!
auntie beeb aka the bbc
auntie em
t.s.eliot's aunt helen
aunt jemima
aunt julia and the scriptwriter
paddington's aunt lucy (did you know that in peru his name, or possibly his uncle's name was pastuso?)
auntie mame
spiderman's aunt may
creating an edible version of a diabetic banana chocolate parfait - aunt runner
and last but not least my darling auntie dorrit!
yippee - phase two!
14 days gone by and today i am allowed to eat fruit again plus terribly healthy grainy breads and rice and pasta and cereal. the plumbers were here so i never made it to the supermarket to find the banana of my dreams. however, we did have a fascinating conversation about my boxing gloves:
'you box?'
'i have a friend who's going to teach me a bit.'
'know anything about boxing?'
'maybe a bit.'
'my grandfather was a famous boxer.'
'yeah? whatsis name?'
'rocky graziano. on my mother's side'
'yeah. i heard of him.'
like i said - fascinating. but i did have cereal for brunch, and was amazed how clearly i could taste the dried fruit in it.
nu - phase two is to be maintained until target weight is reached. my definition of phase two? learning to be on the diet without talking about it all the time to everyone:
'cannot eat that sorry i am on the south beach diet fish or insulin y'know said my doctor i mean i've been a vegetarian almost all my life but apparently the choice between my health or the health of a fish should be an easy one although i am still working on that issue with my therapist o no of course i don't mind if you eat a cookie right in front of me i am a mature adult i could eat one if i wanted it is just that i choose not to because that is the healthy thing to do no i am not crying at the sight of that cheesecake piece i am on the south beach diet you see so i am not allowed to look at that piece of pie because i am going to be healthy and pick up some celery instead did you know that you lose weight when you eat celery because it takes more calories to digest than are in it to start with so all you have to do is eat only celery of course the problem with that is that it is celery that you have to eat perhaps i could have a sip of that margerita no no i am strong and healthy and diabetic and on the south beach diet' etc ad nauseam
thank goodness qpr are playing again soon ... uuuuu rrrrr's
'you box?'
'i have a friend who's going to teach me a bit.'
'know anything about boxing?'
'maybe a bit.'
'my grandfather was a famous boxer.'
'yeah? whatsis name?'
'rocky graziano. on my mother's side'
'yeah. i heard of him.'
like i said - fascinating. but i did have cereal for brunch, and was amazed how clearly i could taste the dried fruit in it.
nu - phase two is to be maintained until target weight is reached. my definition of phase two? learning to be on the diet without talking about it all the time to everyone:
'cannot eat that sorry i am on the south beach diet fish or insulin y'know said my doctor i mean i've been a vegetarian almost all my life but apparently the choice between my health or the health of a fish should be an easy one although i am still working on that issue with my therapist o no of course i don't mind if you eat a cookie right in front of me i am a mature adult i could eat one if i wanted it is just that i choose not to because that is the healthy thing to do no i am not crying at the sight of that cheesecake piece i am on the south beach diet you see so i am not allowed to look at that piece of pie because i am going to be healthy and pick up some celery instead did you know that you lose weight when you eat celery because it takes more calories to digest than are in it to start with so all you have to do is eat only celery of course the problem with that is that it is celery that you have to eat perhaps i could have a sip of that margerita no no i am strong and healthy and diabetic and on the south beach diet' etc ad nauseam
thank goodness qpr are playing again soon ... uuuuu rrrrr's
Friday, November 11, 2005
south beach diet day whatever
did i mention that when i cooked my first fishy food all the smoke alarms in my flat kept going off? a tribute to the miracle perhaps?
i have now lost all desire to eat anything really. however, having paid for a new glucometer and test strips, and having found out that my insurance does not cover them, i am making bloody good use of said instruments. have to keep an eye out for low blood sugar levels, and then not buy peppermint patties for recovery purposes only :-)
not to mention that i forgot to weigh myself at the beginning, mainly because i do not possess a set of scales :-)
meanwhile, all anyone can talk to me about is food. how is the diet going? i have a great recipe for fake mashed potatoes/everything soup/lobster in only 20 minutes! when my friend/cousin/babysitter/ex/fencing team-mate tried the diet s/he lost loads of weight/hated it/grew a second head. have you tried liberian goat beans - i hear they make you less gassy than cauliflower and are much prized by menopausal korean women!
*sigh* and d. wonders why i seem to be watching so many comedy dvds at the moment (little britain 2nd series, not the nine o'clock news & catherine tate) ...
i have now lost all desire to eat anything really. however, having paid for a new glucometer and test strips, and having found out that my insurance does not cover them, i am making bloody good use of said instruments. have to keep an eye out for low blood sugar levels, and then not buy peppermint patties for recovery purposes only :-)
not to mention that i forgot to weigh myself at the beginning, mainly because i do not possess a set of scales :-)
meanwhile, all anyone can talk to me about is food. how is the diet going? i have a great recipe for fake mashed potatoes/everything soup/lobster in only 20 minutes! when my friend/cousin/babysitter/ex/fencing team-mate tried the diet s/he lost loads of weight/hated it/grew a second head. have you tried liberian goat beans - i hear they make you less gassy than cauliflower and are much prized by menopausal korean women!
*sigh* and d. wonders why i seem to be watching so many comedy dvds at the moment (little britain 2nd series, not the nine o'clock news & catherine tate) ...
Friday, November 04, 2005
piglet at old faithful
piglet and i were seated on the front bench waiting for old faithful to blow. i started talking with the little girl next to me, who was from some far-flung american state. "you have an accent!" she said to me. "no i don't," i replied, "you do!" "i do?" she said, and, with great joy, she ran over to her daddy calling out, "i have an accent! i have an accent!"
south beach diet day 3
so here's the deal: after 30 odd years of being a vegetarian, although i only gave up fish about 12 years ago, my doctor says to me that my diabetes meds are maxed out and i should try the south beach diet since many of her diabetic patients have reduced their meds through doing it. but one cannot do it as a vegetarian. i just won't eat meat, but wavered a little about fish. then she gives me the choice: fish, or insulin. you'd think that this would be an easy choice. it is not an easy choice. apart from the fact that after passing for all these years, i might actually have to decide whether or not to be kosher (yes for now); there is also the guilt, the taboo, the principle, the loss of integrity. on the other hand, as my mother said - quatsch! (german for 'bollox!') fish aren't cuddly! in september, when i went home for the stone-setting, she made plaice for me my first night there, and insisted i try it. it tasted very fishy, and full of guilt & taboo. last month, when she came to visit me, i ordered salmon at every restaurant in which we ate, and a tuna melt at the diner. less guilt, but still some indigestion. gosh i do like salmon. i always have. it was one of the major reasons i decided i could be a rabbi, since in those days it was served in one form or another at every lifecycle occasion. meanwhile, i had not yet begun the diet.
this week i ran out of excuses. the fact that every single thing i love most to eat is now totally banned for 2 weeks - not naughty things, but all fruit, even healthy bread, and potatoes :-( - is utterly depressing. nevertheless, i had told so many people i was going to do it that i really had to have a go. so tuesday evening found me trolling through the supermarket, and filling my trolley with new and different things. an awful lot of green stuff, the kind i often buy a small amount of with the best intentions and then have to throw away when it goes brown and starts to become liquid. an awful lot of stuff that has to have something done to it - slicing, peeling, cooking - before it is palatable. an awful lot of ersatz stuff - i can't believe that i had to buy i can't believe it's not butter spray. i could not bear the sight of cottage cheese, but did buy my first pot of skim milk ricotta cheese. and, possibly for the first time in my life, i bought a fillet of salmon.
the next day was wednesday, and my first big test. in the afternoon, there are always piles of fresh, delicious bagels awaiting the students for snack before classes begin. i decided not to arrive until after the bagels were put away. nevertheless, it appeared that each child walking past me had hands filled with leftover halloween candy and a lollipop in each corner of its mouth. i began to practice with a batmitzvah student, and became convinced that someone was frying latkes in the synagogue kitchen. o dear - an olfactory hallucination. after class i ran home and inhaled the latest of several giant bowls of salad liberally drizzled with carb solutions dressing. i then returned for a committee meeting, and someone brought snacks: leftover halloween candy and cheese puffs and a bottle of wine. i am very grumpy.
today, it just seemed easier not to eat at all (except for a glass of skimmed milk in the morning to persuade my body it was being fed so it didn't lock down into starvation mode). and then ... all ye who know and love me please sit down and do not faint ... for dinner tonight i made myself broiled salmon with sauteed spinach and garlic. and there is salmon left for shabbat dinner tomorrow!
the only problem is the amount of washing-up i have to do. later ...
this week i ran out of excuses. the fact that every single thing i love most to eat is now totally banned for 2 weeks - not naughty things, but all fruit, even healthy bread, and potatoes :-( - is utterly depressing. nevertheless, i had told so many people i was going to do it that i really had to have a go. so tuesday evening found me trolling through the supermarket, and filling my trolley with new and different things. an awful lot of green stuff, the kind i often buy a small amount of with the best intentions and then have to throw away when it goes brown and starts to become liquid. an awful lot of stuff that has to have something done to it - slicing, peeling, cooking - before it is palatable. an awful lot of ersatz stuff - i can't believe that i had to buy i can't believe it's not butter spray. i could not bear the sight of cottage cheese, but did buy my first pot of skim milk ricotta cheese. and, possibly for the first time in my life, i bought a fillet of salmon.
the next day was wednesday, and my first big test. in the afternoon, there are always piles of fresh, delicious bagels awaiting the students for snack before classes begin. i decided not to arrive until after the bagels were put away. nevertheless, it appeared that each child walking past me had hands filled with leftover halloween candy and a lollipop in each corner of its mouth. i began to practice with a batmitzvah student, and became convinced that someone was frying latkes in the synagogue kitchen. o dear - an olfactory hallucination. after class i ran home and inhaled the latest of several giant bowls of salad liberally drizzled with carb solutions dressing. i then returned for a committee meeting, and someone brought snacks: leftover halloween candy and cheese puffs and a bottle of wine. i am very grumpy.
today, it just seemed easier not to eat at all (except for a glass of skimmed milk in the morning to persuade my body it was being fed so it didn't lock down into starvation mode). and then ... all ye who know and love me please sit down and do not faint ... for dinner tonight i made myself broiled salmon with sauteed spinach and garlic. and there is salmon left for shabbat dinner tomorrow!
the only problem is the amount of washing-up i have to do. later ...
wish i'd said that!
talking to d on the phone she said for her being late was a chronic malady. i pretended to mishear and said, "melody?" she said, "no, that would be a late-motif!" bloody brilliant.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
da vinci code piglet
in honour of noam's book on opus dei, piglet cuts the louvre pyramid down to size :-)
happy new year
a pulpit's eye view:
although we rarely have more than a minyan on a shabbat evening, the new year brings out the best in people and our sanctuary cannot contain the masses so we move to the methodist sanctuary instead. it is an extremely plain room, decorated only by a giant wooden cross hanging from the ceiling with spotlights on it so the two shadows create a trinity of crosses. luckily for me this is behind my pulpit so i do not have to look at it. the pjc-niks tell me it is 't' for torah.
there is no a/c in the church, and there is another spotlight on the pulpit. it is early october but the temperature is in the seventies and the humidity is high. i am wearing a robe, because i would rather sweat all over my simpsons in jerusalem t-shirt underneath it than ruin a fancy shirt. before we start i am meeting and greeting and young maddy says 'rabbi you are all sweaty'. during the service i do a pretty darn good impersonation of the wicked witch of the west. my new g/f is in the pews. she is a nephrologist. in the morning she brings me water. i think that saved me from fainting! upon request, a sort of fan was rigged up behind me (presumably to blow cool draughts of air up the stairs and under the hem of my robe?), but each reader that came up managed to kick the plug out of the whatchamacallit thingy that you stick it in. for those who wondered why i kept disappearing from the pulpit, i was bending down trying to plug the fan back in and then going down the stairs to turn the switch.
one of the tricks i have found useful is to take a large handkerchief (or in my case, a well-loved purple bandana), and spray it lightly with a lavender-scented cologne. it is very refreshing, and at the end of the service you may be a bit soggy, but you won't smell bad when you shake hands. that reminds me: one of the tricks they never taught us at rabbi school - take off your rings during the final hymn. my first rosh hashana i did not do that and had to shake a thousand hands and my fingers swelled up a lot. ow.
enough already with the whinging. a happy and healthy new year to you all!
although we rarely have more than a minyan on a shabbat evening, the new year brings out the best in people and our sanctuary cannot contain the masses so we move to the methodist sanctuary instead. it is an extremely plain room, decorated only by a giant wooden cross hanging from the ceiling with spotlights on it so the two shadows create a trinity of crosses. luckily for me this is behind my pulpit so i do not have to look at it. the pjc-niks tell me it is 't' for torah.
there is no a/c in the church, and there is another spotlight on the pulpit. it is early october but the temperature is in the seventies and the humidity is high. i am wearing a robe, because i would rather sweat all over my simpsons in jerusalem t-shirt underneath it than ruin a fancy shirt. before we start i am meeting and greeting and young maddy says 'rabbi you are all sweaty'. during the service i do a pretty darn good impersonation of the wicked witch of the west. my new g/f is in the pews. she is a nephrologist. in the morning she brings me water. i think that saved me from fainting! upon request, a sort of fan was rigged up behind me (presumably to blow cool draughts of air up the stairs and under the hem of my robe?), but each reader that came up managed to kick the plug out of the whatchamacallit thingy that you stick it in. for those who wondered why i kept disappearing from the pulpit, i was bending down trying to plug the fan back in and then going down the stairs to turn the switch.
one of the tricks i have found useful is to take a large handkerchief (or in my case, a well-loved purple bandana), and spray it lightly with a lavender-scented cologne. it is very refreshing, and at the end of the service you may be a bit soggy, but you won't smell bad when you shake hands. that reminds me: one of the tricks they never taught us at rabbi school - take off your rings during the final hymn. my first rosh hashana i did not do that and had to shake a thousand hands and my fingers swelled up a lot. ow.
enough already with the whinging. a happy and healthy new year to you all!
Friday, September 09, 2005
red square piglet
GUM is to the left, and waxy yellow lenin (before they cleaned him up) is to the right. piglet is front and centre.
i don't know ... it doesn't seem right to say anything at the moment when the horrors that so many far away face regularly are now snarling at us where we live.
or, to be more accurate, i haven't a clue what to say.
i don't know ... it doesn't seem right to say anything at the moment when the horrors that so many far away face regularly are now snarling at us where we live.
or, to be more accurate, i haven't a clue what to say.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
katrina
extensive list of web sites to follow the news and support relief efforts here.
i do not have television access and thus, perhaps, have missed the full impact of the pictures that have been shown. nevertheless, i am lost for words ... except for saying the misheberach for healing for all the victims and those who are working to save and help them. from our mouths to god's ears.
i do not have television access and thus, perhaps, have missed the full impact of the pictures that have been shown. nevertheless, i am lost for words ... except for saying the misheberach for healing for all the victims and those who are working to save and help them. from our mouths to god's ears.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
unlucky in love
rather than wallow (any more) in an acute state of singledom, here is an account of the number one most humiliating moment in my sort-of-dating life so far:
when i was small, my mother told us that if we missed her when she went out to dinner, we should go to the coat cupboard, and sniff her perfume on the clothes in there, and then she wouldn't seem so far away.
when i was not small at all, yet blithely unaware of, well, anything much really, i was in tel aviv airport waiting on standby to get a flight home for rosh hashanah. although i'd only said goodbye to dbl a couple of hours ago, i was feeling an intense sense of loss rather beyond what was appropriate for a new best friend. anyway, i had an idea! dbl had a thing about drakkar noir aftershave. i would go into the duty-free shop, and squirt myself with a bit of drakkar noir from a tester, and then she wouldn't seem so far away.
when i entered the duty-free shop, a snooty woman looked down on me from behind the counter. 'may i help you?' she said snootily. ok i didn't look my best - 6 months without a haircut, black denim shorts, black basketball shirt, sneakers and baseball cap - but still i was a customer. once in the hilton hotel in manhattan, dressed much the same but with dark glasses on as well, i was sitting on a lovely sofa waiting to collect a plane ticket from the continental desk when an officious hotel security man said 'hey, ya bum, get offa that couch!'. i looked over the top of my shades and said in my best english accent, 'i beg your pardon?' 'gee, lady, i'm sorry!' he said, and left me alone, no longer a bum but now an eccentric englishwoman. israelis do not, of course, have the same reverence for an english accent. but i digress ...
'may i help you?' she said. 'no, thank you,' i replied, 'i'm just looking.' so i looked around, keeping an eye for the moment when she turned around so i could grab the tester and squirt myself. she, of course, was keeping an eye on me because i was a bum. we danced this dance for a while, and then my moment suddenly appeared: she turned away! quickly i grabbed the drakkar noir bottle, and squirted it on my face and neck. the trouble was - i got the shaving cream by mistake. the kind that expanded. and then, the saleslady turned back.
what did i do? what could i do? i wiped my face off with my hand, and walked out of the shop. *sigh*
when i was small, my mother told us that if we missed her when she went out to dinner, we should go to the coat cupboard, and sniff her perfume on the clothes in there, and then she wouldn't seem so far away.
when i was not small at all, yet blithely unaware of, well, anything much really, i was in tel aviv airport waiting on standby to get a flight home for rosh hashanah. although i'd only said goodbye to dbl a couple of hours ago, i was feeling an intense sense of loss rather beyond what was appropriate for a new best friend. anyway, i had an idea! dbl had a thing about drakkar noir aftershave. i would go into the duty-free shop, and squirt myself with a bit of drakkar noir from a tester, and then she wouldn't seem so far away.
when i entered the duty-free shop, a snooty woman looked down on me from behind the counter. 'may i help you?' she said snootily. ok i didn't look my best - 6 months without a haircut, black denim shorts, black basketball shirt, sneakers and baseball cap - but still i was a customer. once in the hilton hotel in manhattan, dressed much the same but with dark glasses on as well, i was sitting on a lovely sofa waiting to collect a plane ticket from the continental desk when an officious hotel security man said 'hey, ya bum, get offa that couch!'. i looked over the top of my shades and said in my best english accent, 'i beg your pardon?' 'gee, lady, i'm sorry!' he said, and left me alone, no longer a bum but now an eccentric englishwoman. israelis do not, of course, have the same reverence for an english accent. but i digress ...
'may i help you?' she said. 'no, thank you,' i replied, 'i'm just looking.' so i looked around, keeping an eye for the moment when she turned around so i could grab the tester and squirt myself. she, of course, was keeping an eye on me because i was a bum. we danced this dance for a while, and then my moment suddenly appeared: she turned away! quickly i grabbed the drakkar noir bottle, and squirted it on my face and neck. the trouble was - i got the shaving cream by mistake. the kind that expanded. and then, the saleslady turned back.
what did i do? what could i do? i wiped my face off with my hand, and walked out of the shop. *sigh*
Sunday, August 07, 2005
coming home
can it be? the football season has begun again. qpr did not lose, although the scum did win the charity shield, sorry the community shield as it is now called. the hull "fans" are lucky qpr are not millwall, for their chants of "town full of bombers, you're just a town full of bombers" were horrific.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
good morrow mistress ravaj
was somewhat disconcerted today after torah study. came out of the building and walked over to my car. there was a native american woman sitting on the kerb next to it. when she saw me she jumped up with the face of a kid caught out of bounds. i smiled at her and said something like "no no, sit down". she said, "no, i have to go to work," and trudged off in her flip-flops towards the garbage truck that had just pulled in behind me. as she passed me she said, "thank you, miss."
was i really that patronising? utterly not my intention. utterly the opposite intention. maybe that was what was so patronising?
was i really that patronising? utterly not my intention. utterly the opposite intention. maybe that was what was so patronising?
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
piglet pays homage
ferncliff cemetery in white plains, n.y., has a lot of famous people buried in it. from aaliyah to judy garland, thelonious monk to malcolm x (although his plaque is not where they say it is). piglet and i went for a walk there one sunny day before i left westchester county.
the lemoncake lady
last week was the first yahrzeit for my darling father. it is strange, because that is the marker in jewish tradition of the end of the mourning period, and the full return to life. in contrast to that, i feel like perhaps soon my mourning may really begin. the actual day was friday, and i took advantage of my position at the synagogue by using the drash time to acknowledge daddy. i told them i wanted to tell a story about my father, but that most were not suitable for this particular moment. i decided on the story about the lemoncake lady, which might appear to be about me, or about her; but was really about albert, or perhaps themselves.
i was standing in line outside the chapel after the funeral service. it was a bit like a large party, where all the people i'd known since i was a child were passing before me, and once i'd adjusted my vision for their being taller or shorter, thinner or fatter ... and darkened their hair, i recognised them all. a strange woman stood before me. "it's such a pity your father died," she said, " we were due to study together. never mind," she continued, "i'll have a word with him next week and we'll figure something out." a bit woo-woo, i thought to myself, smiled bravely and on she moved.
in the week that followed, my main memory is just of people all the time. e-mails and letters and flowers arriving constantly, and people everywhere. i drifted in and out, wearing jeans and my a-rod yankees t-shirt. i would go into the front room, talk a little, then return to the couch in daddy's study and go back to sleep. meanwhile, noam was running interference for mummy. so many wanted to visit, it ended up that they had to make appointments, so mummy could have some time to rest.
i am called from my repose. the crazy lady is here - you have to keep her away from mummy. she is in the hall, and has a long, narrow cake tin with her. we take it to the kitchen, and i taste what is in the tin. it will never make it into the public domain. for the next hour we all stop by the kitchen and take just another tiny slice. it doesn't last long. it is the most delicious lemon cake we have ever tasted. later, i decide to call her the lemoncake lady because i don't want to remember her as one of the crazies.
we go into the dining room, and sit away from the others, and she begins to tell me her story. she is very jumpy, and ready to flee at any hint. she is well-groomed, well-spoken, clearly intelligent. she also speaks in a way that one would usually say this person is utterly bonkers. i listen to her story. a lot of it makes sense to me. i begin to think to myself that if i change the literal way she speaks into metaphor, she doesn't sound so mad. i read a book written by the rambam - she sits at a table with him and he talks to her and teaches her. different descriptions of a similar process, perhaps. my family keeps trying to rescue me, and the lemoncake lady twitches in her chair. i tell them i'll be back in a minute, and ask her to continue. it occurs to me that the reason she is here is because daddy listened to her. he took her seriously. it occurs to me that i should do the same. i do.
eventually she does leave. and i want to remember the lemoncake lady, because i want a way to remember how to be with someone where they are, and not always make them have to be where i am.
this is not, of course, exactly how i spoke on shabbat. i did note that this was a way my father continues to be with me and to teach me after his physical death. i did suggest that each of us has stories and people that may do the same for us. nice and rabbinical. and of course, after services, several people asked for the recipe.
i was standing in line outside the chapel after the funeral service. it was a bit like a large party, where all the people i'd known since i was a child were passing before me, and once i'd adjusted my vision for their being taller or shorter, thinner or fatter ... and darkened their hair, i recognised them all. a strange woman stood before me. "it's such a pity your father died," she said, " we were due to study together. never mind," she continued, "i'll have a word with him next week and we'll figure something out." a bit woo-woo, i thought to myself, smiled bravely and on she moved.
in the week that followed, my main memory is just of people all the time. e-mails and letters and flowers arriving constantly, and people everywhere. i drifted in and out, wearing jeans and my a-rod yankees t-shirt. i would go into the front room, talk a little, then return to the couch in daddy's study and go back to sleep. meanwhile, noam was running interference for mummy. so many wanted to visit, it ended up that they had to make appointments, so mummy could have some time to rest.
i am called from my repose. the crazy lady is here - you have to keep her away from mummy. she is in the hall, and has a long, narrow cake tin with her. we take it to the kitchen, and i taste what is in the tin. it will never make it into the public domain. for the next hour we all stop by the kitchen and take just another tiny slice. it doesn't last long. it is the most delicious lemon cake we have ever tasted. later, i decide to call her the lemoncake lady because i don't want to remember her as one of the crazies.
we go into the dining room, and sit away from the others, and she begins to tell me her story. she is very jumpy, and ready to flee at any hint. she is well-groomed, well-spoken, clearly intelligent. she also speaks in a way that one would usually say this person is utterly bonkers. i listen to her story. a lot of it makes sense to me. i begin to think to myself that if i change the literal way she speaks into metaphor, she doesn't sound so mad. i read a book written by the rambam - she sits at a table with him and he talks to her and teaches her. different descriptions of a similar process, perhaps. my family keeps trying to rescue me, and the lemoncake lady twitches in her chair. i tell them i'll be back in a minute, and ask her to continue. it occurs to me that the reason she is here is because daddy listened to her. he took her seriously. it occurs to me that i should do the same. i do.
eventually she does leave. and i want to remember the lemoncake lady, because i want a way to remember how to be with someone where they are, and not always make them have to be where i am.
this is not, of course, exactly how i spoke on shabbat. i did note that this was a way my father continues to be with me and to teach me after his physical death. i did suggest that each of us has stories and people that may do the same for us. nice and rabbinical. and of course, after services, several people asked for the recipe.
Monday, July 04, 2005
happy bye bye to the brits day
culturally torn here because i am, of course, a u.s. citizen; but i am also daughter of a loyal brit and one who grew up there. add to this the fact that my father grew up in vicksburg where the 4th of july was not celebrated at all, and you may see how my mixed heritage might ravage my soul. meanwhile, my fear of loud explosive noises has me jumping around my flat as my neighbours demonstrate their independent spirit by making lots of loud explosive noises in a state where fireworks are illegal. since i do not eat anything that had eyes except potatoes, the scent of grilling animal flesh brings tears to my own eyes, and saliva to a mouth that responds to impulses more primeval than pc vegetarianism.
on the other hand, i did enjoy seeing 'bewitched' yesterday, although i think the cinema lost the reel with the last ten minutes on it. either that, or the producers just said "time's up!" and they stopped filming and began to run the credits. would like to see 'war of the worlds' except that tom cruise is being such an arse at the moment that i think it would be difficult to watch the character rather than seeing the face of the actor and thinking about his imo ridiculous public statements of recent weeks. i say that as someone who considers her life to have been saved a couple of times by anti-depressant meds. even rosie blogged her disagreement.
would it not be a blessing if people stopped waving the red white and blue ego, and peace broke out all over? that is something i can pray for:
god bless america, my home sweet home!
on the other hand, i did enjoy seeing 'bewitched' yesterday, although i think the cinema lost the reel with the last ten minutes on it. either that, or the producers just said "time's up!" and they stopped filming and began to run the credits. would like to see 'war of the worlds' except that tom cruise is being such an arse at the moment that i think it would be difficult to watch the character rather than seeing the face of the actor and thinking about his imo ridiculous public statements of recent weeks. i say that as someone who considers her life to have been saved a couple of times by anti-depressant meds. even rosie blogged her disagreement.
would it not be a blessing if people stopped waving the red white and blue ego, and peace broke out all over? that is something i can pray for:
god bless america, my home sweet home!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
jolly green piglet
driving west on interstate 90, a 50 ft high statue of the jolly green giant is visible from the road. blue earth, minnesota, looked like a ghost town; but there was a hut near the statue and inside was a little old lady selling postcards and souvenirs. note - she is not the best person to ask to take a picture of yourself with the giant. question: why is the giant wearing a black plastic garment over his normal clothing?
avodah zarah
just listening to some big band music on wmnr (when, of course, i should be preparing for the movers tomorrow). i was wishing i could play my clarinet like benny goodman or artie shaw. i heard the announcer highlight a number of other greats, mostly when they were just starting out as band members with a featured piece. then i started thinking about the other guys in the bands, who never got named, but were still part of the sound.
most of us don't do more than a couple of things to a high standard - it takes all the time and energy we already devote just to be competent, whether at something artistic, or scientific, or work-related, or life-related. it is all important, yet we don't seem to give ourselves credit for doing a job to the best of our ability. ok, glaringly obvious ... or is it? the talent/appeal of, the attention given to a louis armstrong, an angelina jolie, a mickey mantle ... sometimes i wonder where the line between appreciation and idolatry falls.
ok, not so preachy - let me just speak for myself. things like the clarinet - i know that if i spend more time on it i shall get better, and i derive great pleasure from listening to others who are the best in their field. the same with sport - even if i am not really into it like, say, basketball; i can still enjoy and appreciate someone like michael jordan in his prime. neither of these areas have much of an impact on my self-esteem. movie-stars, however, are another thing completely! great acting is one thing, like other talent, and i appreciate being made to think and being emotionally touched and being entertained. when i look, however, at ms. jolie, or catherine zeta-jones, or michelle pfeiffer (or halle berry) as catwoman, alongside the lust that their screen personae may evoke in me comes a strong sense of my own inadequacy. i would like a real person to feel like that about me, preferably someone to whom i am also attracted. but it doesn't end there. follow that thread and i seem to have attached to it all my relationship wishes and ideals. do many of us do that?
for me the key seems so bloody obvious - not a terribly good self image. i'll save the psychobabble for another time ... tonight i wonder what i get out of all the images of gorgeous women that may do me good, and what i should avoid! will have to think about that for a bit.
i feel there is something to be pursued re the concept of idolatry. find the empty space this worship is filling, and do sth else with it. also sth to do with an aspect of faith - no need to judge the value of my particular version of being made in the image of god, but trusting it has its place, and learning to feel good about my part of the whole. sounds good, eh?
a counsellor i saw in virginia gave me a mantra. she wrote it on a post-it note:
"i love and respect myself completely exactly as i am"
chris told me that no matter what i actually think, if i repeat this enough times for a very long time it will become a tape that runs in my head louder than some of the "i am fat and fat is ugly" types. lovely idea. the problem with this was that after i had put the post-it on my windscreen so i could read it in the car, i discovered that it scanned exactly to "blister in the sun" by the violent femmes. o well.
bored now.
most of us don't do more than a couple of things to a high standard - it takes all the time and energy we already devote just to be competent, whether at something artistic, or scientific, or work-related, or life-related. it is all important, yet we don't seem to give ourselves credit for doing a job to the best of our ability. ok, glaringly obvious ... or is it? the talent/appeal of, the attention given to a louis armstrong, an angelina jolie, a mickey mantle ... sometimes i wonder where the line between appreciation and idolatry falls.
ok, not so preachy - let me just speak for myself. things like the clarinet - i know that if i spend more time on it i shall get better, and i derive great pleasure from listening to others who are the best in their field. the same with sport - even if i am not really into it like, say, basketball; i can still enjoy and appreciate someone like michael jordan in his prime. neither of these areas have much of an impact on my self-esteem. movie-stars, however, are another thing completely! great acting is one thing, like other talent, and i appreciate being made to think and being emotionally touched and being entertained. when i look, however, at ms. jolie, or catherine zeta-jones, or michelle pfeiffer (or halle berry) as catwoman, alongside the lust that their screen personae may evoke in me comes a strong sense of my own inadequacy. i would like a real person to feel like that about me, preferably someone to whom i am also attracted. but it doesn't end there. follow that thread and i seem to have attached to it all my relationship wishes and ideals. do many of us do that?
for me the key seems so bloody obvious - not a terribly good self image. i'll save the psychobabble for another time ... tonight i wonder what i get out of all the images of gorgeous women that may do me good, and what i should avoid! will have to think about that for a bit.
i feel there is something to be pursued re the concept of idolatry. find the empty space this worship is filling, and do sth else with it. also sth to do with an aspect of faith - no need to judge the value of my particular version of being made in the image of god, but trusting it has its place, and learning to feel good about my part of the whole. sounds good, eh?
a counsellor i saw in virginia gave me a mantra. she wrote it on a post-it note:
"i love and respect myself completely exactly as i am"
chris told me that no matter what i actually think, if i repeat this enough times for a very long time it will become a tape that runs in my head louder than some of the "i am fat and fat is ugly" types. lovely idea. the problem with this was that after i had put the post-it on my windscreen so i could read it in the car, i discovered that it scanned exactly to "blister in the sun" by the violent femmes. o well.
bored now.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
anne bancroft z"l
Most people will think first of the graduate and then of the miracle worker. love those films. and for me, the one bright spot of the travesty that was mel brooks' remake of my all-time favourite film 'to be or not to be' was at the beginning when ms. bancroft sings 'sweet georgia brown' in polish. my favourite film of hers, however, is 'garbo talks', where she plays a dying mother who idolises greta garbo & whose adult son tries to arrange a meeting in his version of make-a-wish foundation.
my anne bancroft story is a bit embarrassing. please note that at one time her hair was very very similar to that of my middle sister. nu - after a bit of a fight at home when our mother suggested my friend michael and i invite my sister to join us at the theatre that evening and said sister got somewhat hoity toity and flounced off, at the end of 'lettice & lovage' (we got amazing front stalls seats from the leicester square ticket office) we turned towards the exit and lo there was my sister standing in the aisle. i duly flounced up to her, grabbed her arm, and said "what the **** do you think you are doing here?!" anne bancroft turned to me with sort of a surprised look. 'o sorry, i thought you were my sister' i said lamely and ran away.
may she rest in peace.
my anne bancroft story is a bit embarrassing. please note that at one time her hair was very very similar to that of my middle sister. nu - after a bit of a fight at home when our mother suggested my friend michael and i invite my sister to join us at the theatre that evening and said sister got somewhat hoity toity and flounced off, at the end of 'lettice & lovage' (we got amazing front stalls seats from the leicester square ticket office) we turned towards the exit and lo there was my sister standing in the aisle. i duly flounced up to her, grabbed her arm, and said "what the **** do you think you are doing here?!" anne bancroft turned to me with sort of a surprised look. 'o sorry, i thought you were my sister' i said lamely and ran away.
may she rest in peace.
piglet corn palace
am heading out to the mid-west to celebrate a landmark birthday for my favourite aunt (i absolutely adore her, but she does like me to note that she is my only aunt).
the thing about the mitchell corn palace is that the designs are made entirely from corncobs. the day we took this, however, there was a polka festival inside, and i rued the facts that i'd left my tape recorder in the car and that i could not find a polka skirt to suit my peasant frame.
the thing about the mitchell corn palace is that the designs are made entirely from corncobs. the day we took this, however, there was a polka festival inside, and i rued the facts that i'd left my tape recorder in the car and that i could not find a polka skirt to suit my peasant frame.
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